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What is wrong with son?? Please someone help Im getting so desperate!

33 replies

sleepyhorse · 02/01/2011 13:19

My DS1 is 2.5 years old and I am very worried something is seriously wrong.

About a year ago he used to say a few words and was even able string a couple of sentences together so we were happy and thought he was learning developing just fine. But for the last 7 months or so since DS2 was born he has stopped talking completely apart from a couple of words, one of those words being NEMO but what is strange is that he can't even say the whole word now, only managing to say MO. He seems to understand most things we tell him although he doesn't always respond or react when we call his name.

With regards to his behaviour, he doesn't really play with other children an awful lot when put in a group situation and seems to prefer playing alone a lot of the time. He is pretty affectionate but doesn't always maintain eye contact when you talk to him. He goes to nursery 2 afternoons a week and in his recent review when I asked how he was getting on and interacting with other kids, his teacher said it was more the girls who were playing more together as they tend to be more advanced, so I wasn't too worried.

He does not want anything to do with his baby brother who is now 7 months. From day one he has always blanked him and he behaves like he isn't in the same room as him. I know its normal to be jealous of a new baby in the house especially as he had had me to himself for first 2 years but this just seems pretty extreme, I think i could understand more if he became aggressive towards him as you read about that happening a lot. At least that would make more sense but its like he can't accept he exists.

He has recently started biting and pinching myself and my husband. My husband seems to think its a sign of affection but Im not so convinced.

Up until recently I had been quite relaxed about him and just kept telling myself he is a normal child and that all kids develop at different times. But over the Xmas period, we have spent a lot of time with family including his cousins who all seemed to play well together apart from my son. A couple of people in the family have implied that its clear something is wrong and that he might be autistic. This has been very hard and have found myself crying a lot as its hard for any parent to hear this about their child and I guess its been a wake up call for me that maybe there is something seriously wrong.

Do you think it sounds like he could be autistic? Or could it just be a case that he is so angry that I have had another baby and its affected him so much that this is his way of dealing with it by regressing?? Or could it even be he has a hearing impairment which is affecting his development and forming relationships?

Please help, I just don't know what to do or think anymore. I feel so desperate as I love him so much and like any parent just want the best for him.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
homeboys · 02/01/2011 13:47

This reply has been deleted

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hobbgoblin · 02/01/2011 13:49

Get his HEARING checked.

missmehalia · 02/01/2011 13:54

What homeboy said. Brilliant advice.

Labels don't actually change a great deal about how behaviour is managed. Small children have control over so very little in their lives other than their own behaviour. It doesn't necessarily mean there's something sinister long term.

And be nice to yourself too.

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MegBusset · 02/01/2011 13:57

OK I think there are a few issues here which you are building into one big problem but could do with breaking down and tackling individually.

I wouldn't worry about the social side at the moment - DS1 is 3.10 and still prefers to play alone than with other children, it's just how he is. Nor will he always keep eye contact, I find it useful to get down on his level and gently touch his arm or shoulder if I want him to listen to me.

If he bites or pinches then simply say "No, we don't do that" and walk away a little so he can see it won't get any attention.

Re: sibling rivalry, have you tried giving him special 'big brother' jobs, like helping change the baby's nappy or get food for him. Also get special treats like new books or stickers for when you are feeding the baby. And as someone else said, if they are both crying then always see to DS1 first - DS2 won't remember if you don't put him first for a while but DS1 will.

Re: speech, I think it is worth getting his hearing checked and maybe getting a referral to speech therapist - these can take months to come through so get his name down, with luck you won't need it.

sleepyhorse · 02/01/2011 14:53

Thank you so much for all your advice, have taken it all on board and for now am going to take him for a hearing test next week. Thanks again!

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Rosa · 02/01/2011 14:55

This sounds like a friends ds and it was his hearing - when it was sorted he 'came back to life' Good luck !

sleepyhorse · 02/01/2011 15:25

Meant to say do you think it will help his social skills and confidence by increasing his hours at pre-school as currently only does 4.5 hours a week?

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HalfCaff · 02/01/2011 15:32

What brilliant advice from homeboys, I would have said the same. I have known a couple of children who seemed to have quite 'autistic' behaviours aged 2-3, who have turned out perfectly fine. It is perfectly normal for children of that age to play alone.

Hatescolds · 02/01/2011 19:28

Just to add agree with above and cannot improve on advice but to reassure I thought that about my dd last summer when she was 2.5 yrs as we have a big family with young cousins and she never joined in or played with them but was just slight slower development ( and I think being first child compared with cousins of her age who are all second children) as she plays happily now at 3

SkyBluePearl · 02/01/2011 19:30

www.autism.org.uk/en-gb/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/what-is-autism.aspx

Heres a link about Autism. He might be just going through a developmental stage and enjoying playing alone but maybe not? I think it is possible to see autistic/ASD tendancies at 2.5 though - I know a friends child who is clearly autistic (little eye contact, gets very stuck in loops of behaviour, struggles to understand the feelings of other, struggles in relation to friendship, sometimes aggressive possibly due to language problems). If your family and you have deep concerns really the best thing you can do is ring your health visitor and ask to be refered on to a specialist. They might just put your mind at rest or if he is autistic they can help him get his needs met at school.

MissFit · 02/01/2011 19:54

I don't think increasing his hours at pre-school would help him just yet. His confidence and social skills at this age will come from having a secure bond with his parents / family. It's not until children are 3+ on average that they benefit from pre-school.

nickschick · 02/01/2011 19:58

My little boy was 4 ,he could barely speak,he was obsessive about order and routine and he didnt like any change in routine whatsoever,he was clingy to me and hated being near other children.

Hes 17 v popular,doing his A levels and is off to uni in Sept.

2 is far to young to tell.

dietstartstmoz · 02/01/2011 20:02

I know exactly what you're going through, my DS2 is now 3.4 and has very similar tendancies, but we have been to see our GP and have an appt with a Paediatrician this month, to consider or rule out ASD. All of these behaviours could be normal, but if you have concerns or feel he does not make sufficient progress in the next few months then talk to your health visitor or GP.

pranma · 02/01/2011 20:58

I have a dgs who was dx with ASD [in Canada] when he was 2.The main symptom was the language regression and that is the one alarm bell for me in OP.I think I'd mention it to the hv if I were you.However my other dgs who was very advanced linguistically began to use babbling baby talk for a while when the baby was about 6 months.they are now 4.4 and 22 months and both absolutely normal.Sadly dgs in canada has a confirmed dx of autism-he is 5.3 now].

sleepyhorse · 02/01/2011 22:27

Oh god I feel sick after reading that last message. Also I have just read up about it on website and it says teeth grinding is often a sign too which is what he does. I feel so sick with worry now and can't even talk about it with dh as he refuses to talk about it. I guess I'm just going to have to try and put it out of my mind until I see a doctor. Dietstartstmoz - good luck with your appointment when you see doctor, fingers crossed all ok for both of us xx

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junkcollector · 02/01/2011 22:36

It really rang a bell with me when you said your DS1 ignores his brother completely. My DS1 did exactly the same thing when DS2 was born. He never looked at him or even acknowledged his existence for about a year until DS2 became a bit more interesting. He was 3.6 and also regressed to a degree.

Now he is 7 and they mostly get on really well.

I don't know whether he is autistic but from what you say he does seem to be suffering badly from sibling rivalry.

timetosmile · 02/01/2011 22:40

I agree with 2nd poster....please get his hearing checked -easy non invasive test usually done locally.

Glue ear (build up of gunge in the middle ear) is really common in this age group and can lead to decreased hearing....and this commonly leads to decreased speech and poor/unusual socialisation (and possibly that stuffed-up ear feeling could be associated teeth grinding??) Usually gets better with time or else grommets.

Your GP surgery can give you the number for your local audiometry clinic, often you can self refer or else your GP will be happy to.

2.5 IS young to be making definate diagnoses of autism, everyone develops differently and at different speeds. Do speak to your GP or HV.....parents are asking them this question on a weekly if not daily basis! Also check out autism info on the v good nhs choices (google it) if you want to.

all the best x

junkcollector · 03/01/2011 00:15

Oh yes, I agree. Apart from the ignoring my ds1 also had glue ear (for which he now has grommets).

MissQue · 03/01/2011 00:28

My dd is autistic and she was diagnosed at 2.5yrs, so it's not too early. She was given a hearing test, as the communication difficulties of a child who can't hear properly can mimic some autistic traits.

Have a chat with your health visitor or GP about your concerns, they will refer you if they think it's necessary for further assessments.

In the meantime, try not to worry too much until you have some answers, and even if he did turn out to have autism, take it from someone who knows, it's not the end of the world, I promise. Life has a whole new set of challenges but you learn to appreciate different things, and there are lovely people out there who I'd never have met if it wasn't for my dd Smile

montysorry · 03/01/2011 00:33

Firstly I would say definitely get his hearing checked.

I actually don't think 2.5 is 'far too young to tell'. I think whilst a child may not get an absolute diagnosis at 2.5, a good clinical psychologist will get a good idea one way or the other.

Have you had a look at the CHAT test? Google it and it should come up.

How is his non-verbal communication? Does he have joint attention which he should have by 2.5. By that I mean does he point at, say, dogs in the street, flowers, butterflies etc and look at you to see if you share his interest? Does he bring you things or show you things? Pointing is a big thing and should be firmly in place by about 18mths though most NT children are pointing by around 1yr.

Non-verbal communication is a far bigger indicator of development at this age.

How is his pretend play/imaginative play? Does he genuinely seem to be pretending or does he often just re-enact a scene from a favourite cartoon.

How was he at Christmas? ASD children often (though not always) don't get it and show no interest/excitement around the whole present thing.

BTW, I'm not suggesting for one minute that he's autistic. If you are worried about ASD, push for a referral asap.

Try not to worry and remember, whether he is ASD or not, has hearing problems or not, he is still your beautiful DS.

sleepyhorse · 03/01/2011 13:33

Feeling more positive re my child today. I took the CHAT test for autism and he only scored 21%. Also montysorry, in response to your questions yes he does point at things of interest and bring me things so I guess it's looking unlikely he has it which is a relief. Am taking him for a hearing test tomorrow so will take it from there. Thanks again to everyone for your advice and opinions.

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willowthecat · 03/01/2011 16:23

The CHAT test is meant to assess communication at 18 months - but still good that you feel he is able to do the things described in CHAT. 2.5 is not too young to dx autism or hopefully in your case rule out autism as there are many well known markers for normal development at this age. Does he bring you things for pure shared interest or just if he needs you to do something with it for him? Anyway hope you get some positive answers soon.

sleepyhorse · 03/01/2011 17:01

Willowthecat, I guess a bit of both. For example If he is thirsty he will bring me a cup. But he also runs over with his paintings to show me looking very proud of himself and seeking my praise.

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SantaClausImWorthIt · 03/01/2011 17:04

I have no experience of this, so can't help - but one thing I would say is don't send him off to nursery for more hours, as you risk making him feel rejected. The danger is he will feel he is being sent away.

In fact, I might even consider taking him out of nursery for a while, and making him the focus of your attention as much as you can, with DS2 taking a back seat.

Good luck!

willowthecat · 03/01/2011 17:22

Running over with paintings does not sound like Autism.