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Parenting

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Original poster

Anyone still stay with DC at bedtime? Want to stop, ideas please?

44 replies

dietqueen · 01/01/2011 23:06

Ds nearly 6 and bedtime is usually - teeth, story and after that I lie next to him till he drops off.

He is "scared" of being upstairs on his own and even has to have one of us take him to toilet etc...

Ive started standing at the bottom of the stairs and chatting to him whilst he goes to toilet.

I have told him that when he is 6 (in a few weeks) he has to go to sleep on his own, Ive said that I will still do stories etc.. but he needs to be a big boy and go to sleep on his own.

Have even promised him a midi bed/dec bedroom if he does this for at least a week.

I am very torn as he seems genuinely scared about being upstairs on his own - he is also an only child

~Any ideas?

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SparklyMartini · 03/01/2011 16:21

Marking place to show this to DP -- he has the job of sitting with ds (3) each night, while I settle the baby. Can really eat into our evening and mean we eat quite late, or just that we are both too tired and dazed by the time both kids are settled to have any pleasure in each other's company.

ceebeegeebies · 03/01/2011 16:22

Me - so glad to read this thread and realise I am not alone!

DS1 is 4.6 and I lie with him till he goes to sleep listening to a Thomas audio CD - tbh, he is almost always asleep within 5 minutes so it is not a big deal. The other alternative was him messing about at bedtimes constantly for upto an hour whilst I try and cook tea for me and DH, me and DH getting stressed with him and each other, lots of shouting etc and disturbing DS2. Have been doing it for about a year now and I don't really mind.

I do feel guilty because I have never done it with DS2 but he has never needed it - he would actually push me away if I tried it and is more than happy to be just left to go to sleep. Also, I know DS1 doesn't actually need it as when I am out or at the gym and DH puts him to bed, DH just puts him to bed and leaves the room so I know he is putting it on for me but just can't be bothered to sort it out when it is 10 mins maximum (plus I selfishly like just lying there doing nothing for 10 minutes lazy sod that I am )

My only issue is that we have to listen to the same Thomas CD from the beginning (the deal is that I lie there for the first 2 stories and 9 times out of 10 he will be fast asleep by the end of these) so I have heard the first 2 stories about 300 times already

hellymelly · 03/01/2011 17:26

Sorry took me a while to reply-I'm not quite sure how long,around 45 minutes maybe?Half an hour or less if they are both tired and go to sleep quickly. I'm still breastfeeding my toddler at so I feed her while dd1 cuddles down and chats away,and then I cuddle inbetween them and the idea is that they are then quiet and go to sleep but dd1 tends to get chatty at sleeptime and it can be a bit of a battle to get her to be quiet enough for dd2 to drop off.When they are both asleep I wriggle out and come downstairs.

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howtoapproach · 03/01/2011 20:19

It's really nice to know it's not just us.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 03/01/2011 20:24

The audio book fixed this for us with DD1 (4 yrs). We do the teeth, toilet, story routine then I put her cd story on, leave the landing light on and tell her I'm going to fix dinner and will be back up in a minute. Works a treat. I spent 2 years sitting with her.

Original poster

dietqueen · 05/01/2011 21:28

last 2 nights has gone off within 15 mins so looks like we'll keep things as they are!

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howtoapproach · 05/01/2011 21:37

Dietqueen, yes, I guess it's just our lot. I think it's harder if they haven't got a sibling up there to keep them company.

I'm just listening to my dh snoring up there, as he's fallen asleep in the putting to bed process.

ceebeegeebies · 05/01/2011 21:39

ooh yes I have forgotten about the times that DH has come up to see where the hell I had got to....in fact I quite like the nights I fall asleep there

Original poster

dietqueen · 05/01/2011 21:41

I also dropped off tonight!!! I just hate it when he takes over an hour and I end up having toast for tea as too late to cook or appetite has gone!

OP posts:

howtoapproach · 05/01/2011 21:48

I know. I babysat for a friend recently. She plonked her 1 yr old in her cot, turned out the light and she murmured a bit and went to sleep. She went out for the night. About 5 minutes later, her 5 year old said to me "I think I'll go to bed now, Good night Howto". then went upstairs, got into bed and went to sleep - ALL BY HERSELF!.

It does make me envious.

I was hoping someone would come up with a solution.

But I guess in the meantime, wear them out, put them to bed at their tired time and keep it short is our survival strategy.

headfairy · 05/01/2011 21:49

count yourself lucky you just need to sit there, ds always always wants me to sing him to sleep I've even considered recording my singing on to cd but I can't bear the thought of hearing my own voice :o

Just about everything I do every day is to exhaust him and I know I've done a good job when he's asleep after only three renditions of rock a bye baby, twinkle twinkle and away in a manger :o

Still, it's usually only about 10 mins and I'll do anything for a quick and easy bedtime without too many tears. It's usually made a lot quicker if ds will allow dh to read his bedtime story so I can get dd down beforehand, then go and do my singing duties before going downstairs to sort out dinner.

I'm not sure I'll cope doing that until he's 12 though!

ovumahead · 05/01/2011 21:50

No words of wisdom from me, I'm afraid, but just wanted to say we're in the same boat, and it's been so reassuring to know we're not alone! DH still in with DS now - it's nearly 10pm. Quite unusual to be going this late.

My main problem is that I often end up falling asleep with him, and can't quite get myself back into gear again if/when I manage to get up again! It's a nightmare, as evenings are the only real time I actually have to do things - like work, study, have a relationship with DH, etc etc.. so life feels a bit like eat, sleep, work at the moment! Yawn!

I do really love the closeness of lying down together at the end of a busy day though, so am not in a hurry to change things too soon, but I'm desperate to have my evenings back! Especially as I have a friend whose son goes to sleep easily at 6.30pm every night, and sleeps for 13 hours straight

howtoapproach · 05/01/2011 21:54

What a scary thought! I did read recently that the actress Emma Thompson "lies with" her daughter (who I think is about 12) until she's asleep so it's not just us.

Maybe we need a bungalow.

Original poster

dietqueen · 05/01/2011 21:56

Yes is good to know its just NOT me - I will show this to my DH who Im sure thinks we are the only ones

Ovumahead - How old is your DS

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toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 05/01/2011 22:05

praise the lord i am not alone!!

ds is 4 and a half and still seems to need one of us to stay with him till he drops off. and yes i have spent many an evening snoozing beside him, only to wake up at 11pm or 1am, stagger down to dh/stagger to my bed and then find i am unable to get back to sleep again!

we have nightlights (one in room, one in hall) which has helped with reassuring him he can find way to toilet/our room, but not with the actual falling asleep.

But we have a lovely closeness with ds which i cherish, and i'm sure when he doesn't need us any more, a little bit of me will cry inside and miss those sleepy cuddles...

floozietoozie · 05/01/2011 22:22

Headfairy - you arenot alone on tge singing front. Ds is four on saturday and since he started having nightmares or so he said in the summr I've had to stay with him too. V annoying as I used to be able to say goodnight and leave him with music/story on. I have to sing to him now - thought that phase ended when he was two! Am going to try a reward chart after his birthday and see if that works.

floozietoozie · 05/01/2011 22:39

I knew I wasn't alone cos mysis does it with her two (8 and SN 6) but still reassurng to see so many others in rhe same boat. Ds is quite a sensitive little soul and until three months ago was an only. Dd is still in with me but I'm hoping if the chart doesn't work that he may get better when dd starts sharing his room in a few (?) months' time

OmicronPersei8 · 05/01/2011 22:40

We've had this with DD, although it's got a lot better in the last year or so (she still asks for a 'five-minute hug' at bedtime while I climb into bed with her and we count down each minute).

I desperation we started playing 'the game'. The first night I explained we were going to play a game. I left the room for a second (literally), popped straight back in. If she was lying down and quiet she won, if sitting up or talking/crying I won. We played it over and over again, each time I took one more step away. We live in a flat with a very long hallway and I know how many steps it takes to get from one to the other from playing the game!

Anyway, I did this every night until she fell asleep. Gradually I'd go further (with loud footsteps at first, so she could hear where I was). After a week or two I could leave 2-3 minutes between going back - I remember because we were on holiday with my MIL and I was terrified of her making comments etc but we'd got far enough by the time the holiday started for it not to seem to bad. After a month or two it was 10 - 15 minutes between going back, with her asleep within 30-45 minutes.

DD was about 3 years old when we started. She is now 4.5 years old and has good days and bad days. We do bath, teeth, story, lights off (but night light on) followed by 5 minute hug then goodnight and I'm out of her room. She is usually asleep by 8 but not always - today she was excited by being back at school and it was nearer 9.30.

DS is a different story - he's at that awful point midway to dropping his last nap, he had a nap today so is still awake now...

OmicronPersei8 · 05/01/2011 22:42

DD has the same 4 songs she's had since she was a baby - she tells me they make her feel sleepy.

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