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Parenting

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Original poster

For those of you who held/carried your lo's to sleep

50 replies

waffle3 · 19/01/2011 16:36

how long did you have to carry on doing this?
My ds is 3 months and 15lb so not small and its really hurting my arm/back.

I try to put him dwn put he wakes tried to get him to sleep independantly and he spends hrs cryin whilst i stand rubbing stroking him and i give in.

I'm feeling a bit crap as i cant seem to get it right and im worried im going to have to do this unti hes 2-3. Going back to work when hes a year old so i doubt that the childminder will hold him so he can sleep.

He show little interest in toys and cant roll over and im worried he isnt doing these things as he just cuddled all the time.
Ob i love doing this but i crave some structure like other mums have.

Ive got pnd so im feeling im struggling to bond etc.

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Original poster

waffle3 · 20/01/2011 14:27

when i see didnt need it i mean stopped needing naps so 2 year or so.

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Original poster

waffle3 · 20/01/2011 14:35

ive got a mamas and papas cybex sling as i didnt like the look of a wrap one i wanted one where i knew he was strapped in ie legs in holes so no way could he fall out.

I tried the babasling and it looked so unsafe it was terrible so got alot of useless slings around the house

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MoonUnitAlpha · 20/01/2011 14:37

I didn't get on with the babasling either but I can recommend the Close carrier if you're ever looking for another one - it's similar to a stretchy wrap but has rings so you don't have to tie it yourself. Very comfy to wear and no way the baby can fall out!

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BertieBotts · 20/01/2011 14:48

Yes the cybex one is similar in style to a baby bjorn so will probably be uncomfortable, as it hangs all the weight off your shoulders rather than distributing it to your thighs and waist.

With wraps there are two pieces of material between the baby's legs and another one tight around their waist, so there's no way they could fall out, but if you did want something more structured maybe something like a connecta or other one of these would be good. You can usually pick them up second hand on ebay or ukbabywearingswap.

Agree that the babasling is a bit useless, at least until they can sit up (even then there are better options!)

mathanxiety · 20/01/2011 14:52

Glad you're chucking out the books, and going with the flow. Your mum sounds lovely.

Original poster

waffle3 · 20/01/2011 15:16

seen a close one on ebay second hand. Is it very secure?

Dont want to spend another £50 on a sling
Yeh my mum is lovely. lol

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MoonUnitAlpha · 20/01/2011 15:21

Yes, one piece goes over each of your shoulders and across the baby's back and between the legs, and there's another piece of fabric you can tie round your middle for extra security. Very comfy and I can still carry my ds in it for hours. It puts him to sleep instantly too!

Original poster

waffle3 · 20/01/2011 15:27

thanku dont mind a second hand one as its washable i think.
Just means i will be able to do chores etc and when hes awake spend time with him rather than leaving him in bouncer whilst i do these things
x

OP posts:

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/01/2011 15:28

I bought a second hand one on ebay too, I've never washed it though as it looked clean enough to me

Original poster

waffle3 · 20/01/2011 15:34

lol im bidding on one thats barely been used(not sure if thats a good thing) so will have a look.
Will let u know how i get on. How old is ur DS?

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MoonUnitAlpha · 20/01/2011 15:37

24 weeks now. The only downside to the Close carrier is you can only use it on your front not your back.

Original poster

waffle3 · 20/01/2011 15:43

thats ok double my los age then xx

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Cosmosis · 20/01/2011 18:04

I'm looking at chilminders now for ds and lots of them will cuddle to sleep so don't worry too much about that, you just need to find the right onr for you.

BertieBotts · 20/01/2011 19:34

I used a stretchy wrap which is similar to a Close Carrier until DS was 9 months or so - in fact I remember carrying him around for a whole day (6 hours) and only getting tired/achy after about 5 hours when he was 8 months old. When the fabric starts to sag (due to baby's weight) it gets uncomfortable, but if you wanted to carry on slinging her, that's a perfect age to start using something like a Patapum Toddler which will go on your front or back.

AngelDog · 20/01/2011 20:51

I had a Close carrier for when DS was little, but he was too heavy for it by 5/6 months (he used to make the stretchy fabric sag). He's a 99th centile weight baby though. We now have a Connecta which is much better - and you can use it for back carries too.

pointythings · 20/01/2011 21:01

I carried mine around in slings until they were about 4 months and started being interested in the world around them rather than in me - they were both good sleepers at night, terrible nappers during the day, if I got more than 45 minutes nap[ out of them I was doing well and they woudl only ever BF to sleep during the day.

I went back to work at 6 months each time (this was before the days of current long maternity leave [envy icon] and they always napped like anything at nursery without any screaming. Don't stress about it, keeping them close at this age is nothing but good for them.

AngelDog · 20/01/2011 21:04

Oh, those 45 min naps were horrible, weren't they, pointy? DS did that for months and months and months. Now he's 12 m.o. and I have to wake him after 2 and a half hours, though!

pointythings · 20/01/2011 21:14

Angel - not just me then - by the time they were 18 months or so they were both having one long (2 hours) nap during the day with no trouble.

Oh, and OP - despite all the carrying around I did, plus BF on demand and general attachment parenting stuff my two DDs (10 and nearly 8) are the most independent, confident, self-sufficient excellent sleepers you could wish for, so you are not making a rod for your own back no matter what people might say)

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/01/2011 21:16

Mine does the 45 minute nap thing too - though in the afternoon I get in there quick and rock him back to sleep after the first 45 minutes. The NCSS book reckons if you do that they start sleeping longer on their own, but it hasn't happened yet.

AngelDog · 20/01/2011 21:47

MUA, I read that in the NCSS too - I started to be able to resettle DS partway through the nap at about 7 months, and was still having to do it at 12 months!

I find if he's really shattered (which he is as we've just dropped to one nap) he'll settle himself between cycles.

OP, it was 7 months before DS had any predictable 'by the clock' structure to his day, but that was later than most babies I know. I reckon I could have nudged him into more of a routine sooner. More predictable napping patterns don't usually emerge till 3/4 months+ when babies' biological clocks mature.

It does change lots though. DS used to only nap in the sling, then could be rocked, then would only feed to sleep, then that stopped working at 8 months and rocking works now. I'm sure it'll be different in a few months' time!

containher · 21/01/2011 19:31

As a nightnanny/sleep trainer/maternity nurse/nanny etc in my life B.C I had many jobs where parents were still rocking 2 year olds to sleep- and who had related back problems. And those who physically couldn't carry there 4 year olds to sleep, were having to spend hours sitting by there beds stroking their heads etc for hours. Definitley a rod for your won back material! Some babies do naturally move on to a new phase and make the transition to sleeping alone quite well. If you aren't into CC, then take the advice of the other mums here suggesting weaning him off the cuddles to sleep. If by 1 yr and you haven't cracked it. don't worry about the childminder/anny/nursery. Babies /children nearly always do things they 'can't' do at home. I am a childminder now, and I can't tell you how many mums have said " Dc won't nap unless rocked/sung to etc" or Dc doesn't eat this and that " but for me you would never have know it was an issue as off they go and nod off to sleep after eating all the foods they won't eat.

naturalbaby · 21/01/2011 20:31

have you tried white noise and a comforter? i even tried one of my t-shirts snuggled right up to ds1 to put him down 1/2 asleep!

i found the first nap of the day tended to dictate how he was going to sleep for the rest of the day/night so if i could get him to settle partly or totally on his own for the first nap we was more likely to do it for the next naps/night time. if he really needed cuddling to sleep then i just put it down to one of those days and tried again the next day. when we were both really tired/fed up then i would co-sleep for the afternoon nap and felt much better about things.

LiegeAndLief · 21/01/2011 20:50

Ha ha - dd is 18months old and weighs 12kg and we are still rocking her to sleep (stood up).

Will now go back and read all the other posts to find out how to stop...

PartialToACupOfMilo · 21/01/2011 22:20

I feed my daughter to sleep at night (she's 13 months), but occasionally she doesn't fall asleep like that and I just hold her until she does and then lay her down. She then sleeps through until 6:30 the next morning, when she comes into our bed and has a BF / snuggle until 7:15 ish when we all have to get up - it's lovely

During the day when I'm home I feed her to sleep (and at around 4pm on weekends we snuggle up on the sofa and both have a sleep while she has an on / off BF. (Not recommending with small baby though). When she's with dh she sometimes falls asleep with a bottle (if it's milk time too) and when she's at the CMs (3 days a week) she has various routines; sometimes CM has her on her lap for a nap, sometimes she falls asleep on a bottle like with dh, sometimes she's rocked in the pushchair and sometimes she's put into the cot and goes off. We all just do whatever we need and to be honest it works. It helps that dd is flexible, but then I think most children are. Our CM is possibly the best there is and dd loves her dearly, but you could find someone like that too.

Anyway my point is to go with whatever works, the less tired you both are the better the awake times will be and snuggly cuddles are wonderful. But why stand? Get a good chair near to the cot and the transfer won't be a problem and your back will be much better.

I feel I should also add though that my dd once fell asleep while having her nappy changed on the floor, so she may just be narcoleptic!

Original poster

waffle3 · 22/01/2011 15:57

Hi all,

What ive been doing last few days is holding ds to sleep then putting dwn he will sleep for 30mins. But at least he wakes up in his moses and realises he cant always be cuddled.

This i cant work out is he sleeps relatively wwell at night so will go dwn 8pm ish maybe moan cry for 15-20mins while i keep going in and then goes off into deep sleep till 2-3am and feeds then goes till 7ish.
Unfortunately he isnt a feed to sleep type of baby for some reason.

If i know hes tired in the day i put him dwn stroke him for abit put his dummy in but he just looks wide awake and wont go off and screams after a while because ob he is tired but wont give in.
Seems strange he will do it at night but not in day.
I wonder whether its hes too noisey and in the night he cant see

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