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Parenting

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Original poster

tactics for reducing television use in a 3 yr old

48 replies

wondery · 21/01/2011 20:50

I am posting because my DD yr old LOVES television. I have been a bit lax in the past, our old house was very open plan and it was easy to have telly on. Because I often work from home marking and things I have over used the telly in the past. DH is a total telly addict as well and his normal habit is to put it on when he's home.

My dd is 3.5 and asks for telly from the minute she gets up. She badgers and winges and goes on and on. I have tried explaining to her that telly is bad for her intelligence, I have encouraged her to play and played with her, I do lots of crafts and cooking and we go out a lot.

On Saturdays & sundays she is allowed to watch 1-2 hours in the morning while DH get on with jobs. Usually a film. She has about an hour at night after preschool and when we get in on weekdays.

She's not totally addicted-she watched a film this morning because I had a big house clean to do and then it was off until 4.30pm-she watched til 5.30 but she must have asked me for it at least ten times today. I kept pulling out different toys for her and managed to keep her stimulated but it was hard work.

I know from a recent bought of D&V I had, she will happily watch TV and films all day. I'm worried it's too much.

I need some tactics for getting her to appreciate other things.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 21/01/2011 20:53

switch it off.

the badgering and whining only happens because she knows if she does it long enough you give in.

EldonAve · 21/01/2011 20:54

cold turkey
turn it off at the socket and claim it's broken

TheProvincialLady · 21/01/2011 20:55

At this age, it's not your daughter who needs weaning off the tv - it's you Just decide what YOU think is appropriate and ONLY let her have it then no matter how much she whinges. After a few days she will get the idea and the whinging will lessen.

Don't feel you need to up the craft etc to compensate. Get out some of her toys and read her some books, but let her find her own occupation a bit.

And stop your DH from putting the tv on the minute he gets home. It's not good for your DD and you can't blame her for wanting the same.

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marge2 · 21/01/2011 20:58

Oooh I've done that EldonAve! DSs have worked it out now so I have to do it at the fuse-box.. They've not sussed that one yet! Sadly it also means I can't have the iron on at the same time as the TV off.

moondog · 21/01/2011 20:59

FGS, just turn the bloody thing off.
Who is in charge in your house?

Original poster

wondery · 21/01/2011 21:03

Moondog, theres no real need for that tone or the face.

I am in charge but I am trying to make it easier on her and get some practical help, if thats ok with you. I do turn it off but it's the constant badgering for it that is doing my head in.

As I said in my above post I do have limits on screen time, but it's the time in between when she wants it and it's not going on that I am struggling with.

OP posts:

moondog · 21/01/2011 21:05

The more you give in the more she will badger.
If you say no, initially she will badger more but if you ride it out, eventually it will reduce.

I think your post is symptomatic of the way we have allowed kids, tiny kids, to take control and it isn't healthy.

lljkk · 21/01/2011 21:08

Play games with her, plan fun activities. Get out as much as possible.
Sympathies, I have similar issues with my almost 3yo. I don't have any breaks from him, so TV a very tempting babysitter to let concentrate on other things!

BornToFolk · 21/01/2011 21:08

Turn it off. Tell her she can have 1 programe/x amount at a certain time and stick to it. She'll give up the badgering when she knows it's not going to get her anywhere.

DS is 3.3 and he gets about 20 mins of TV before bedtime starting at 6.15pm. He's looks at my watch and can tell me when it's "cbeebies time". If he asks before then, I show him my watch and tell him it's not time yet.

Original poster

wondery · 21/01/2011 21:11

But this isn't a new problem, I am seeing no signs of the badgering reducing despite moving into a new house with a seperate lounge last July. I know and take full responsibilty that I have created this habit in her but we have been here 6 months, she has been on the same screen time limits every single day since we moved in here, and yet she still asks for it every minute she can. The answer is allways the same NO apart from exceptional circumstances like when I was laid up with D&V and stuck at home with her alone all day. I haven't waivered from that. I feel I am now doing the right thing but the habit is proving very hard to break.

If I wanted to be judged I would have posted in AIBU

OP posts:

moondog · 21/01/2011 21:11

Buy one of these for her and use it.

moondog · 21/01/2011 21:12

Sorry, You can't pick and choice the calibre and/or tone of responses on a public forum.

Original poster

wondery · 21/01/2011 21:18

Thank you borntofolk(good name BTW :))

I actually haven't tried to do it by time yet-time limits yes, and I have used a timer, but not actual times. We have some stickers on the big kitchen clock which indicate bed time. I think I could do the same with TV time.

lljkk Youre right it is too easy, especially when I have work to do. DD is a bright child and she has an exceptional vocab for her age so I must be doing something right at least!

I just wish she would make the choice to do other things rather than be so telly dependant.

OP posts:

marge2 · 21/01/2011 21:30

What I find helps getting my DS1 off the computer is giving him a countdown. If I just rock up and say "time's up" he goes off on one. I give him a 10 minute warning, then a 5 minute warning etc. He seems to take it better then.

I know what you mean about the badgering though. Drives you MAD!

Sufi · 21/01/2011 21:45

It may be the fact that some days (ie weekends) she can have TV in the daytime, and other days not - she won't differentiate between days & so for her the boundaries are worth pushing as sometimes she gets what she wants, other times not.

We have a not TV in the daytime rule, 7 days w week (have a 3 yr old). FWIW I love TV & would have it on more but DH thinks it's the work of the devil!

DS occasionally asks for TV in the day but the rule we have is v clear, so I don't get pestered. You just need to be consistent.

I do sympathise, though, as I rarely get stuff done as either DH or me are playing with the boy at weekends. Well, that's my excuse for letting the housework slip anyway..

Sufi · 21/01/2011 21:46

sorry, meant 'no TV in the daytime' - crappy netbook typing!

Sufi · 21/01/2011 21:48

ps. she's never going to make the choice not to watch TV herself - it's designed to be appealing and addictive, and very young children just don't have the reasoning to understand why it might be better to do something else... that one's up to you I'm afraid.

McHobbes · 21/01/2011 21:51

" I have tried explaining to her that telly is bad for her intelligence"

Have you? I bet that sank in to her three year old brain right enough! Hahahhaaaaa!!
Oooh you have made me laugh!

Switch. It. Off.

PrincessBoo · 21/01/2011 22:11

I know that you don't need to be told to switch it off - what you are struggling with is the inbetween bits.

I think that allowing her to whinge and putting in virtual ear plugs while you get on with what you're doing is fine - eventually she will get on and amuse herself - learning to occupy herself is a skill she needs to learn, but I think if we mothers keep bending over backwards trying to entertain all the time we end up doing ourselves and our kids no favours.

I only hope I can learn to follow my own advice :o

whoknowswhatthefutureholds · 21/01/2011 22:20

We had this problem after they were all ill for week so they watch far more than usual. y They became a nightmare.

So we did a week total cold turkey, just said one night that we werent watching tv/computers from tomorrow.

Then reintroduced it using iplayer so they watch one programme it finishes at that is that til tomorrow.

It's been great, the week off was brilliant and they totally stopped asking. (we have 14, 5 , 3 and 1 year old),

Put your foot down! sounds like she is in control, as for whinging just ignore it completely. as in dont even respond to it

Pterosaur · 21/01/2011 22:21

Does she go to pre-school or anything? I invented a rule when my first child was 3 that it was 'not allowed' to watch tv on 'school' mornings. She apparently thought it was some kind of universal law and never questioned it.

Still holds good 10 years later (she knows it's not the law now, it's just not something we do).

yousankmybattleship · 21/01/2011 22:24

Erm...turn it off! You are the parent ffs!

McHobbes · 21/01/2011 22:27

Ok - practical advice time.

I like my kids to be able to entertain themselves without telly while I get on with other things.

I find the following works well.....

I have all the Duplo in one box, the jigsaws in another, the playmobil in another, sticklebricks in another etc etc etc

I keep all the toys in the bedroom and each day, when i want the telly off and have things to do, I get out a box of something or other and take it into the living room.

The key is to rotate so they don't get bored, so one day sticklebricks, the next day Duplo, the next the play till and toy shopping trolley....and go through them all until you start at the beginning again....so each time something appears, they haven't seen it for a while and it piques their interest for a an hour or even two.

Try it!

ttalloo · 21/01/2011 22:31

Hi Wondery, we have a similar problem, only with some boundaries.

If I'm at home alone with DS1 (nearly 4) and DS2 (2yrs 3mos) then they are allowed to watch Charlie & Lola on cBeebies at 7am for 10 minutes and then the TV goes off until lunchtime, when they watch it while eating their lunch, and then it's off again until 5pm when it stays on till CBeebies have finished. So they get three hours with me.

But if DH, who like your DH has to have the TV on constantly, is home, then the TV goes on from the second he gets downstairs to the second they go to bed, with the three of them arguing who is going to watch their programme (we only have one TV). Usually he gives in and lets them watch cBeebies, and I can only get the ruddy thing turned off by shepherding the DSs out of the house. It means that our weekends are lived out to the soundtrack of cBeebies and drives me mad.

But it has got to a point where even DH has realised that the boys now watch cBeebies on a loop with the same programmes repeated, and the songs and music are doing his head in, so we decided (much to my relief) to go cold turkey last weekend.

Unfortunately, we all went down with flu, so cBeebies was a lifesaver, and has been all week. As the boys are still poorly we are not going cold turkey until next weekend, but I have bought a timer in preparation, and I am determined to get the TV back under our control.

You can do it too - and the whinging will stop eventually, you know .

doricpatter · 21/01/2011 22:31

I had this (still do a bit) after a long bout of illness whereby it was a saviour but he became addicted.

Now I put it on but set the timer on it. Told him it's tired and had enough so switched off - he accepts that fine. If he badgers I ignore it, sometimes sympathise but explain that it's not good for us to do the same thing all the time. And just be consistent - hard if you're having one of those days and want to have it on for the peace and quiet but not fair on the kids if it's inconsistent. Plus, I'm not sure if it's the same for you but I find his behaviour is awful if he's watched a lot of TV, and only seems to sort itself out if he gets out to run for a bit. Seems to burn mental energy but not physical energy and this leads to tired bleary zoned-out armageddon.

"No, we've had enough TV for today. You can either play with your helicopter in your room or take the pirate ship out. Then we'll do jigsaws/have a snack/go to the shop." Distraction, see. :)

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