Do you think you are a better Mum than your Mum was?

[JJ17]

My parents always say how much they admire me as a parent(I am a single parent, almost always have been).

I certainly don't think I'm hot shit, have had a lot of trouble with DS1.

But I can see myself having the same problems as they did. What I mean is I look back and see why they were deficient as I am now.

I must say being a parent of a 20 year old and an 11 year old (both DSs) has really, really made me forgive anything rotten they did to us.

As a parent of a teenager you are stretched to your limits and, for me, it made me understand my parents.

as io don't hit my kids with a riding whip, yeah

That'll do it - wondered about the slipper!

No. My mum had her faults, like everyone else, but she really enjoyed me as a child. My overriding memories are of her reading to all the kids on the street on the porch (probably happened once!) and running up and down behind me as I learned to ride a bike. I think she was a great mum, and hopefully I am as good as she was. I see myself parenting similarly to the way I was parented, probably because I had a great childhood. Thanks mum

I don't beat my DD black and blue and throw carving knives at her so yes. Although I have picked up my mum's habit of swearing too much and do swear infront of dd.

I hope I am. Child of toxic parents here.
I have so much guilt though and try too hard with my kids. I need to chill out a bit and enjoy them

I stuff up in different ways to my parents but I think that on the whole I'm better at it than either of them. Both my parents are utterly self-absorbed and thought it acceptable to leave me to pick up their slack and do their parenting for them from a stupidly young age. My father did a fine line in dividing and turning us against one another (which he still tries now) while my mother was happy to inflict on us any mad and cruel idea that my father came up with in his quest for the perfect children.

I'd like to think that I can

1. stand up for my children
2. recognise their existence and personality as separate from mine
3. love them for all their quirks (quirks were distinctly frowned on in our house)
4. let them be who they are rather than who I want them to be (I struggle with this one at times with v v lazy DS)

I am not as good at listening to them as could be, and I do fly off the handle about fairly random and trivial things and I have a few issues about control now that they are mostly teenagers and want everything done their way. My main problem with parenting is that I didn't have strong parenting myself and struggle with parenting boundaries at times -eg where does my responsibility end and theirs begin? Do I not do enough for them- they are very independent because we have encouraged that, whilst my sister prefers not to let her children do anything for themselves.

Probably not, I don't know really, I don't remember a great deal of my early childhood. My Dad left me alone when I was 11 to go to the pub, in that time I managed to break my leg badly . I was actually off school for a whole year.

I think my Mum may have blamed him for this. It was my fault really, I shouldn't have been climbing walls. I didn't actually fair badly though, I went back to school and got 100% on my first maths exam (had been getting 1 to 1 tutoring).

I know I won't be leaving my darlings unsupervised for any length of time. I have learn't that lesson hard. Wether I am a better parent I have no clue. I think my Mum after that was on a major guilt trip, I had cakes every day for months.

My children are all about me atm, poor dp doesn't get a look in. I have no idea why. I do get a bit annoyed after being pawed all day tbh. I actually wish for them to be daddies children as I have no clue why they are so obsessed by me. I was the same, a total Mummies girl, was always a bit wary of my Dad. Sad really.

Only vaguely remember my mum, but she was lovely from what I remember of her...but I'm not a mum So if I was to tailor the question to if I'm a better dad than my own...erm, probably not! But I try...

No - she's brilliant and way ahead of her time in a lot of ways. She has been a great example, so that should stand me in good stead. Now if you were asking about my father that's a different kettle of fish...

DH definitely is - with the hell his mum put him through (all kinds of abuse) it is a wonder he is alive let alone that he is a wonderful husband and father!

Me OTOH... don't know. My parents always tell me that I'm a wonderful mum. Like if I'm playing a game with DD mum will say "I wish I'd done more of this with you!" - I do remember playing on my own a lot.

I think what I'm better at is in terms of knowledge - my parents stumbled into parenthood (they were mid 30s which was considered old then, and basically thought they 'may as well have a baby') and they kind of expected me to just fit in with their life. I won't make that mistake, I read a lot about parenting/child development etc, I guess I'm making a more concerted effort with the whole thing.

So hard to say. My parents didn't seem to have any idea what to do with me beyond the age of about three and didn't really equip any of us for adulthood - never really taught us how negotiate relationships with people outside the family or encouraged us to put any effort into schooling. Due to their lack of confidence in both areas I think. I really want to try hard to do these things for my kids but conscious my parents loved unconditionally and that's the most important thing I can do as well

Not at all. My Mum had/has the patience of a saint and we never argued. Honestly. I'm a lot more of a bossy boots :(

I always thought I would be but now I have kids I realise how amazing she was. Sadly she died when I was pregnant with my first and never got to tell her. Spent a lot of time telling her how crap she was when I was a teenager. Only hope she is watching and know now!

Yes I am a better Mum, by a mile.

my Mum did the best she knew how to do, but she has taught me how NOT to do it

I don't think I am no. My mam was and still is great. She gave up her career for a couple of years to look after my sister and I and we didn't realise how lucky we were or how much we benefitted. That said, the best thing is love which I know she provided and hope my DD feels the same.

I think I am yes.

My mother considered me, her first born, to be the family babysitter, unpaid of course.

I was the go-between when she and Dad rowed and so many times had to lie to him to cover up for her.

For example if he was working late she would cook him a dinner for when he got home and I had to say we'd had ours earlier. Well we had but it was usually bread and jam or a packet of custard creams between 3 of us. We only got hot food when Dad wasn't working late.

I remember my childhood as being constantly hungry and having few friends. She refused to let me out without taking my siblings along wherever I went.

Most of all I remember getting nits as a teenager and she marched me to a hairdresser and ordered them to cut it to an inch all over. It was waist length and I loved my hair

No I am not, I do not think I am a bad mother though. She put us first all the time and I try to do the same with my dcs. She was/is a great example of strength and generosity, she always told us to believe in ourselves and trust our instinct. I am probably a bit less confident than she is because our generation of mums is constantly told by the media that we are doing something wrong (whatever it is we do) she did not have to put up with that.

My mother kept a much tidier house. That said I still claim a messy house is a sign of a well-loved baby. We are different, there are a lot of things she did that I would approach very differently because I know they had a negative impact on me, but I undoubtedly will commit equal but different atrocities on my poor children.

No, my mum was and is a paragon of patience and kindness. I, on the other hand shout and swear too much and find my DD very trying. She is getting so much better now and I really enjoy her.

Yes. Even though I am very far from perfect.

But she's an OK Grandma

My Mum was great. Boundless energy and enthusiasm, she was very involved with everything we did, always on committees etc.

She was shouty sometimes though but in hindsight it was because her marriage to my father was falling apart.

But if I can be half as brilliant as she was, I'll be proud of myself

no.
my mother was a real natural who adored children, any children. i am a stiff, shouty type who can sometimes only just tolerate my own dc.

my father was an abusive alcoholic though, so on balance my dc have a more stable and supportive home environment.

My mum was fantastic, she gave us everything she had and I don't just mean financial, I strive to be as good a mother as she is and it means the world to me when she praises my mothering.

Yes I do think I'm a better mum than my mum was. She tried her best I think but she was in an abusive relationship and now I can empathise how hard that must have been with 3 dcs.

I'm very similar to my mum (enjoy chidren, like playing toys and games with them and being creative, etc) but am strict too.

I think my mum gave me some pointers in how to be a good mum and some in how not to be. {rambling now}