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Original poster

When is it too soon to leave baby

39 replies

Queenie333 · 05/01/2011 21:04

Hi, I have a 3 month old and come mid Feb she will be 4 and a half months. One of my best friends is getting married in April and i am a bridesmaid. Her hen do is in Feb and she has rented a cottage for a weekend 1 hr from where we live. I am unsure whether to go. Is it too soon to have a weekend away without baby? I would like to but a) not sure how i will feel and b) not sure if it is inappropriate or unfair to baby? Anyone else had similar situation or has advice?

OP posts:

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angel1976 · 05/01/2011 21:32

I think you have opened a can of worms here! There will be loads of people coming on to tell you 1. You are unreasonable, we don't leave babies till they are 18! 2. Go on and do it, you only live once, you can't let babies rule your life etc etc. I can't tell you what to do, just my experience!

I didn't leave DS1 overnight with anyone till he was 21 months old. With hindsight, I was too overprotective! With DS2, I left him at 5 months old overnight with the in-laws as my best friends was having her 40th birthday do and it was a formal dinner ending late etc. He then did the occasional night at the ILs till he was almost 1 and we left DS1 and DS2 both with my ILs as I surprised DH with a week-long overseas trip for a big birthday of his. The boys were both fine and loved being with their grandparents. They won't remember it at their age. Also, it depends on who you are leaving her with. If it's with someone you trust like your DP, parents or in-laws, then why not? Also, it's not as if you will be unreachable if anything happens. It's your best friend, can you explain to her you will try your best to attend come nearer the time? I expect she will understand if you feel you couldn't do it nearer the time?

Sirzy · 05/01/2011 21:33

I dont think there is such a thing as to soon, only when you feel comfy about doing it.

DS is 14 months and I haven't left him yet, but I would now if there was a reason I had to/wanted to.

SuchProspects · 05/01/2011 21:34

I had a night away at 4 months. The babies (twins) did not appear to notice and were as happy the next day as they normally were (but no happier :o). Assuming they will spend the night with someone they are used to, I think it's more a matter of how you will respond. It won't make much difference to the baby. If you relish the idea, chances are you'll love the trip. If you're horrified at the idea you probably won't.

If you're BFing it may be more difficult. I was expressing (and had to pump every few hours!) so my DCs were very used to drinking from a bottle.

Motherhood is hard work and there's plenty of sacrifice that will be more meaningful to your kids than being there every night when they're too young to really know much difference. So base your decision on how you think you will feel about it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families

seimum · 05/01/2011 21:34

If you are not breastfeeding, I can't see why not, if you are leaving her with DP/grandparents

ShowOfHands · 05/01/2011 21:35

There's only what you're comfortable with.

I have a 3.8yr old and will be leaving her for the first time in a fortnight. That's what's right for us. Others will leave their babies earlier, others later.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 05/01/2011 21:35

Who are you intending leaving them with? I only ask because i was in a similar situation last year with a wedding, but DD was 6 months and we left her with my mum for two nights. It was all good. DD loved it, DM loved it and we had a great time at the wedding. It all depends on your DD and how well she settles with other people etc.

MoonUnitAlpha · 05/01/2011 21:36

At 4.5 months I doubt the baby will mind too much so long as she's left with someone familiar who takes good care of her - better to go now than a couple of months later when separation anxiety has kicked in.

SparklyJules · 05/01/2011 21:38

Firstly ask yourself how you will feel for a night (or two) away.

Then ask youself: Will baby be ok without you there? If the answer is yes because your DP or other can feed, bath and put to bed then I'd say go and enjoy the break and let DP or other person enjoy the company of your baby.

If the answer is no because baby is exclusively breastfed, feeds through the night, is the unsettled type that needs to be attached to mum 24/7, or other then the answer is probably to stay at home.

I had my own hen night when DD was 4.5 months - went out for cocktails and a nice meal with friends that went on very late and resulted in a slight hangover. However, DD was sleeping through the night and would accept a bottle from her dad in the morning so I got to have my night out and a lie-in the next day! So everybody was happy!

Wigeon · 05/01/2011 21:39

Are you breast feeding? If you are, your breasts will explode (unless you leave the hen do every few hours to express to relieve the pressure). If you are FF, then the practicalities are easier.

Agree with angel1976's first paragraph!

Personally I wouldn't have left my DD for a whole weekend at 4.5 months. I was exclusively breastfeeding at that point. And she was sleeping dreadfully so I didn't think anyone else could cope (and didn't want to leave DH alone, quite apart from the exploding breasts issue). I think the first time I left her overnight (with my mum) was when she was 18 months and we moved house.

In your situation I would have either (a) not gone or (b) taken DD and participated in as much of the weekend as possible. But I suppose whether it's the kind of hen do where everyone is getting v v drunk, and you wouldn't be (not much fun for anyone), or the sort where it's all just girly fun and you could join in with your baby in tow.

yousankmybattleship · 05/01/2011 21:42

Only you can know. If you feel you can cope with being away from your baby and are leaving her with her Dad/Grandparents or someone else you completely trust then why not? I couldn't have done it so soon, but if I had been able to I might have been a calmer and saner Mummy!

GColdtimer · 05/01/2011 21:42

I left dd1 for 2 nights at the same age in similar circumstances. I wasn't bf-ing though - that would have been harder. I hated leaving her but once I was away it was fine. She stayed 1 night with dh, 1 night with mymum.

Original poster

Queenie333 · 05/01/2011 22:01

Thanks everyone. i am not breast feeding and would be leaving her with dh. He is great with her. I guess i will make the final decision nearer the time but it is reassuring to hear other mums experiences.

OP posts:

pozzled · 05/01/2011 22:06

In those circumstances, I would probably have been happy to leave my DD, although I would have missed her very much! In a lot of ways I think it will be easier for you to do it now rather than in a few months when she gets more clingy.

It really is all down to how you and your DH feel though. If you are both comfortable with the idea, there's no reason why not. Would you be prepared to come home if she really wasn't settling without you?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 05/01/2011 22:20

I first left DD overnight with DH when she was about 6mo as I elected to go to a work conference whilst I was still on maternity leave [saddo emoticon] It was right across the country so DH had to cope as I couldn't get home quickly.

I was BFing but didn't really get organised to express so DD had ready mixed formula cartons (so DH could manage) and I pumped and dumped at the conference. Both were fine although DH found it quite stressful as I'd done all the getting up in the night (& putting DD to bed) as I'd BF her. However, they both coped for one night.

Personally, I would ensure your DH is confident doing bedtimes & night wakings just to make it more enjoyable for him and less stressful.

I had a wonderful time .... TV, uninterrupted bath, great nights sleep!

cakefaced · 05/01/2011 22:23

I guess one should wait for the midwife to cut the cord first?

I'd love to go out in the evenings, but I also love her too dearly to leave her. She is 20 months. I am still breast feeding though and she can't settle without them.

How about a daytrip out for the Hen night? If it goes well then you could decide to stay overnight, or if guilt bites you can always go home.

PenguinArmy · 05/01/2011 22:27

I think it's down to the baby and individual circumstances.

It's not like your leaving her every friday night for 18 hrs so you can go and get pissed and have some hangover in peace like SIL does to my mum.

woolymindy · 05/01/2011 22:32

Personally I think it your baby is too young to be without you overnight.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 05/01/2011 22:36

If you're not breastfeeding and she's going to be with your DH, I don't see a problem.

FunnysInTheGarden · 05/01/2011 22:40

do it, run for the hills. It may be your last chance. If you have another the option to leave both will be nigh on impossible. Your baby will be fine, and you will/should have a ball being free as a bird for a day or two

TickettyBoo · 05/01/2011 22:41

Can't see why you shouldn't go, your dh may actually enjoy being the boss too and it shows you trust him to take the reins :)

I went to a hen night when lo was around 3 months and she was with my mum, I knew she was safe and I felt comfortable with it. Having said that I didn't get drunk or anything and I checked my phone several times (ok, alot!) during the night lol.

FunnysInTheGarden · 05/01/2011 22:42

wooly why? What do you think will happen? The baby will be oblivious and the OP will get to relax for a few hours.

Pantofino · 05/01/2011 22:44

Your dd will be with her dad, and will be fine. The only question is whether YOU are happy with it or not. I certainly did a couple of overnighters before dd was 6 months. A whole weekend might be quite a lot, but mainly because you might MISS her....

PrivetDancer · 05/01/2011 22:46

If she will be with her dad then I really don't see the problem.
Lots of people back at work at four months and therefore away most of the day. Your baby will probably just be asleep most of the time you'd be away overnight, so won't even notice.

Gonad, relax and enjoy it!

Ragwort · 05/01/2011 22:46

There are numerous threads on MN complaining about using the phrase 'babysitting' when fathers are looking after their own children yet on this thread there seems to be a problem with leaving a baby with her own father - I just don't get it; why is it even an issue? Some mothers seem to want total control over their babies - it is your DH's child too don't forget.

JuneBugJr · 05/01/2011 22:55

With first pfb dd I wouldn't leave her until she was about a year old, even though my lovely MIL was dying to have her. Looking back I should have grabbed the chance with both hands, as at your dc's age, they would barely notice! I'd say go and have a good time, your dd will be with her father.

With DC2, I'll be foisting it on people as soon as I get the chance .

But it is down to whatever you feel comfortable with.

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