I'm popping over here from feeding, I was going to post about this anyway, but it seems a lot of us on the sleep regression thread seem to have this issue and could do with a thread for it.
I follow an attachment parenting model, well that is to say, I do what feels right for me and DS (with total support from DH) and then I read a book on AP and went "oh, there's a name for that is there" and got tips on making it work even better for me as well as feeling much more valid in my choices). I breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear, everything but the lentils - I do it because it works for us, it makes my life easier.
My mother however, does not "get" this at all. She believes in bottles and prams, crying it out and sleeping through in a separate room (DS was sleeping through until he hit his 4 month growth spurt, but in my room). When DS was a week old she was trying to persuade me to "give myself a break" by giving him a couple of bottles a day, I pointed out that washing up bottles when I could be sat in bed with my baby didn't seem like a break to me. At 8 weeks (in October) she suggested I put him in the pram in the garden, so that his crying wouldn't interrupt me while I got on with painting the hall. I know this is what she did with me, so I have to be really careful about not accidentally telling her I think she was a rubbish mum, but what it boils down to is that this is my baby, I will raise him my way, just as any other mother, including her, is entitled to raise their babies in their own way.
I got married when DS was 10 weeks. My mother kicked off about him being in my bed with me (she suggested putting him on a folding bed on the floor rather than in a double with me), on the day she got really shirty about me leaving the table during the meal to feed him (he was refusing a bottle of EBM from me and I was bursting, I couldn't feed without taking my dress off or I would have fed him there and she would have been mortified - she's always suggesting I go up to a bedroom to feed him rather than stay chatting to everyone else). What really annoyed me though was overhearing her talking to my brother's new partner, who we had all only just met and telling her "he's spoiled, because she never leaves him on his own". This was false on both counts, I do leave him (and keep a monitor on) to nap in his cot when he is having a proper deep sleep, or to play there if he is really happy and involved with his toys, but I won't leave him when he is hungry, upset or sleeping lightly on my lap. This comment actually really upset me, it's bad enough that she criticises my parenting to me, but to near strangers when she thinks I can't hear.
Anyhow, the point is, that Christmas is coming, which means spending time with the family.
I am finding it really hard to mother DS in the way I want to around my mother. For instance I normally feed him as soon as he starts showing early feeding cues. I would rather get food into him when he is getting peckish, than wait for him to be starving, screaming and have to calm him down to latch on. My mother will see him fussing a bit, and take him off me to walk around, bounce etc, and put off his feed, or if she has him already, not bring him back to me. She repeatedly criticises the frequency of his feeding, and is perpetually asking me when I am going to give him a bottle (he has gone from 50th to 91st centile, he no way needs a bottle). I don't feel like I have the freedom to feed him, to rock him to sleep, to carry him with me, in her house, so visits are getting really tense. Add to this the fact that he is teething, and going through a growth spurt/sleep regression, which means my mum will be more convinced that I'm doing it wrong and more pushy with her "helpful advice".
I am seriously considering Christmas being a flying 2 hour visit (they live 4 hours drive away) rather than an overnight, or staying in a B&B.
So anyone else in this situation, any ideas on dealing with pestering parents or in-laws who think they know best?