Attachment parenting - if you don't do it...?

[hunkermunker]

Why do people describe themselves as practising attachment parenting? Are people who don't follow all of the basic premises of it detached parents? Or can you pick and choose?

WCL, offer them a go - they'll stop saying it Maybe.

I hate the M & S adverts!

The state of my nipples, they would deffo be keeping a wide berth. DD chipped her tooth slipping in the bath and I have the presure sores to proove it!

Tbh, I don't sleep well with a baby in the room, emkana. I didn't with DD and I really, really need quality sleep once I go back to work b/c although my DH has a part-time job, I bring in the chief income. Also my degree course is important so I can provide my kids with the best opportunities I can give them.

We have a dinky double bed and can't afford anything bigger, so co-sleeping really isn't feasible for us.

Agh, other mums have started saying "bitty" to me. DS2 is not yet a year!

I seem to spend a lot of time around first-time mums with smaller babies, and they're a bit alarmed by DS2's acrobatic nursing. He likes to stand up, on one leg, while feeding.

Re AP: I do AP (co-sleep, demand-feed, babywear), but I also do controlled crying. It depends on what the baby needs, and also on what I need.

Haven't read the whole thread sorry

But I can't say I 'follow' any routine such as Gina Ford. I don't suppose I did AP but I do everything possible to keep my kids happy and healthy. I breastfed, I tried a sling (not one of my dd's liked them) I draw the line at children in my bed, If they are unwell or not sleeping well I usually bring them downstairs and sleep there with them.

So I suppose I am semi attached

You have to have a HUGE bed to co-sleep comfortably in my experience. We started off with a super king size futon on the floor, so we had a head start, but now ds is 2.5, we have added another double futon next to the first, so we now have a Room of Bed. I love it. If we had another I would definitely do it again, there really is nothing like waking up in the morning with a little sleepy person snuggled next to you.

Lol... I wake up with a huge not so snuggly thing beside me

I'm sorry that really lowered the tone

That is the drawback, of course, less, erm, hugeness.

Scanning this thread I couldn't see any links, so ...

Oh dear. You can even buy AP wristbands.

Being AP is a state of mind

Nope, frightfully detatched parenting in the Inferiority Complex.

Agree with WWB. I did weesaidie parenting.

I breastfed on demand.
I had a sling.
I co-slept sometimes, usually dd would go to sleep in her cot and then at some point come in with me.
Have stopped it now as she sleeps through in cot.
Am similar to expat in that I find it difficult to sleep in the same room now. I recently got a sofabed as I only have a one bedroomed flat!

spidermama, the second link sums up what I was trying to say beautifully.

I'm not quite AP, have a watered down version!but I like that philosophy of parenting. To me it is all about listening to your child and responding to them and their needs, rather than a book or routine, or anything else.

For me it means the following: I didn't co-sleep, as I was concerned about the health implications, plus my child slept through from 6 weeks (6 hours a night) so never really seemed to have the need. Didn't use a sling either - she never liked them (bought 4 - she rejected them all). Instead (as a first child) I used to carry her around more (She liked to look over my shoulder). Not sure what I'll do next time, though! Bfed until she gave up - at about 1 1/2. Never did CC, always attended cries (despite being told to ignore), used her routine rather than mine and so on...

However, I don't see it as all that much removed from normal parenting (with the exception of GF style parenting - which I think is the opposite).

So, to answer your question: I don't call myself AP - hate the term, but I would call myself baby led. I think you can pick and choose what suits you - I think that's the basuis of AP and no I don't think Non APers are detached!

I just did things as they came to me. I watched other parents as I grew up, and came to some opinions of how I might work things, or not. I think that attached parenting is quite similar to the sort of parenting on demand that my aunt/big sister practiced 10-15 years ago. My mother was more a routine type (as the youngest of four I'm sure I did my fair share of yelling, especially as she was (still is) very keen on the sleeping in your pram in the garden approach). I think that in general following someone else's ideas (whatever they might be) is probably a bad idea. Listening and thinking about and adopting where it seems to make sense is great, but I think that if we try to live up to some published theory of how to do it the "best" way we are just putting a whole lot of pressure on ourselves. Parenting styles go in and out of fashion, and I don't think any of them are based on any great evidence.

For myself I was a controlled crying, routine sort of mum (although I breastfed on demand). ds loved it, and dd didn't. She was definitely very attached - her nickname is "limpet".

I just muddles through really. I was going to do attached parenting with ds, but I bottle fed for a start, then it turned out ds much prefered to sleep in his moses basket, and would scream to be put down.

so bang went that one!

sounds rather nighmarish to me

custardo - why?