Working mums - how to avoid 'those' mornings?!

[pipkin35]

I work 3 days a week...currently M-W (thinking about changing to M, W, F - one of the reasons to avoid these morning nightmares!)but that's on another thread - any ideas would love to hear them.

Got 18 month old and nearly 3 yr old.

Just had another one of 'those' mornings....not only rushing like a mad thing - I'm quite used to that - but I mean no nice time in the moring, all 'snipy' and then shouty at both OH and DS - sitting here at work almost in tears cos of how I shouted at DS this AM.

LATE to work - AGAIN! Shouting at kids - due to not being prepared early enough and trying to do dressing/washing/CBBC etc.... first thing.
Have to leave house by 8am ideally. But frequently after BF 18 month old, am still in shower at 7.30am! OH helps out a lot. We get DS up as late as possible 7.45am...cos even if he's in bed by 7pm previous night he's still tired. But 3 year old was crying in the car all the way (30 mins) to nursery...and I hate it. I hate shouting.

How to avoid these mornings where it's all a mad rush?!
Any tips on being better prepared?
Ways to get them out of the house happy? Ways not to be rowing with OH (he doesn't drive - grrr! - so I drop him to wrok first then take the kids to nursery and then myself).
HELP!

GEt as much reeady the night before.
Buy your OH some driving lessons for Xmas.

Well I'll offer advice but really only support as I regularly have 'those' mornings

Can you stop BF in the morning? My mornings have got so much easier since I stopped BF DS in the morning.
Do you put all clothes (inc socks, jumpers, coats, hats) out the night before. Make sure you can find shoes and put them near the door. Find nursery diaries, sort out car seats etc.
Can your 3yo dress himself? DS took a long time to learn but it's paid off as I can now throw his clothes at him and he sorts himself out while i get DD dressed.
Do you have to do breakfast?

How come your DS is still tired in the morning? Does he nap enough in the day? Can he have an earlier bedtime before a work day, say half 6?

I second getting your DH driving lessons.

Sixtyfootdoll - Buying OH driving lessons. Grrr. It's already taken over 2K and a failed attempt - he's 41 - for him to even admit to me that he 'really disliked' driving. We're in no financial position to either have another car or to waste more money on lessons if he doesn't even enjoy it...so no go there, but thanks for the suggestion and it makes perfect sense. When the kids start school I will be forcing him to learn again.

Stelthpolarbear - How did you get your DS to learn to dress himself? What's the best approach do you think? It's a bit of a chciken n egg. In the mornings where we rush, there's no 'time' to learn, on the 4 days we're off, he wants to lay round in PJs and 'relax' so shows not much interest...even when presented as a tres exciting game! Advice on ways to help learn dress himself would be ace.

A mate suggested having breakfast in the car - but that seems really odd to me?! Opinions - she says she gives all manner of fruit, cereal bars and dry cereal (her lil gal hates milk)in a tupperware pot and that's saved her over 30 mins!

I used to do M-W-F, would never do that again. Was constant stop start through the week. Now at least I get a longer weekend which believe me makes it much easier to get through the rest of the week!

Also can you simply not scoop sleeping ds into car seat in his pj's and let him get dressed at nursery? Saves you waking him late and then getting all stroopy when he's not got time to do the things he of course now wants to try for himself.

If not an option then simply make it dh's responsibility to get ds up and ready on time. If he's not ready he goes in car wearing whatever he has on and rest in a bag.

ooh breakfast is hard, DS's nursery started doing breakfast after some parental suggestions - maybe something you could suggest?

Wow, didn't realise you were giving breakfast at home. I thought it was pretty standard for nursery to give children breakfast, especially if they open at 7am. Definitely speak to nursery about this and ask them to give it there, even if you have to get dc there earlier!

And then have your own breakfast at work. Dh must be getting to his work earlier enough to have a bowl of cereal there, and if you get the dc to nursery earlier then you'll be at your desk earlier too!

Couple of people in my office have a box of cereal in the kitchenette and have a bowl after they get in (but before their hours start).

I am late to work every single day (also work M, T W). Despite getting everything ready the night before I run round like a blue arsed fly and am always late and stressed. Would you like to know how DH's morning goes?

Get up, have breakfast while reading the paper.Upstairs for a bath ffs!, saunder out the door. I couldn't believe this morning I was really late, went up stairs to find him lying in the bath, eyes closed, arms behind his head, the picture of relaxation.

He does do a lot with DD but he will not under any circumstances change his morning routines. I could murder him quite easily.

I work 20 hrs a week- 4 mornings and 1 afternoon.
I have DS (5), DD1 (3) & DD2 (12 mo)
I have found the only solution has been to get everyone up earlier. I get up at 6am ish with DD2 and get myself dressed/washed, and put bags in car, start cooking porridge. DS & DD1 up at 6.45am. DD1 has CF so we do nebulisers at 7am while watching CBeebies, followed by kids getting dressed (DS does this by himself but have to still help DD1 though she tries hard). 7.20am all sitting at table for breakfast. 7.45am finish breakfast. Play time while I get nappy change done, gather last few bits, defrost car. 8.10am DD1's phsio. 8.25am brush teeth & hair for the whole lot, dept. 8.30am for school run/preschool run and childminder run (yep, 3 drop offs- can't wait until they're all at school!).

I try to get all school/preschool/baby bags/lunches etc. sorted and clothes ready downstairs night before.

All 3 DCs are in bed by 7pm or else they are very tired rising at 6.45am.

It is always manic but I've found letting them have a small bit of play time factored in somewhere helps (we do this straight after breakfast- it helps jolly them along to eat quickly and also encourages them to get dressed!). But I don't really play with them, there's just no time, but I do try to keep myself calm throughout but still often end up raising my voice more than I'd like, especially during the last ten mins of actually trying to get them out the door. And we always have good chats once in the car, put on a story CD or kid friendly music which we sing along to- and that's my way of trying to offset the grumpy rushed mummy they've had all morning. DH sadly usually has to leave around 7am so not really able to help out, but the mornings he has been there it's actually been harder to do things quickly.

I too hate the mornings I have to work, though now DS & DD1 are at preschool/school there's always a rush to be out. And I gave up years ago on looking presentable - thankfully I work somewhere that doesn't mind too much if I have porridge on my shoulder!!

Will be watching this thread for more tips with interest!

I would have thought working every other day would help a lot.

Since your still BF I would leave your ds entierly to your dh by the way and concentrate on getting yourself and baby ready and out the door. Alternatively I ended up giving my dd expressed milk in bottle in the car on the way to nursery. Not ideal but it worked for us. Sandwich for ds in the car should be fine (though it does leave crumbs all over the car).

Can you shower the evening before? I make breakfast (sandwhich) and packed lunch the night before. Put out all clothes and shoes etc for dd AND myself, have nursery bag and my work bag packed and in the same place ready for loading the car. Loadin the car before any dc is awake also lets you see whether you need a brolly, need to scrape the car of ice and bring hats, gloves etc. Only wake dd when I am completely ready myself. My routine is very detailed but its now second nature, I can do it still half sleeping! So I'd advise a good routine and lots of drilling to get it right with everyone. In the beginning you'll probably just have to get up earlier and go to bed earlier. Since your ds is three you can also have fun with timing getting out the door (lets see how qucikly you can put your shoes on, lets see how quickly we can all get [safely] into the car etc). Its all about prior preparating and drilling everyone in the new routine.

PS. FWIW my house always looks like a bomb's hit it after we leave in the morns, and that's one thing I hate coming home to in the afternoon/evening :( Trying to eek out another 5 mins to tidy away breakfast things even just seems impossible!

Don't envy you the 8am starts either. Definitely think nursery should provide breakfast- would help a lot surely

I struggle if I have to do breakfast at home. I get up really early and get myself ready before my DS wakes up - that helps.

I would give short shrift to the 'disliking driving', too - and I speak as someone who had exactly the same issue with my own DH. He took till he was 40 to learn, and I think was genuinely frightened of being behind the wheel. He still moans and says he really doesn't like it - but unless you live somewhere where everything is achievable smoothly by public transport it is just not on to duck out of that part of adult life if it means that other people are left picking up the slack. If he was single with no kids it would be his choice; in his situation he really does just have to grow up and pull his weight.

I'm not sure alternate days would work, I work Mon Tues Thurs Fri - it's nice to have a break from the rushing on a Wednesday, but actually Tuesday mornings are usually the easiest because the DC wake at the right time and we are all in the right mind-set.

We are up and out in an hour to 1 1/4 hrs incl. breakfast and a bf (and shower/make-up etc.)

I have my shower first, then wake the DSs - if you think about it logically, 15 minutes or so extra sleep in the morning is not going to make any difference to your 3 yr old but it will make a big difference to your routine.

The reason your 3 yr old was crying was probably because they didn't have enough time to wake up properly.

I can totally sympathise with the shoutiness and the rubbish feeling afterwards, but it is because you are not allowing enough time and so have to constantly chivvy the DC along.

Also if you only have an hour or so in the mornings you do NOT need the telly on.

We sometimes compromise by listening to an audio story CD during breakfast if the DC are a bit grumpy.

No CBBC in the morning
I would not drop my DH to work if it made me late

Good grief, I'm reading this thread in utter dread. My mat leave finishes next week and I'm back T, W, T after a year off with my first DD, she starts nursery in 2 weeks. At the moment, she goes to bed at 7pm and wakes about 9am :)
How the blimming heck am I going to do it?! I'm a teacher too so I have to be fairly presentable, have my head screwed on first thing - oh and the small matter of being on time...

Get up 15 mins earlier than you would do- sort out any last minute glitches due to bad weather (eg extra warm clothes, defrost the car, things you forgot to do the night before,) etc
DH to sort the 3 year old. End of.
No telly till he's ready - the more he hurries up getting dressed, the more television he can have (or not)
Everything ready the night before (see above for contingency plan)
Breakfast things laid out
Leave DH behind if he doesn't do enough to help you in order to leave the house on time. He'll soon get the message when he has to get a taxi to work or the bus.

Nursery give breakfast - all DD has is a drink of milk when she wakes. Any reason why your nursery doesn't?
Iron & lay out everyone's clothes & shoes the night before.
I appreciate its not for everyone, but I ditched the morning shower in favour of a more leisurely bath the night before.
Breakfast at work for me - I leave early enough such that DD arrives at nursery shortly after the start time of 7:45 which means I'm in work early too & I miss the hellish traffic. Gives me chance for a brew & some cornflakes at my desk. Basically I am nil-by-mouth in a morning, until I arrive at work.
DP helps with getting DD into the car & leaves after us so does all the lcoking up etc.
DD & I get up - I get dressed & DP gets DD changed & dressed for the day - it's their ritual (and probably the only time I ever get to brush my teeth in peace!).

Also, don't change your days unless you have to. Treadmill Mon-Wed, more leisurely Thur-Sun.

I'm so sad that I get EVERYTHING ready the night before, then in the morning whilst the DCs are eating their breakfast, I make their beds, get their pjs ready for the evening, take something out of the freezer for dinner etc, so that when I come home I've got less to do.

I'm always half a day ahead of myself, then I can more easily factor in a crisis.

My friends think I am crackers, but it works for me.

Sounds very familiar. Tis always a rush here on days I work.

Has been much easier since we started sharing drop offs with a friend. Do you know anyone locally who also does work/childcare thing who you could share with? I was worried about not seeing my youngest off, but it works really well and our eldest loves going in with his mates. Just takes some of the pressure off in the mornings and gives the kids an incentive to get ready - 'so and so is here in a minute' (although does mean you need to reciprocate!).

I do have cbbc on though - can sometimes keep things together better/less stressful and means I know where they are for getting dressed etc.

stressheaderic - dress your baby in longsleeved babygros and tracksuit bottoms. Then in the morning all you have to do is change her nappy, pull on a pair of trackies and socks and you're good to go. It gets harder when they get older when they walk away/decide they don't want to wear that top/decide that they can't leave until they find X toy etc etc but by then you're a bit more practiced :)

Agree with cutting out the morning BF. Could you sit 18mo straight in front of a bowl of cereal and cup of milk when he wakes instead?

Buy OH a bike?

How does your dh get to work on days you don't work? Can't he do that everyday?