Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anyone still stay with DC at bedtime? Want to stop, ideas please?

44 replies

dietqueen · 01/01/2011 23:06

Ds nearly 6 and bedtime is usually - teeth, story and after that I lie next to him till he drops off.

He is "scared" of being upstairs on his own and even has to have one of us take him to toilet etc...

Ive started standing at the bottom of the stairs and chatting to him whilst he goes to toilet.

I have told him that when he is 6 (in a few weeks) he has to go to sleep on his own, Ive said that I will still do stories etc.. but he needs to be a big boy and go to sleep on his own.

Have even promised him a midi bed/dec bedroom if he does this for at least a week.

I am very torn as he seems genuinely scared about being upstairs on his own - he is also an only child

~Any ideas?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

homeboys · 02/01/2011 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

dietqueen · 02/01/2011 14:31

Yes I agree homeboys - I dont want to force this I was hoping he would grow out of it but he's now nearly 6!!

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 02/01/2011 14:33

Does he have a night light? Even just a glow light, so doesn't give off much but is reassuring, would at least make it less dark.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

sleepwhenidie · 02/01/2011 14:43

My DS1 has always been the same, he is now 5.5. DH still sits with him [softy emoticon] but I don't, after all day with DC's I need to get on with little things like dinner and a glass of wine after getting 3 kids to bed !

What I do with DS1 is promise to check on him after 1 minute, then 2, then 3 etc - AS LONG as he is quiet in between checks. I also leave the hall light on and door open while he lies there. I just go back in, give him a kiss and leave again. This seems to keep him happy and he is usually asleep after a few minutes so only one/two checks required. It may take longer at first, when you must go in regularly so that he trusts that you will be back soon but it works very well for us.

Original poster

dietqueen · 02/01/2011 15:04

Thanks - yes we have all light on all night and his door is ajar - I pull it right to when I go to bed but leave landing light on.

the checking thing may work but I can imagine him taking forever to begin with.

OP posts:

Original poster

dietqueen · 02/01/2011 23:02

bump

OP posts:

QODrestyemerrykidneystones · 02/01/2011 23:04

I am too embarassed to answer this....

GrimmaTheNome · 02/01/2011 23:07

If the issue is that he is scared of being alone upstairs, is there something you can do in another room after stories and lights out - have a bath maybe?

GrimmaTheNome · 02/01/2011 23:09

Why QOD?

For the record, I still sometimes stay with my DD after reading and singing a song, sometimes even falling asleep - not because she needs me there but just because we both like it ... she's 11.

Original poster

dietqueen · 02/01/2011 23:10

yes suppose I could try pottering around upstairs but I think he would take ages to nod off if he knew I was upstairs.

QOD - what do you do?

OP posts:

hellymelly · 02/01/2011 23:13

I still stay with my dds who are 3 and six (only just six).Sometimes DD1 will agree to go to sleep without me if she is drowsy and I'v been with her for a bit and want to go get some supper,but most nights I lie with them until they drop off.

Original poster

dietqueen · 02/01/2011 23:14

helly - how long does this take?

OP posts:

LeninGrad · 02/01/2011 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

dietqueen · 02/01/2011 23:23

Lenin - when I think about it like that I do feel is it really so much of a problem? No not really but sometimes he can tak 30/40mins to nod off!

OP posts:

LeninGrad · 02/01/2011 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howtoapproach · 02/01/2011 23:30

We have one DD (age 5) and she is the same. She has started going to the toilet sometimes on her own with reward chart - but is mostly reluctant. She too is scared of going upstairs on her own.

Have got the settling down bit at bedtime speeded up - by firstly not putting to bed too early - wait til she's really tired. Then I read one short story. I then pretend to be asleep next to her and ignore all attempts to wake me up and chat. She seems to go off in about 15 mins then.

But it does restrict us in that I don't feel able to ask people to babysit so we rarely go out together as a couple at night.

Will be interested to hear if anyone has a solution.

4andnotout · 02/01/2011 23:31

We are currently trying to wean dd's 2,3&4 from needing one of us to sit with them and to sleep a whole night in their own rooms. They are 5,3&2 and I just want my bed back and to have an evening with dp rather than him sitting upstairs reading his book whilst they drift off.

QODrestyemerrykidneystones · 03/01/2011 10:18

Ummmm......... you may all want to put your judgy pants on.....

She's 12 ffs. We lived in a bungalow for 6 yrs with her room changing 3 times but culminating in being across the hall from the lounge - she would lay in bed gazing at us - knowing we were there......
Moved to our house when she was 6ish and she wouldn't go upstairs alone - which was fine as infact she also couldn't go up or down stairs without falling ....... strange child....
So I would go upstairs, do the bed thing, have a bath up there, potter round, watch eastenders etc....... do a bit of ironing ...... and still it goes on. STILL. She's 12........ I do now have sky multi room up there and infact DH and I now don't row or bicker constantly about what's on tv - mainly because we infact don't communicate ....... but that's another story.
Every now and then I throw a paddy - but now she's older and goin upstairs about 9 or 9.30 ish it actually suits me . SOmetimes I go up before her...... and I have a laptop......... and a bottle of squash or coke or whatever stashed.........

GrimmaTheNome · 03/01/2011 10:19

howto - you might want to give a babysitter a go. It turned out with our DD that she actually went to sleep really quickly when left with a somewhat boring babysitter.

GrimmaTheNome · 03/01/2011 10:21

Nah, QOD, my 'sometimes' is actually 'more often than not'.

Marjoriew · 03/01/2011 10:26

Actually, my grandson is 11 and I go upstairs with him and read to him and sit with him [past issues]. He doesn't like going up on his own.
I know he will grow out of it eventually, but I think it's each to his own.
I didn't do it with my own kids because they shared bedrooms.

QODrestyemerrykidneystones · 03/01/2011 10:27

Oh and DD won't do sleepovers, with family, be babysat etc etc......... luckily DH is actually a hermit - seriously. He hasn;t been out in 2 yrs ......... (out out in the evening I mean - and that was for 1 night for an Xmas do - we either go all together or he stays home and I go out (quite a lot...))

GrimmaTheNome · 03/01/2011 10:41

I think this issue is only a problem if any of the following pertain:

You resent the time you're having to spend doing this
you're using it as an escape and its negatively affecting relationship with partner
the child (beyond a reasonable age) really is dependent on you being there

I'm not too worried because at the mo all our family is happy and my DD will do sleepovers and school residential trips or have a babysitter so I know its a matter of preference rather than a dependency.

LeninGrad · 03/01/2011 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

dietqueen · 03/01/2011 16:08

How to approach - this is my routine to a tee! Before Christmas we were having battles as he was constantly chat, chat chat and I seemed to be upstairs for over an hour.
Then coming down and preparing dinner for me and hubby - we live in a very small house also so hubby cant prep dinner as the kitchen is under DS's bedroom and would make too much noise!

I must admit though the last 2 weeks DS has gone off really quick due to flu/dose up with medicine etc...

He's alot better now but still he is going to sleep within 15 mins, he seems very tired of late.

Back to School this week so lets see what happens....he does tend to chat about school endlessly at bedtime

I have family to babysit and my friend occasionally and they do the same but both have said after stories he turns over and goes straight off.

If it gets to the point where we are back to me being upstairs for over an hour Im going to try and break the habit - I couldnt face it till he was 12!!!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread