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Original poster

Age gaps - Have we left it too late??

39 replies

TLCDoula · 04/02/2011 10:38

I'm really broody (DH still isnt sure so it might not be an issue anyway yet... ) for DC3, but this would been there would be a large age gap if we went for it, potentially 10 & 7 years.

How big an age gap is too much do you think? We were in our early 20's when we had our other two, but for the past two years I've been yearning for another. I'm a different person now I'm in my 30's, more patient, financially settled etc and it just feels right.

DH however thinks the age gap is just too big, they'll have nothing in common and why rock the boat when he's totally happy with the family we've got now.

Any advice please?

Thanks

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TotorosOcarina · 04/02/2011 10:39

My aunt has a 17 year old and a 2 year old.

My husbands father has a 30 year old and a new born (with lots more in between!)

Mssoul · 04/02/2011 10:40

I have 10 years between my girls. Works well for us. They love each other a lot and you can enjoy every little stage again. In fact, I recommend it wholeheartedly although I didn't plan it to be this way.

midnightexpress · 04/02/2011 10:42

My brother and SIL have a 15 yo DS and a 10 month old DD. Their DS dotes on his baby sister. In many ways I think a big age gap is easier than an average age gap, as jealousy less likely to be an issue if the DC are older and a bit more mature, I imagine.

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gourd · 04/02/2011 10:49

Age gap between siblings as children may mean they don't play together as such, but you may find the older ones entertain (play with) and look after the youngest and make good babysitters! Larger age gaps will be less noticeable when they are adults and they will have each other when you are gone - you can't underestimate the support of siblings when you lose your parents.

Mssoul · 04/02/2011 10:49

Jealousy exists, but more in a stroppy teenage 'you never cuddle me any more' kind of way. This is easily addressed with a big cuddle though. Wee ones are much more cuddleable and my eldest doesn't really want a hug, just to wind me up I do make sure I spend time just with dd1, but this is always hideously expensive.

There are other benefits such as being able to nip into the shops and leave them in the car and (in the next year or so) leave teenager to babysit while we go to the cinema etc...

PipIsOutNow · 04/02/2011 14:17

there is 21 years between me and my little brother :)

BluddyMoFo · 04/02/2011 14:18

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clarabella18 · 04/02/2011 15:31

There will be 9 years between my 2 boys by the time no2 arrives. And there are 7 years between me and my little brother. Personally I think age gaps are irrelevant. As long as you and the rest of the family are happy and you spend quality time with all the kids it shouldn't matter.

pagwatch · 04/02/2011 15:41

Ds1 was 10 and ds2 was 6 when we had dd.

It is great.

An ideal age gap is a figment of the imagination. Or bollocks, whichever way you like to express it

HettyAmaretti · 04/02/2011 15:48

The construction and age gap you'd potentially have is very common where I am. A large proportion of (generally, middle class) families have 2 DC together and then a third typically 8-11 years after. It's so common they even have a word to describe it.

It seems to work really well.

Original poster

TLCDoula · 04/02/2011 16:25

Thanks everyone, the live in babysitter part is tempting! ;)

I guess there are pros and cons to all age gaps.

Now to convince DH!

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mjloveswineoclock · 04/02/2011 16:28

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mjloveswineoclock · 04/02/2011 16:30

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KirstyJC · 04/02/2011 16:30

My brother is nearly 10 years younger than me. It was great - like having a dolly that could move!!!

You will also have free babysitting from the older two in a couple of years and it is great being an older mum - I am 37 and due in 7 weeks with DC3.

Tell him not to worry, it will be fine.

darleneconnor · 04/02/2011 16:51

Ill havd at least a 9yr gap if/when i have more. I can see lots of advantages eg babysitting, less rivalry/jealousy, no double/tripld school runs, spaced out uni fees. I cant understand the logic of using this reason to not have a child.

psiloveyou · 04/02/2011 16:53

My DD1 is 22, DS is 10 and DD2 is 3. DD1 dotes on them both and is a fab babysitter.
DS adores his little sister (at this moment they are building lego together).
They don't have loads in common but really love each other and the age gap means I spent quality time with each one as a baby and have never suffered with sibling jealousy.

Giddyup · 04/02/2011 21:13

DS is (just) 8 and DD is 3 months old, I am loving it! He is at school all day and doesn't need that much "looking after" any more anyway, it is more "spending time with" now.

DD goes to bed at 7 so I get an hour to do bedtime stuff with DS. He absolutely adores her.

skybluepearl · 04/02/2011 21:31

i have a 7 and 5 year year gap and must say the big gap work so well. Having a much younger sibling has brought so much to the kids. They are both extra maternal since litle one arrived and take so much pleasure in the little funny things young kids do. The little one will just adore the older one too.

busyboysmum · 05/02/2011 21:36

Some lovely thoughts here - we are currently TTC number 3 and the age gap would be largish - ds1 would be nearly 10 and ds2 would be nearly 7 if a little one came along in 9 months.

I have seen them with their 1 year old cousin and they are doting so am hoping that the same would apply to a younger sibling.

I say go for it.

TooPragmatic · 05/02/2011 21:45

The age gap is not a problem. it is what it is. It will affect the family dynamics, but not necessarily in a bad way.

On the other hand, I would be concerned about bringing a child into the family when one parent isn't sure about the idea.

Good luck whatever you decide.

pointythings · 05/02/2011 21:46

The age gap between mine is 2 yrs 15 days. This is supposed to be the worst thing you can do - you should choose either less than 1 yr (WTF? Recovery time?) or more than 3 years.

I find it bloody hard work - they are either fighting like monsters or loving each other to bits with nothing in between.

I have no regrets - had DD1 at age almost 33 so no real choice) but a bit age gaps sounds like far less of a problem to me.

Honeydragon · 05/02/2011 21:46

I have 7 years between ds and dd dd worships her big brother and ds is wonderful with her. They both annoy each other but thats rather the point of siblings.

I had a 9 year difference between m and my brother and we adored each other too.

FWIW I had ds in my early 20's and I am A LOT more chilled as a parent now

SkipToTheEnd · 05/02/2011 21:53

There's 9 years between my 2 and I think it's fantastic.

DD was old enough to understand she'd have to wait a while if I was feeding etc. She was really keen to help and able to give him cuddles etc whilst I jumped in the shower or ate something.

He adores her and she's loving him learning new words etc. They play together well too - she builds him tents and roads from the books for his cars.

DS was a much harder baby and I don't think I'd have coped if DD had been younger tbh.

balijay · 05/02/2011 22:04

My DC were 11 and 8 when DD2 came along. She is 10 weeks now and the older ones absolutely adore her. Go for it- you might regret not trying for another but you are unlikely to regret having another!

LibraPoppyGirl · 05/02/2011 22:05

TLCDoula I have a 13yo DS and am currently 23 weeks with my second. Can't wait and DS is really excited and I am 40yo.

Do what feels right and good for you. Best wishes to you and your family.

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