There is ONE muslim boy in my sons preschool.

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In my sons preschool class, there are only 4 5 year old boys, and this boy is one of them. His family is from Morocco, and they have lived in Norway for over 20 years. They speak fluent Norwegian. My son is friendly with this boy, and wants to do playdates with him.

I am on speaking terms with his mum, she is really nice and friendly.

He has turned down every birthday party invitation. And I did invite him to my sons halloween party, as I did not want him to feel excluded, though I had a suspicion that he would not come. His mum was good about that, explained that as a muslim family they did not really celebrate halloween, but said she was pleased her son was asked.

I dont want to offend, or be pushy.
The boy is currently unwell, but I had my sons other two friends home with me.

The preschool teacher pulled me up on this, saying I had to bear in mind there are 4 boys in his group, so should not really leave one out on a group playdate, so could I either please just ask ONE other boy at the time, or all, as it was sad for the child left out. It was all hypothetical, as the boy wasnt there.

So.....

Is there anything in particular I should bear in mind?
I was hoping to make an invite for next week. I reckon I will make a chicken and rice dish (rather than bangers and mash or lasagna). But what else?

Everything was so much more "integrated" in London.

I do manage to chat withour lubrication pussin and I doubt folk will be drinking at kids birthday party .

littleducks yes there is a small chance that the boy is not allowed to party's because he is tierd or it doesn't suit but as lots of Muslim ladies on here have confirmed, some Muslims will indeed avoid other cultures celebrations.

I spoke to one Muslim woman in my GP surgery waiting room.

She had a 2 yr old with her so I tried to make conversation as I had my kids and it was hard going at first.
Once she got going she was quite a chatterbox .
In our long conversation together she said she found it hard in the house all day with 3 little girls and I suggested she tried the local groups and she actually told me "im not allowed to intergrate at all, my husband is very religious". She gave me some insight into just how strict these rules and ways are.

Now, obviously like all walks of life and religions, everyone will be different and not all Muslims will have the same ways BUT my answer to the question was that she sounded like a very strict Muslim therefore probably won't be interested in intergrating.

I should add though, it's always nice to be asked which is the main thing.

DS2s friend is a Muslim and he comes to partys, sends DS2 a Christmas card and loves pizza.

Hope you have fun

sneakapeak the not going to toddler groups is cultural rather than religious, it sounds like a control thing on the part of the husband. My Dh would have similar tendancies if he could get away with it.

I think it's important to invite people to things, especially the ones who always refuse because they might end up being the ones who need friends and social contact the most. I don't mean in a pushy way, just a friendly way.

This thread started off being about inviting a little boy for a playdate!

"cultural rather than religious"

Ha! That old chestnut. Where does this culture come from and why don't they change it to something more 21st century? Oh, I forgot, they don't do innovation ...

You are confusing two separate things purit - its not really a difficult concept.

Take off the islamophobic blinkers for a second.

Culture comes from where a person or their family grew up which may or maynot overlap with the religion they practice.

As English muslims my family's culture is a million miles away from an arab, pakistani, morrocon family's. Only our religious practices are the same.

Purits, cultures change all the time.

An example: My MIL (north African Muslim) left school at the age of 12, married a few years later and has been a wife and mother ever since. In contrast, her daughters (also north African Muslims) got married in their mid to late twenties, have all had further education and now work, although their career is seen as less important than their role as a wife and mother. Their and my own DDs are preschoolers but I imagine that their life path will be very different to their grandmother's.

no purits not like that, i was just trying to explain why some people do not celebrate birthdays, but obviously it is not an easy one to get across as people keep misunderstanding this

noone would say we are not allowed to have any parties or celebrate good events or anything like that. of course its not unislamic to have fun

There are several muslim children in ds1's class. All do parties and are vegetarian when eating away from home to avoid issues with meat not being halal. So it really does vary.

Incidentally, I used to be quite friendly with a Pakistani muslim woman and she said it wasn't so much that she didn't want to socialise with us outside work but that it was really hard to find the time because there were always lots of extended family type gatherings going on and it was not done^ to skip these to go out with your mates. No idea if that's typical but she def wasn't stand-offish, just busy.

hello scouser my ds (his dad north african) is muslim and he gets invited to birthday parties alot, he goes but i just makes sure he doesnt anything thats not halal, hes not required to pray and daddy does the washing when he goes to the toilet thing, not me!! i have never heard of not celebrating birthdays

MrsDrOwenHunt, I think that my Dh might just be miserable I try not to generalise about north African people just by looking at him! I think my inlaws & extended family do celebrate birthdays, but they just have birthday cakes & new clothes for the children. I don't think they go mad buying toys or have parties but that might just be because they aren't very well off. Weddings and engagements seem to be the main excuse for a party!

i have not had one present off exh family since ds was born, they have never helped me out and when ex was at his parents in the summer lasy year they sent a box of soldiers back for him (poundland ones are better!)i also fell out with his mother because i phoned ex to let him know ds was back from hospital and better after swallowing a penny!! she told me i should leave her ds alone as he was relaxing and resting on holiday and i should be keeping a better eye on ds, i told her her son was a lazy twat and its was her fault that i had left him (all in a different lang) i also cussed ex out and told him his mother could go fuck herself if she ever thought i was going there again!!!!!

I don't know any Muslims who don't accept birthday invites or do birthday parties because of religious reasons. I am Muslim myself and we had birthday celebrations at home when we were younger. My mum would just cook a special dinner and we would have cake.

This thing about innovation is ridiculous. Why use modern technology then?
Some people really need to think for themselves.

There is a push in some areas of Islam where they want Muslims to totally separate themselves from mainstream society, especially the women. I guess not allowing children to attend or have birthday parties is a good place to start.