tactics for reducing television use in a 3 yr old

[wondery]

I am posting because my DD yr old LOVES television. I have been a bit lax in the past, our old house was very open plan and it was easy to have telly on. Because I often work from home marking and things I have over used the telly in the past. DH is a total telly addict as well and his normal habit is to put it on when he's home.

My dd is 3.5 and asks for telly from the minute she gets up. She badgers and winges and goes on and on. I have tried explaining to her that telly is bad for her intelligence, I have encouraged her to play and played with her, I do lots of crafts and cooking and we go out a lot.

On Saturdays & sundays she is allowed to watch 1-2 hours in the morning while DH get on with jobs. Usually a film. She has about an hour at night after preschool and when we get in on weekdays.

She's not totally addicted-she watched a film this morning because I had a big house clean to do and then it was off until 4.30pm-she watched til 5.30 but she must have asked me for it at least ten times today. I kept pulling out different toys for her and managed to keep her stimulated but it was hard work.

I know from a recent bought of D&V I had, she will happily watch TV and films all day. I'm worried it's too much.

I need some tactics for getting her to appreciate other things.

Actually I'd say turn it on, but that's only because my ds1 actually pay's less attention to the tv when it's on (muted)

If it's off, he'll turn it on then go and busy himself with building blocks, books whatever. He only pay's attention to it at 6pm once he's in pj's and relaxing with the waybuloo's.

Otherwise, as others have said, tell her what time she can have it on, tell her that will be the only time it will be on. The badgering should stop once she realises you mean it.

put the radio on instead. have you heard of fun kids radio? ds is also 3 and to reduce tv we listen to that and when its my turn (we take turns so i don't go completely mad) i put on radio 6. i think its the background noise that we both like, if you are used to a lot of tv it seems very quiet when you just turn it off.

oooh ninja-thanks for the radio link.

and thanks everyone else for the useful advice, theres some good stuff here, thank you x

It sounds to me like your daughter is a) bored and b) trying to get your attention. If you are marking you could sit her with you and give her pens and paper, hole punch etc to 'work' alongside you. If you are cleaning, would she not love to help you with a cloth, dustpan and brush. MAybe informing yourself about what the research says about young children watching tv will convince you its a battle worth having! Toxic Childhood by Sue Palmer is an interesting read on the subject.

I will check that out, dontsweat

I already know it's damaging her, I see it in her behaviour.

tell her if she nags the tv is off for the rest of the day.

first thing in the morning can you agree with her which programmes she can watch?

I have a 3 yr old with similar impulses. I just say "humm, no tv til after supper - let's do colouring in/ painting/ dressing the dolls / help me with x, y or z" and she goes "ok!" and if she asks again, I have other suggestions. She WOULD just sit and watch it, but tbh, she also wanders off in the midst to do something more interesting. You could try presenting the more interesting options ALONGSIDE watching something and when your DD is distracted enough, turn to mute or off completely - if the first suggestion (mine) doesn't work for you.

My tele was on all day ..the kids could take it or leave it ...

Finger. Button. Press.

Wilf - how original and constructive

Wondery - in my opinion, if you aren't careful you will end up swapping one problem for another by becomin the becoming the TV replacement! Tell her she has plenty of toys to play with and ask her if there's anything she would like you to get out for her... then leave her to it. She is old enough not to need constant entertainment, it's not good for their creativity. Then tell her that the TV goes on for 'TV time' later at x o'clock - if you hear ONE WORD about it before then, it will not be going on AT ALL.

She is old enough for this and she is old enough to understand that 'weekends' are different - however, if it was me I wouldn't put the goggle box on then either! I think our parents had it much easier when kids TV was only on for a short while each day and if you missed Magic Roundabout you missed it - end of, after that it was news and boring crap

My little girl was in school by that age so couldn't really watch telly all day (though tended to watch more on a Sunday)

Before that we went to pre-school (which meant we were out for at least half the day 4 days a week) and before that toddler groups. On top of that were trips out to the park and shopping and (argh!) soft play so we were hardly ever in the house when DD was young.

My DD would watch Cbeebies all day given the chance and I don't see that there is anything wrong with a bit of TV and it is great when either of us is off colour.

In all honesty, I don't think an hour at night and 2 hours at weekends is a problem.

My dd used to be like this. She loved watching tv and films. I did limit it but she constantly asked for it. When I was pg and then breastfeeding for hours on end i did rely on it and she watched far too much She is also very bright with a good vocabulary so am not worried. Now she is nearly 5 she is a lot less interested and can take it or leave it Much more. Her ability to play and play on her own has improved. Telling her every time she asks for it will result in less minutes is a good idea. You could make it visual for her by stricking off minutes from a piece of papereverytime she asks. That might stop the whinging.

Honestly not sure all ffs comments are necessary. Someone has posted for help so why be so snipey.

Radio as Ninja said, good idea. I also find dancing to cds fun with 3 year olds. Get some lively ones ..even cbeebies theme tunes [!!!] to start with. We have a wonderful Australian cd called 'Songs to make you smile' sung by Justine Clarke. Also Australian 'playschool' cds good. Your DD would be bopping about in no time. Good luck!

I think that all the time about the 70's Chippingin :o

Shoshana - the OP isn't saying an hour a day and two at the weekend are a problem (and neither am I) what she is saying is that the constant bloody nagging for it the other hours she's awake is driving her up the wall and she's asking how to stop it!

Twofalls - I blame 'Friday Had A Glass Of Wine Itis' for posts like that. People who feel suddenly brave/witty after a glass of Lambrini. Oh, that and the fact that some people are twats, with or without a drink

PrincessBoo - great time to grow up wasn't it :) Well it was for me, you probably weren't even born!

Like ttalloo we OD'd while all 4 of us flu'd at Xmas on TV. My DH also tends to the 'on all the time' as well. He needs to reign in that habit, mine did. I said if it wasn't off between 9-5 7 days a week I'd remove it into storage, I was so sick of it dominating our lives.

My nearly-3 year old is currently glued to me learning how to do things around the house instead, emptying and filling the dishwasher, washing machine, using the hoover, wiping stuff down and watching me fix stuff. It is that stage with him.

Or bundled up on the patio playing with bubbles. Or doing stickers, toys etc, or out and about. This is the critical age I think to get them to be on their own and find out ideas to do for themselves. I make a lot of positive noise for any child who comes with a thing to do or a new idea. My older one is often called 'DS1, the game inventor. One of the school mums is better at me than this and I find having mine play with hers is an inspiration when I can borrow them.

Even though he is only 2.10, he knows what whinging and nagging are and can stop when asked %80 of the time. Showed him what he sounds like and how it makes me feel, complete drama queen over acting I was:) When he stops he is always rewarded with simple praise/acknowledgment or my big gun, which is also 'screen time' but he loves, 10 minutes with me working out how www.poissonrouge.com works.

When the TV is on I want them choosing programs they like and watching them and telling me about them afterwards, not just gawping like fish at it, or using it as comforting flicker to play in front of. Buy a fire or aquarium DVD if it is just fire-flicker to huddle by that they like.

The TV is still on quite a lot, probably 3 hours a day I guess. Program quality in this country is often amazing, and I want my kids media and tech savvy and critical when they grow up. We have a hard drive recorder and tape loads. They don't watch huge amounts of live TV, mostly specific programs or DVDs they are really into. The 5 year old can fast forward through any adverts as well, which is a bonus:)

I think that you may have to resign yourself to the fact that the next few weeks/months/years are going to be about nagging- because that's what 3yos do! It doesn't necessarily mean she has a genuine addiction that she has to be weaned off gently, or anything serious like that. We didn't even own a television when dd was 3 and she could still nag for England- she just chose other things to nag about. Stories, biscuits, toys, cuddles. Eventually I managed to teach her that nagging didn't get her anywhere. But it took a while tbh.

Chippingin 1972 :)

For us it isn't the TV it is computer games.

everytime they ask about it 5 minutes is taken off the time they are allowed to play.

They know that they will be allowed 1 hour on a saturday and 1 hour on a sunday they don't mind that bit it is just the constant asking that drves me bonkers.

The first weekend we started the 5 minutes off DS1 lost 30 minutes and DS2 lost 15 minutes

it has reduced each weekend and now it is just the occasional slip up.

You said your DD is bright, perhaps having a clear jar with pingpong balls in each counting for 5 minutes and each time she nags you about it you physically take her and remove a ball from the jar?

Princess - I think I might change my name to PrincessChippingIn, it makes you sound much younger

Yeah - maybe I should change my name to ironicprincessboo but I really don't give a toss :o