Do you think you are a better Mum than your Mum was?

[JJ17]

My parents always say how much they admire me as a parent(I am a single parent, almost always have been).

I certainly don't think I'm hot shit, have had a lot of trouble with DS1.

But I can see myself having the same problems as they did. What I mean is I look back and see why they were deficient as I am now.

I must say being a parent of a 20 year old and an 11 year old (both DSs) has really, really made me forgive anything rotten they did to us.

As a parent of a teenager you are stretched to your limits and, for me, it made me understand my parents.

My siblings and me always say that my mother should never have had kids because she was a terrible mother.
However, now we all have kids, we have some empathy and insight into what she was about and by God, she did the best she could under very very difficult circumstances.

I am very self critical, so think i am a terrible mother. But actually im ok. Im NOTHING like my mother,

i have definitely learned from her mistakes.

No, I think I'm in constant danger of turning into my mother.

Actually, she was bloody brilliant, often in v. difficult circumstances. There are a few things where we differ such as smacking but I think that's just a generational thing. Hope I do as well as her - my sister and I are very different but I think she did a good job with each of us.

I don't know. I think I will be able to answer this question in yrs time.

Well, my mum was wonderful - patient, kind, creative, funny, principled, well-read, attentive and open-minded.

However, I'm not planning to kill myself at all so by default I am the better mother.

I think I strive to be what my mother wasn't but not what DH's mother is. Our parents are at the complete opposite ends of the scale and both of them drive me crazy.

My parent's got divorced when I was five and I don't remember anything before then, so can't remember both parents together, and my mum let our dad have main custody so we only saw her once a week. I don't really have any warm friendly memories of being with my mum or any feeling that she was particularly interested

DH mum wants to know everything. She is always ringing, always popping round. She has pretty much adopted me as her daughter. However, DH never really learnt to be independant and I mean that in the nicest way.

I don't want to be like either of them but worry that I will end up on the colder end of the scale just because that's what I know...

No.

My mum was a real home maker as a mum and still is as a grandmother. She is a wonderful, warm, caring person. Like her, I put other people before myself, but I don't have the patience or focus to be as good with my children as she was. She just seems better at playing with them whereas I seem to parent but not really enjoy them.

Its funny because I see her as such a wonderful mum and such a positive influence, but I had some counselling recently and realised that actually part of the pressure on me comes from feeling like I fail to live up to her at home (although I still think I am a good mum and have also managed a successful career outside of the home, so our circumstances are different). Just goes to show that even a selfless, caring mother can have consequences for children. Makes me wonder how you can possibly succeed as a mum, perhaps its just by being more of a positive influence than a negative one on balance.

Not at all, my mum was and is brill. She has much more patience than me, but it only with the benefit of hindsight and children that I appreciate what a fab mum and dad I had.

And she is the worlds best granny She is 82 and loves nothing more than taking DS1 on a long coast walk to look at the birds, so much so that 3 hours later DH and I are looking at our watches fearing that they have both fallen into the sea!

I love my children & wanted them, so yes. I am better than my mother.

My dad I would say we are even, as although he left when I was 6 & I barely saw him (thanks to mum) I knew he was there for me if I needed him. And the one time I did, he was there.