Ok, this is going to be long .....
Husband and I had a weekend away (both for us, and because MIL had been going on and on about spending time with our son). Son was 15 months old, and had not as yet been left overnight with anyone other than us. We decided that it was best for our son if he was looked after in our home, and asked our MIL if she would come and stay. She said yes.
One week before we went away, she announced that she wasn't coming to stay, but she would look after our son in her house. Well, ok, we thought, it's not ideal, nor what we wanted, but our son would be ok and it would probably been more convenient for my MIL.
MIL then announced that she would also been looking after another grandson, who is 4.5 years old, as his mother (husband' sister) is single mother and wanted to go to out for the night. Now, I started to get uncomfortable because a) this is first time son was left overnight and he was not going to be in familiar surroundings; b) the idea was for MIL to spend one-on-one time with son; c) other grandson is very very active and physically violent with other children and I was/am not comfortable with them playing together unsupervised (MIL and SIL disagree with me and do not listen to other people regarding violent tendancies, and just so you know it is not me, the nursury,other family and other mothers have said same thing to them with they have ignored).
Ok, so, MIL and SIL look at husband and me in face across our kitchen table and both say independantly "i can't see why you are worried. SIL will be there at all times, she's not arriving with son until just before tea, and will put son in bed before going out for dinner. SIL will be there at all times when they are awake, so you should be happy because there will be an extra pair of hands".
Okay, husband and I talk and decided that it should be ok. It's not what we would prefer but son will be safe and cared for and loved.
So, one month later, a mutual acquaintance who was also out that night with SIL tells me that she actually dropped her son at MIL house at 11 am, and was out all day and night, so, in fact, MIL had both children alone at all times over the weekend. Indeed, SIL told mutual acquaintance before hand, whilst winking, yes, I'm going out but don't tell brother and SIL.
So, now am extremely angry
I am not angry about whether or not son was safe etc - I am angry and disappointed that they lied to me in order to manipulate me into a position that was convenient to them.
Clearly, beforehand they got together and KNEW that I would not be happy with the siutation, so schemed to lied to me so that they go what they wanted out of it.
Now, I may or may not be an overprotective mother, I may or may not be "precious", I may be a lot of things, but when it comes to the care of my 15 month old son, my husband and I have the right to decide who, when, where and how. They do NOT have the right to decide that for me. They can disagree with me, say I have no idea, whatever - but in the end, I expect my views, whether they agree or not, to be respected.
My proposed course of action is to say:
- MIL said she wanted us to be "good friends" but good friends don't lie to manipulate the other person
- I am extremely disappointed
- Whatever she (MIL and SIL) think of our parenting style, she/they does not get to override what we want
- I don't always agree with her parenting style, but I respect her right to know what is best for her son, and I expect them same in return
- What she (MIL and SIL) have done is effectively extinguish any trust I have in them at all, and whilst I will not prevent them having a relationship with her grandson/nephew, I am not going to be able to trust them for quite some time and that will have an effect of the relationship as a whole
- What I would have expected is that they said to us what the actual situation was, and given us the courtesy of making up our own minds as to the best course of action (and quite frankly, had SIL come to me and said "gee, I really need a day out and I know that you were looking forward to mum spending one-on-one time with your son, could you possibly reconsider" then we could have had an adult conversation about it. Similarly, had MIL said "i really would enjoy looking after both grandsons by myself and i would promise you i will take extra care that the older one not push the younger one around", then again, we could have had an adult conversation"
They have lied to me. I feel so let down, manipulated, and to be honest, disrespected.
So, what does MNET think?