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Original poster

Deciding whether to have more children

29 replies

MarionCole · 04/02/2011 16:11

Don't know whether to try for DC2.

DH is ambivalent (in a good way)

I would like another, but then am worried about cost/space/DS's reaction.

I am also getting on a bit so can't delay the decision for long.

Tell me what to do Grin

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arsesandoldlace · 04/02/2011 16:15

Go for it, what's the worst that could happen?
Are you putting it out for public vote then? Grin

Original poster
MarionCole · 04/02/2011 16:17

Why not, sounds like a good idea.

About to leave work, will be home in about an hour, will then take a poll.

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philbertstreetfox · 04/02/2011 16:17

In a similar situation. Try - there are no guarantees and I think it will be easier to look back and think you would have loved another but it didn't work out, than to look back and be angry that you didn't try, IYSWIM.

Do the thing they talk about on the TTC threads, I can't remember the acronym but it's something along the lines of not trying, not trying not to!

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Adair · 04/02/2011 16:22

Go for it! Am on my third and v happy... They all adore each other (well, the first two do - they seem positive about newborn so far but is very early days Grin).

knackered76 · 04/02/2011 17:42

Will you regret not having one? A friend said to me when I was deciding whether to have a third you can never regret the child you have because they are your child but you could regret the child you didn't. I'm now 23 weeks with my third Grin

lyra41 · 04/02/2011 17:45

Another yes from me. you don't want your pfb to be lonely do you?

Original poster
MarionCole · 04/02/2011 17:50

So that's a unanimous yes then

My main concern I suppose is that it will affect our happy status quo with DS (3.8) and DSD (14).

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Original poster
MarionCole · 04/02/2011 20:24

Just asked DS if he would like a little brother or sister and he said "no" Grin

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FluteyBoots · 04/02/2011 20:29

I am wondering same. Childcare costs, work, and how on earth do you have the energy for 2 being the main dilemma points.

drivingmisscrazy · 04/02/2011 20:33

Marion every time we ask DD (2) about a sibling she says 'yes', 'a sister' :o all we have to do is get her (him?). I wouldn't let your 3.8 alter your resolve...

fairyfart · 04/02/2011 20:36

Have to say that going from 1 to 2 DCs was really easy.
Going from 2 to 3 was a whole different kettle of fish.
Go for it though if it's something you really want.

Original poster
MarionCole · 04/02/2011 22:04
OP posts:
drivingmisscrazy · 04/02/2011 22:04

make them earn a living instead Wink

Artichokes · 05/02/2011 07:11

I found the jump from 1 to 2 very hard. Of course I don't regret DD2 herself but I know I was a better mum to a singleton. There was less stress in our lives and I was much more patient. I thunk it's too flippant to say "you never regret a child you have" because you can wonder whether it was best to have the number you had without regretting individual children.

Having said that, I think I'd have still had DC2 even if I'd known how hard two wld be. I was a lonely only child and wanted something different for DD1.

seeker · 05/02/2011 07:15

It's worth it, if opnly for the moment when your ds says "us", and you realise he means him and his sibling, rather than him and you, Absolutly magical, that moment1

MistleToad · 05/02/2011 07:22

We have just been through this dilemma as Ds is 3 and I'm getting on a bit!

Decided to go for it but DP and I are quite ambivalent about the whole thing! Like the OP we are just worried it will ruin the lovely status quo we have - happy DS, I love my job, and I did not like the newborn stage one bit (Ds was not a happy baby!)

Well 9 weeks pg now so too late to rethink Smile!

FreudianSlippery · 05/02/2011 07:33

I'd go for it. As you said you're older, and the urge may get stronger later!

I was an only child so very biased, but I was always determined to have more than one myself.

FreudianSlippery · 05/02/2011 07:39

Totally agree seeker... Seeing my two together (when they aren't winding each other up :o) is just magical. I guess it may be more so because I never had a sibling, but the bond between them astounds me.

It's the little things - the way DD shares her food with DS, the way she reads him a story, the way DS's face lights up when he sees her.

Better stop now, I'm getting sniffly :)

seeker · 05/02/2011 08:05

There's nearly 5 years between mine. When dd was 7, her little brother insisted on taking a bunch of flowers to give her when we went to pick her up fron school. Seeing him standing there waiting with a little bunch of dandelions is one of my happiest memories.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 05/02/2011 08:07

what artichokes said
1-2 is hard, especially if dc2 is a tricky baby. Everyone insisted to us that dc2 would just fit right in, but she one of those babies - poor sleeper, boob monster, colicky - and i am exhausted in a way that i never was with dc1. having a second has disrupted our day to day life, as she won't sleep in the buggy/car, so we either have time things around her or put up with lots of screaming.

i wouldn't send her back (yet...Wink), but it has been harder than i thought.

ocdmummy · 05/02/2011 11:14

i think you should just go for it.my theory is that loads of people have 2 children (and sometimes more!)so it can't really be that difficult......can it!!??LOL!!if you want another child then whatever happens you'll be more then happy to just deal with it (if that make sense!)
I only have the one DD and I am longing to add to our little family but unfortunately my DH point blank refuses (not entirely sure why but i'm fed up trying to find out!!)
so if both you and your DH are happy to add to your family then go for it :)

sneakapeak · 05/02/2011 19:26

I hope charlotte doesn't take offence but when someone has a new baby and it's their 2nd, third and so on they tend to say it's hard etc and can be negative about a 2nd but this stage doesn't truley reflect how a subsequent baby is.
Trust me charlotte, your still to reap the benifits of two!

If someone had asked me when DD was a small baby how the 2nd was Shock. Id have said don't do it.

She had severe reflux and I was climbing the walls. I used to go on about how she was so much harder than DS and how life was so much easier with 1.

Id look at my DS and feel guilty it wasn't just the 3 of us anymore.

DD is now 13 months. Since 4/6 months it started to become apparent that she was not the terrible baby I thought she was.

Slowly we began to realise how funny, easy going (which was a turn around), constantly happy and amazing little girl she is.

She has just got on her feet recently and is toddling around with her huge smile with 2 bottom teeth laughing hysterically at everything and everyone.

OMG, imagine if I hadn't had her Sad.

Today, in a soft play cafe, my DD was doing her little drunk walk everywhere and there was a hyper little boy jumping and kept knocking her over by accident. My DS (3.8) came from nowhere, gently held her shoulders and screamed in the boy's face "GET AWAY FROM MY LITTLE SISTER YOU'LL HURT HER" Grin.

Go on, do it!! It doesn't matter if it's 2nd, 3rd, 4th. You are always scared to change what you have but I promise you eventually feel the same about your 2nd as you do about your first.

I keep thinking about a 3rd - but im scared to ruin what I have Hmm.

upahill · 05/02/2011 19:38

I am so happy that I had baby 2 who is now ds2 aged 11 and a bit!

I regret not having baby 3 and 4 Sad

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 05/02/2011 19:45

sneakapeak, i'm sure you'll be right.
i get mired down in the day to day stuff and forget to take the long view sometimes Smile.

Original poster
MarionCole · 06/02/2011 20:27

I asked DS again tonight when he was in bed and this time he said "yes please Mummy, a brother please, can we please, please Mummy, can we please have a baby, Mummy please?"

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