20 month age gap?

[Arabella36]

Would love to hear from people who have children with this age gap. Having experienced it, how did you find it and would you recommend it?
I'm asking because I'm considering when to have a second child. (am well aware that this isn't always something you can actually plan though!)
Am wondering about things like sibling rivalry and the workload with 2 in this age group.
Thanks in advance for any advice.

Mine are 20 months apart, and I found it fine. Well, fine at first :) The hard bit for me was when the youngest couldn't crawl and so screamed when I left the room and the eldest was still only just 2 so needed lots of attention, etc. Having said that, they are now 5.5 and nearly 4, play well together sometimes and cope well with each other's friends. There are pro's and con's to any age gap and no-one telling about it will help you make up your mind as some will have found it fine and others hard! What makes me sad is that I now get lots of time with ds as dd is at full time school, this is time I didn't get with her and occasionally feel as though I missed out on part of her toddler years as I had a baby as well, having said that I wouldn't change it, but have left a 4.5yr age gap between 2nd and 3rd, 3 under 4, that's plain crazy

My cousin found it very hard, a friend found it quite easy.

I had planned that gap but nature dictated a 6 year gap. I had thought that would be awful, but it's been great.

As already said, there are pros and cons with every gap.

I have a 20 month gap between ds1 and dd. I found it hard for 6 months and then it got easier, now it is fantastic (they are 6 and 4). ds1 has never remembered a time (to my knowledge!) when dd wasn't there and they get on well, most of the time. dd is very jealous of ds2 who is 3.5years younger than her.

So in short, I would recommend that gap based on my experience but everyone is different and I think it's more about the child than the gap IYSWIM!

Thank you for replying, it's useful to hear how it works out in real life!

I have an 18 month age gap between DS (22 months) and DD (4 months) - the reason I wanted this gap is because there is a 20-month gap between my brother and I and we were great friends growing up. I wanted to replicate that.

I have an 18 month (18 months and 1 week exactly to be precise lol!!) age gap between my DS (3 yrs 10 months) and my DD (2 yrs 4 months)and it's great. We also planned to have a small age gap and were very fortunate in falling pregnant in the first month of trying. I'd prepared myself for at least the first 6 months being really hard but actually, it wasn't too bad at all. Now they're older they are the best of friends and they love playing together and they keep each other entertained! They're lost without the other one! Ok, they obviously do have arguments and i have the whole sharing palaver to go through every day but i think that would be the same whatever age they were. i'd definately recommend it. I'm kind of the opposite to you now as i'm seriously considering a 3rd but am not sure about it as there would be at least a 3 yr age gap and am not sure if it would be too big!!!

I have 21mths between my girls.
I'd say the first few months were the trickiest, but def doable.

They are now 2.4mths and 6mths and things are much easier. DD2 just beams whenever she see's her big sister and DD1 loves her baby sister to bits. Shes the first person she asks to see when she wakes in the mornings.
Seeing them starting to play together and share toys is lovely and makes the bad days
all worth while

Never really had any sibling rivalry. I think DD1 is abit too young to really remember life before DD2 really. Things do take more juggling with 2 little ones but you soon get used to it and pick up on little things/tricks to make things easier.

I have 25 months age gap (eldest now nearly 3) and I found it really hard because when the baby arrives your eldest isn't as easy to reason with, talk to, or has much independence as would be a few months down the line.

Ideally I would have had at least 30 month age gap (2 1/2 years) as the older one can be left to own devices a little bit more when settling baby to sleep etc. I can't imagine those extra months would be the make or break of their longterm sibling relationship but it might save your sanity in the early months. 20 months is really very little, I can't imagine planning that gap.

I have 2 yr age gap.

It was hard when they were little but getting easier now.

They are 9 and 11 now. They have some spectacular rows but in general love each other to bits and seem to be shaping up to be great mates when they are older.

I have an older DD and younger DS. DS worships his big sis and used to cry when younger when she went on sleepovers.He still feels sad now if she is away overnight.

DD goes into DSs room when he is asleep and gives him a goodnight kiss every night.

I have a 16 mth age gap (to the day!) and it nearly killed me , but I think it depends so much on the kids. DS2 has been such hard work and very very demanding (and a shocking sleeper). Those people I know who've had two easy babies, or baby No 2 has been easy think it's fine.

Having said that I wouldn't recommend it to anyone .

Thanks very much to those who replied, your experiences are giving me food for thought!

There is 20 months between DS and DD. I can only repeat what other posters have said.

The first 6 months or so were quite difficult, both the baby and DS needed a lot of attention and there was quite a lot of jealousy at the time.

Now DS is 3 and a half and DD is 20 months it is a lot better. They play together and get along very well generally (apart from toy wars).

There is 19 months between DD2 & DD3, 15 months between DD3 & DS1, and 13 months between DS1 & DS2. DD2 was 4yrs & 1mth when I had DS2.
It was tough all the time when they were younger but know they are all school age it is only sometimes tough. Now we just have the problem of hormones flying around which is great fun! {grin}

I've got 15 months between my two DSs, and they're now 14 & 15 and it's great. They're into very different things, but are great friends, and DS1's friends are friends with DS2 and vice versa.

That's lovely to hear Agent .

I have 21 months between my 2 older dds. I found the much of the first year incredibly difficult (sorry!) but now they are 9 and nearly 8 they are the best of friends, into the same stuff, play the same games etc - it's lovely.

mjin, I honestly thought I was going insane in the first year it was sooooo hard . Leave your dh in charge for a day and then let him tell you you're being lazy .

It does get better though .

I've got 22 months between mine and love it, it's just what I wanted.

I have to say, it pretty muich depends on the child. My second is an easypeasy baby so it's been a lot harder than if we'd have had a tricky baby like my first.

I agree bigbarnfarm, I think having the difficult one second makes it much harder .

Ah, sympathies if you got the difficult one second knitting, I've always thought that would be far worse.

Was dreading DD2's arrival after velcro baby, constant feesding, refusing to go to anyone else, impossible to get to sleep DD1 but she really has been a walk in the park.

So far

DS1 was the most chilled baby on the planet (and continues to be a very chilled toddler). Slept through from 5 weeks and never cried unless he was hungry . Easy peasy .

DS2 . . . Oh . . . My . . . God . Velcro baby, never slept, cried constantly, wouldn't feed, and so on and so on. Bearing in mind I already had a 16mth old toddler to give some of my time too it was hell. I think the only thing that saved me from PND was the snow last Christmas - dh was snowed in at home for 3 weeks and was able to help me out .

DS2 is gorgeous now, but still much more demanding than DS1!

I have a 20 mnth gap between DD1 and the DTs. The first 6 months was a nightmare, and the rest of the first year wasn't great either. (DT1 was a very tricky baby, which didn't help). Now they're 2 and 3 1/2 it's loads of fun, they play together (and argue a lot) and get a lot out of their relationships with each other.
DD1 was, and largely still is, an easygoing character and adapted really well to her younger brother and sister. I think the small age gap helped us there - she can't really remember life without them and has never really seemed jealous.
I guess there's pros and cons to all age gaps - I absolutely wouldn't swap mine now though!