Really scared I'll always feel this way..

[natsyloo]

...I have posted a couple of times re: PND so apologies for the broken record but with a 4 month old DS I'm really concerned about not really feeling noticeably better, having started takin ADs at 8wks and doing everything possible to alleviate symptoms.

My DS is a pretty challenging baby who cries relentlessly (and scarily loudly!) which I find particularly stressful and sometimes embarrassing at social events where other babies are seemingly calm.

I'm still able to 'function' as if I am a happy go lucky mum, going out lots, meeting other mums, doing exercise etc but my underlying feeling is just one of being a bit of a fraud as I'm not enjoying this and am really sad to say it feels like I've made a major mistake.

The most painful element of it all is the remote feeling from my DS - I've always been a real baby mad gal, cooing at babies on the bus etc but I just feel so detached from my own DS as if he belongs to someone else. When I do check myself and realise he's mine I get this really scary wave of fear that I'm trapped and there's nothing I can do.

Really sorry for the rant and self indulgence but I could really use some reassurance that these distressing thoughts and feelings will pass. I've really fought for CBT but am told the waiting list is at least 16 weeks - when I'll be back at work!

Rationally I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel but right now it's quite hard to believe.

I'd really welcome reassurance/advice from other mums who have been/ are going through this too.

hi everyone,

well my ds is now 6 months and things are picking up. his character is really taking shape, sleep is improving (hurrah for waking up in semi daylight and going into the nursery to be greeted by a cooing baba).

i wanted to post to say a big thanks for all the lovely messages and support i've had from mn over the past few months - it really has helped.

i'm in the middle of my CBT programme and have been lucky enough to have an excellent therapist who has really helped me to rectify unhelpful thought patterns and not expect so much from myself. no mean feat but we're getting there.

i also want to offer comfort and reassurance to other mums with pnd out there. i truly believed i'd fallen into a deep black chasm with no way out. i clung on to the often elusive yet precious hope of sunnier days in times of real emotional difficulty.

the pnd self-help grp i initiated is now up and running. we had our first focus group a couple of wks ago and one mum turned to me at the end and said she'd said some things that morning that she felt she had been unable to say to anyone else. it made my heart swell :)