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Parenting

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Original poster

For those of you who held/carried your lo's to sleep

50 replies

waffle3 · 19/01/2011 16:36

how long did you have to carry on doing this?
My ds is 3 months and 15lb so not small and its really hurting my arm/back.

I try to put him dwn put he wakes tried to get him to sleep independantly and he spends hrs cryin whilst i stand rubbing stroking him and i give in.

I'm feeling a bit crap as i cant seem to get it right and im worried im going to have to do this unti hes 2-3. Going back to work when hes a year old so i doubt that the childminder will hold him so he can sleep.

He show little interest in toys and cant roll over and im worried he isnt doing these things as he just cuddled all the time.
Ob i love doing this but i crave some structure like other mums have.

Ive got pnd so im feeling im struggling to bond etc.

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TheArmadillo · 19/01/2011 16:42

whatever you're doing now won't last forever.

DD is a bit older (5months) and will go down to sleep now but wouldn't at 3 months. SHe still won't be put down while awake for more than 10 mins. BUt she has got more of a structure/routine during the day, especially when it comes to naps.

It will start to improve.

We laid dd down with her mobile adn just kept picking her up and putting her down again when she cried. Then one day she just started sleeping by herself.

I remember finding the lack of structure hard, but it has improved.

Original poster

waffle3 · 19/01/2011 16:45

should i try everyday and if he doesnt sleep cuddle him?

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ZimboMum · 19/01/2011 16:49

As Armadillo said, this phase won't last forever. I've found with my DS (nearly 9 wks) that while he will settle in his moses basket at night, he fights naps during the day with all his might and we do a lot of picking up and soothing and then putting down again. Sometimes he'll drop off on his own and sometimes we have to start the whole performance again.

Could you try rocking him in a bouncy chair or cot/moses basket rather than picking him up. DS is over 12lb and is getting rather heavy for lots of carrying :)

One thing we've found that helps during the night, which might help during the day is heating his basket up with a hot water bottle and wrapping him up snug when putting him down

Good luck.

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Flisspaps · 19/01/2011 16:50

You will find that you get some sort of structure to your day eventually.

DD is 10mo, and is still cuddled to sleep. I usually sit down when I hold her though, she's about 19lbs.

If you want to cuddle him, then do. 3 months is still tiny, there's plenty of time in the future to worry about getting him to sleep on his own.

FWIW, I've recently started looking after another little girl (8mo, registered childminder with a variation before anyone says I can't) and I cuddle her to sleep for her naps as well as DD. It can be done :)

Flisspaps · 19/01/2011 16:51

Also - can you use a sling for him? That frees up your arms, but allows him to be close to you.

Original poster

waffle3 · 19/01/2011 16:56

yes used a sling intil a week ago as he can entertain himself in his chair for 30mins so get abit of housework done then.

I dont want to wear a sling anymore as it hurts my back.

Im worried im going to have o be very harsh with him when i go back to work and it feels me with dread as hes so used to cuddles.

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TheArmadillo · 19/01/2011 17:01

you have months and months ahead of you to get this sorted. He might have naturally changed by then or you have plenty of time to try other methods. When he gets to 6 months you can try things like controlled crying.

I would very much go with the flow for a bit longer. Give yourself another month or so and then try putting him down again and see how it goes.

Everything is undoable at this age.

TheArmadillo · 19/01/2011 17:02

ccontrolled crying is only an example - there are other gentler techniques as well.

Original poster

waffle3 · 19/01/2011 17:02

thanks for reasurrance xx

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Original poster

waffle3 · 19/01/2011 17:03

what others are there?

Is cc when you let them cry for x amount of time go in stop them crying and repeat?

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CharlotteBronteSaurus · 19/01/2011 17:04

waffle my dd2 is the same as yours - age and weight as well as sleep preferences!
what sling are you using? i can still comfortably carry DD2 in a kari me and a wilkinet.

I also rock her side to side sat down on the sofa. she does grumble about this, but i figure it's a reasonable compromise when i'm tired

coatgate · 19/01/2011 17:06

I rembember wailing to a friend - "How do you put them down" as I didn't seem able to ever to leave my DD anywhere. It will pass. Just chill and enjoy the cuddles.

TheArmadillo · 19/01/2011 17:08

pick up put down method for 3 month old

Original poster

waffle3 · 19/01/2011 17:38

thanks that was helpful maybe will try at weekend
x

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Flisspaps · 19/01/2011 19:07

There is also the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley, which I've seen recommended by a few people on here. I bought it but somehow just having it in the house was enough to get DD sleeping better at night

I can dig it out and send it to you if you like - if you would like it then pm me your address.

MoonUnitAlpha · 19/01/2011 19:09

I didn't start trying to move towards self-settling til 4 months - it was a very gentle process over about 6 weeks though, and now at 5.5 months ds more or less self-settles most of the time I was still holding him to sleep until about a week ago.

Original poster

waffle3 · 19/01/2011 21:27

Flisspaps thanku very much but i have this book alongside baby whisperer, gina ford and the honest guide to parenting. lol ive read a few. But will get the book out again.

Moonunitalpha- How did you do this? He goes off sort of ok at night but wont have any of it in the day.

Dont think ive got it in me to do the pick up put dwn and see it through an hr is enough for me.

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AngelDog · 19/01/2011 23:36

My DS needs either feeding or rocking to sleep. I sit in an Ikea Poang chair and rock him gently. He's 12 months and weighs 26 lbs and I don't find it difficult. To be honest, I'm glad to have a method that works. The NCSS ideas have also helped.

Pick up put down may not be suitable for babies under 4 months: see Baby Whisperer advice here.

BertieBotts · 19/01/2011 23:48

I wouldn't worry too much about your return to work. DS has always been cuddled to sleep, but at the childminder's, she puts him in his pushchair in a quiet room and he just goes to sleep - no crying, no protesting, nothing.

Friends have told me very similar things, that babies who don't sleep alone at home will sleep alone quite happily at nursery or with a childminder. The pushchair though could be a suggestion perhaps? If it's movement he wants that could help. But he is so tiny, please don't worry about it just yet. I know I used to get DS to sleep at about 9 months when he was obsessed with trying to crawl, pull up on the side of the cot etc, by strapping him in his pushchair and either walking around the block or just rocking it back and forth in the living room without making eye contact with him.

What sling have you got? Most good slings won't hurt your back at 3 months - a baby bjorn/tomy/generic one probably will.

You could also try a really gradual approach if you want to wean him off cuddling to sleep. So cuddle for now, then move to lying down with him on your chest, but don't walk around, then move to lying down in bed with him but with him in the crook of your arm, move to lying down next to him, move to lying down further away with your hand on his chest/back, move to standing next to the cot with your hand on him, move to putting him down and sitting near the cot, move to putting him down and walking out of the room. If he likes to look to check you're still there, but eye contact wakes him up too much, then mimic falling asleep yourself - let your eyelids drift closed (or just keep your eyes closed) and peek quickly every now and again to see when he's asleep (though you should feel him go limp and hear his breathing change)

Oh and I'm pretty sure most 3 month olds can't roll or look at toys, don't worry! Cuddling definitely will NOT stunt his development, babies evolved to be cuddled :) Carrying him a lot is the best thing for him - the most interesting thing for him to see right now isn't a lump of plastic, it's you and other people - he's learning to be a human :)

mathanxiety · 20/01/2011 03:27

Don't worry about the future. try to live in the here and now. Your baby can only gain by being cuddled - don't look over your shoulder at what other mums are doing, and don't feel inadequate that you're not doing it. I spent years walking around with mine attached at the hip and they're all independent (too independent!) now. Nothing like close physical proximity for bonding too.

If you want to put the baby down when he's fallen asleep, try wrapping him in a blanket including his head, or putting a fluffy blanket in the cot so the cold sheets won't wake him, plus something to lean against like a cot wedge so he still feels that he's held.

Three months is too young to roll over or be interested in toys - you are the centre of his world. You are all he is interested in. Enjoy it while it lasts. Agree with BertieB here. I'm not a fan of Gina Ford at all; too much pressure, training of parents and baby. If you can lay your hands on books by William and Martha Sears, they might give you some useful mantras and helpful hints.

If you have pnd, the cc might be too stressful.

PogueMahone · 20/01/2011 05:30

Oh my goodness, please don't worry that "you can't get it right" because "he's just cuddled all the time". I bet your baby wouldn't agree with that statement, he must be loving it, feeling secure and close to the most important person in the world to him.

I wouldn't expect a baby to roll or be fussed about toys at 3mo.

My older dc were fed or cuddled to sleep until they seemed to no longer need it (at 8mo and about 13mo) and from then on were brilliant at going to sleep on their own. The youngest (7mo) still gets fed to sleep. I feed him lying down and he conks out.

It sounds like you're doing brilliantly, and all your cuddling is the best thing in the world for bonding.

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/01/2011 07:44

waffle - I kind of did the gradual thing that BertieBotts suggests. I fed him to sleep til 4 months, he wasn't ready for anything else before that. Then moved from feeding to sleep to rocking, then to just holding/cuddling in a chair, then pick up/put down at about 5 months, then just patting him in his cot.

berri · 20/01/2011 07:55

I did Pick Up Put Down - worked amazingly well.

clarabella18 · 20/01/2011 11:07

my DS always fell asleep on his last bottle of the day and never went to his cot awake, this was a huge problem whichmeant that he still insited on being in my arms playing with my hair in order to get to sleep until about the age of 2 1/2. i just couldn;t bring myself to do the controlled crying and in the end had to do the thing of slowly moving away form the bed, sit at the side of the bed, sit on a chair at the door, sit at a chair outside the door..... He's now 9 and has no problems but i will not allow this to happen when DC2 makes an appearance in May!

Original poster

waffle3 · 20/01/2011 14:25

Thanks everyone,
Going to chuck out all the books!!
He sleps well at night on his own so not a prob then goes dwn awake has abit of a grumble and goes off last night 8.00-3am 3.30am-8.30am and he goes straight dwn after feeding no fuss.

Its just the day that is the prob tried this morning but he cries like hes bein hurt so i cant do it to him.
My mum has told me to do whats best for him.
She cuddled us all to sleep in the day until we gradually didnt need it.
When we were older we would fall asleep on sofa and she would carry us up.

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