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Original poster

Daughter wearing trousers to a wedding

72 replies

Julia3000 · 22/12/2010 19:18

My 8 year old daughter wants to wear trousers to my sisters wedding. She turned down being a bridesmaid as she didn't want to wear a bridesmaid's dress and my sister was adamanent that the bridesmaids would match. She does wear skirts sometimes but they tend not to be "girly", like short denim skirts for example. I really think she should wear a skirt or dress- it doesn't have to be that feminine. What do you think?

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orangepoo · 23/12/2010 13:01

Well...I sort of think differently.

If your 8yo DD is a wedding guest, she can wear trousers/skirt/whatever - all fine - silly of anyone to comment. Don't know why anyone would care.

HOWEVER - think the most important point has been missed. Which is that she was invited to be a bridesmaid and DECLINED because of the CLOTHES the bride wanted her to wear? I think this is outrageous - it is an honour to be someone's bridesmaid, she should have felt special to have been asked and she should have done it regardless of what clothing was to be worn. I would personally have told her that rather than allowing her to decline a special role over the clothes. I would not be surprised if the bride is offended.

Tootlesmummy · 23/12/2010 14:44

orangepoo what an odd thing to say. Why should she feel like this, isn't she allowed to have an opinion of her own?

I think by saying to her she can be a bridesmaid but has to wear x or not being one then you've given her the options and she can choose whether or not she wants to do it.

If the bride is happy for her to wear a kilt then where is the harm?

I feel it would be wrong to force a child to wear something that they clearly feel that strongly about. I wouldn't make my child do that and am slightly that you think that is acceptable.

orangepoo · 23/12/2010 15:14

Tootles - the child in question is not the centre of the universe - I honestly think that it is nice to do something that perhaps you are not massively pleased about to make someone else happy. In this case, it would be the DD wearing the bridesmaid's dress.

By your logic re forcing a child to wear something they don't want to - what about school uniform? What about uniform to work in particular jobs? I know for a fact that my own DD will not want to wear the pinafore dress when she starts school (she lives in leggings) - but I am going to tell her that it's the uniform and you have to abide by school rules. I don't think I am forcing children to do abhorent things - I think I am educating them re rules and customs - it is very common for bridesmaids to wear matching dresses that the bride pick and I don't think the child should have been allowed to overrule this by opting out. I personally think the child has missed out on a fun experience due to the fact that she has been allowed to be picky about the dress.

Honestly, if I was a bridesmaid for a friend and they wanted me to wear a dress I didn't much like, I'd wear the dress to make them happy. I think this is a good attitude to have and I really don't understand why you don't agree.

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Tootlesmummy · 23/12/2010 15:20

The child in question isn't the centre of the universe but I believe that they should be able to be involved in some element of decision making she's 8 not 8 months old.

That doesn't mean she gets to opt in and out of whatever she wants but to be honest being a bridesmaid is not the be all and end all of life. When I got married I didn't have any bridesmaids but if I was in the same position I would want everyone to be happy and enjoy themselves and not have someone there clearly uncomfortable and possibly miserable with what they were wearing that's why I disagree.

Original poster

Julia3000 · 23/12/2010 15:31

To be honest- I was tempted to put my foot down- but I didn't want her to cause any fuss on the day. My sister was adament that the bridesmaids should match- but was also accepted that my daughter really didn't want to wear a bridesmaid's dress. I'd rather she wasn't a bridesmaid under duress.

Luckily it's all worked out fine and my sister is having 2 "pageboys"- my son and daughter- dressed exactly the same in kilts- apart from my daughter has agreed to tie her hair back with ribbon.

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Tootlesmummy · 23/12/2010 15:46

I think that is sensible Julia as they're will probably other opportunities for her to be a bridesmaid in the future and you never know she might be happy to then wear whatever she's asked to.

reup · 23/12/2010 15:55

I wore trousers to my own wedding. Why would anyone care what a little girl wore?

TrillianAstra · 23/12/2010 16:01

I'm sure they'll look very cute dressed the same.

In general, girl/woman in smart trousers is entirely appropriate for a wedding.

Original poster

Julia3000 · 23/12/2010 16:01

Her brother- as she was teasing him about haaving to wear a kilt- she only seemed to want to wear trousers to tease him. (see earlier posts!)

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Original poster

Julia3000 · 23/12/2010 16:03

My sister is delighted about the idea of them dressed the same- also she gets 2 "pageboys" as a bonus!

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TrillianAstra · 23/12/2010 16:04

Are you sure she didn't want to wear trousers because she always wears trousers?

Original poster

Julia3000 · 23/12/2010 16:10

That was part of it , but it was the teasing of her brother about him having to wear a "skirt" that got me, because he was wearing a kilt. She told him that everyone would think he was the girl in the photos, as she was going to wear "boys clothes".
As it happens- she wants now to be dressed the same as him- so she has chosen to wear a skirt afterall!

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TeiTetua · 23/12/2010 16:19

A girl in a kilt? Little transvestite, isn't she. No doubt her brother is teasing her no end.

Original poster

Julia3000 · 23/12/2010 16:23

To be honest- I think I've given up trying to understand them! I'm half expecting him to moan she's now copying him!

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PutOnThePan · 23/12/2010 16:26

They will look fab together - glad it has been sorted and that everybody is happy!

Megletitsnow · 23/12/2010 16:34

I've never worn a skirt or a dress to a wedding.

Don't see why its a problem for children.

MyNameIsWendy · 23/12/2010 16:35

As long as he doesn't no announce he wants to wear the bridesmaid's dress!

I think they're going look fantastic.

Obviously, he'll also have a sporan- so you'll be able to tell who's who from the front as well!

Original poster

Julia3000 · 23/12/2010 16:40

Obviously, he'll also have a sporan
I hadn't even thought about that- I guess he will. It wasn't mentioned when we went to try on a kilt.
I guess it's just taken he would.

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togarama · 23/12/2010 18:34

Glad you reached such a good compromise - it sounds like they'll both look lovely.

When I was around your DD's age my mother forced me to wear a dress to a wedding. At that stage, I hated dresses, dolls, pink things etc.. so we had real rows about it with my dad stuck in the middle begging me to just let it go for one day. At the wedding, I felt humiliated at being stuck in a flowery dress, straw hat with flowers and strappy sandals, esp. since my brothers were allowed to wear relatively "normal" plain trousers, shirts and ties. I wish my mum had been reasonable enough to agree to my compromise offer of wearing a kilt! The mid-eighties were another era....

Original poster

Julia3000 · 23/12/2010 18:52

The kids haven't got on so well for ages. No arguements at all! They are really pleased that they are going to be dressed alike- My daughter keeps telling everyone that they are both going to be dressed as boys wearing skirts!
My son just thinks its funny.
They're both happy, so I'm happy!

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Roo83 · 23/12/2010 20:20

Let her wear what she's comfortable in. I was a real tomboy when I was younger,never wore skirts or pink,lived in a cap and had my hair really short. My mum just let me get on with it and the phase soon passed. I'm a real girlie girl now and love getting dressed up in my best frock,so no ill effects! xx

Roo83 · 23/12/2010 20:21

Sorry...only read the first page and didn't notice there were 3! Sounds like it's all sorted

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