Put baby in own room at 6 weeks - ? bad parent ? anyone else?

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We've put our 6 week old DS in his own room the last few nights following his very loud grunting keeping us awake before this.

We don't have a monitor as the room is literally next door to ours and shares a wall, so I wake when he cries for feeding etc every time. If we did have the monitor on it would come through in stereo - through the wall and speaker.

He still wakes around every 2 hours.

I do not want a breathing monitor as I feel this would cause me to be more anxious.

I found, when he was next to me in our bedroom, I was very anxious all night, listening to every sound and whether he was about to wake, especially when grunting. Now I get much more sleep (between every 2 hour get up) and only seem to wake when he cries, which I presume are the times he actually needs me?

So, all seems well? Apart from I feel really guilty and as though I am missing something major of why to have him in with us. I know it's recommended for cot death reasons, but I feel that if something was going to happen, the likelihood of being able to prevent it / you waking up any more if you were in the same room is slim.

• in his own room has his mobile which I can put on for him, white noise, feeding chair etc.

I feel so guilty and bad, I am making sure I don't mention it to friends / at the groups I have been attending.

Any one else put their child in their own room from an early age?

If you feel so guilty and bad about it why are you doing it?
Are you under pressure from your DH?

I did it. She was 6 weeks old and now she's nearly 10 and she's always been good at going to bed in her own room.

We didn't have grunting to contend with...she just slept so well that she barely woke, so we thought we'd try her in her own room.

I don't see the problem at all - if he is doing well in his own room and you are getting more sleep, just go with it. Everyone does their own thing with their babies and it's your choice.
At least you won't have to do the transition from your room to his own when he's more aware of things and of you not being there. I put my dd in her own room at three months and she was fine. She got much more sleep due to her not being woken up by us coming to bed and DP's snoring

I would be worried about SIDS tbh. Babies respiratory systems are still very immature at this age and they need to hear you breathe not you them iyswim. They also need to be near their mothers to feel safe and secure.

I wouldn't do it but each to their own I suppose.

DD was in her room from 10 weeks. She outgrew the moses basket and there was no way the cot would fit in our room, nor would i want it in ours. She was and is very happy in her cot in her own room.

If he is sleeping happily in there than it is obviously not bothering him. Our set up is exactly the same as as yours. our bedroom and DD's share a wall and i can hear every squeak through it. I sleep much better now she is in her room and i think she does too. When she was in with us i would wake with every snuffle and shuffle and be anticipating her waking. it really did drive me bonkers.

The reason people are advised to have their baby in with them is that there is a statistical correlation (not a cause, just a correlation) with lower incidences of SIDS in infants who sleep in the same room as their parents. It is thought to be because of increased patental surveillence (i.e you are more likley to see them stop breathing if they are in the room with you). THat said it is a very very small risk factor.

Your not a bad mum and there is no reason to feel guilty.

Yes, dd was in her own room from bfore 6 weeks (with monitor, not as close as yours). She slept well, we slept better, everyone happy. Same with subsequent ds. They are both good sleepers, seemingly well adjusted (!?) and everyone is happy....

Don't worry.

mine all slept in their own rooms from part way through their first night - like you they ketp me awake sniffing etc.

this meant that they woke me if they were hungry, but if they were just wimpering a bit they went back to sleep - so they learnt to sleep through the night relatively quickly - 6 or 7 hours by 3 months.

everyone happy and 3 healthy children

Yes , DS1 from 6 weeks and DS2 even earlier, for exactly te same reasonas as you. Every little sound (grunt) woke me and I was getting no sleep at all. I didn't have a monitor either - that would have defeated the object!

No idea if it was good or bad for the DC, but was much better for me as I became more or less human, which IMO has to be good for DC.

They are now 7 & 9 and are in bed without a fuss every night by 8pm at the latest

Both my DCs were in their own room early (DD by 6 weeks and DS by 5 weeks - and for him this was after spending 3 weeks in hospital with him). Both were incredibly noisy and I was getting no sleep at all. Neither suffered from it and in fact I think they benefitted by learning to be on their own - I certainly wouldn't agree that they felt unsafe or insecure because of it. I also think that the argument of safety RE SIDS etc is a red herring. If you are asleep are you going to 'hear' your baby stop breathing? Sad to say if something like that is going to happen it would be tragic but I personally don't think having the baby in the moses basket next to your bed would stop it. Saying that if you are feeling bad about it then it suggests you're not comfortable with the decision so perhaps should reconsider - you should only do it if you are happy to.

I don't think it makes you a bad parent. There are all kinds of risks we take with are children - it's up to you to decide which risks you are comfortable with.

The SIDS thing - I thought the theory was it's just as much about them hearing you and regulating their breathing against yours, as it is about you hearing them.

SIDS is also a very small risk though, so doubling a small risk is still small.

I put DS in his own room at 5 weeks (16 years ago it wasn't frowned upon). You have to do what suits you as family -neither could sleep with him snuffling around all night and we were exhausted.
He won't be miles away and you can hear him easily.

You do what feels best for you, after you have weighed up the current advice.
Which is what I did. Except my 2 were born 21 and 14 years ago. They went straight in their own rooms from when we got home from hospital, which was 5 days with the first, and 2 days with the second.
I probably wouldn't do that now, if I was have another.
We had no baby monitors either, and they were both ff.

DS went in his own room at 6 weeks, but only because he was too big for the carrycot/crib we used (kept hitting the sides and waking up) so put him in the large cot, and he slept much better. (No room for cot in our room then).

Only drawback is when he woke for feeding you have to go for a walk to get him, so he often ended up sleeping in our bed anyway :)

My son is 9 now but we put him in hos own room before 5 months, I can't remember exactly when, could have been at 3 months but we put him back in with us because the midwife told us too. All of ours then slept in with us until at least 6 months if not longer.

No one knows what causes sudden infant death syndrome, there are a lot of theories.
One is that the carbon dioxide in the exhaled breath of the parents kicks off a reaction to breathe.
If a baby is in a room on their own there is a higher risk of cot death.
That's why the recommendations are to keep the baby in your room until 6 months when the risks of SIDS drop dramatically.

Mine both went in their own rooms when we came back from the hospital although a long time ago (they are 19 and 16). We did it because there was no reason for us both to be disturbed by them and like yours there was a lot of snuffling and little noises which stopped us sleeping with the monitor on. So turned it off as proper crying through open doors woke us up anyway.

My rule of thumb is, if anything happened to your baby would you blame yourself because you put baby in own room? The advice is there for a reason and if you're uncomfortable not following it, follow it. The posters here who did the same were very happy with their decisions.

I agree with LadyintheRadiator.

You could put earplugs in a get a monitor for the deaf (it vibrates).

You have to weigh up your options-I am currently letting dd sleep on her front (in our room) which again is not recommended as increases the risk of SIDS. Yes if something happened I would always blame myself for it, but on the other hand I probably would anyway. She sleeps fantastic, I sleep well and ds (2.5) doesn't get disturbed by her, because we've all slept we have happy active days. Also thinking changes all the time-I was on my tummy in my own room from birth,and although it's not recommended now,thinking could have changed in another 5yrs time!

For me the slight increase in a tiny risk of SIDS would be outweighed by the benefits of us all sleeping so much better. Exhausted parents are dangerous too! There were several incidents when DS1 was a baby which could have ended very nastily, and all due to me being off my head with tiredness. We couldn't put DS in another room because we didn't have one, but I've known several families who've decided this works best for them.

My 3 all went into their own rooms within a couple of weeks as I simply didn't sleep at all when they were in with me. Sleeping in their own room is one of the risk factors for SIDS, we had minimised all of the other risks (eg no smoking, sleeping on back etc) and so I felt comfortable with the small level of risk associated with being in their own room.

I suppose I was also thinking about how they slept in their own rooms (or often downstairs in carrycot in the next room, but still not with me) during daytime naps and for the first part of the evening anyway, which accounted for nearly half of their sleep time on their own in any event, so for me it seemed a bit over anxious to start worrying too much about them being on their own for the other half of their sleep time.

My DD went into her own room at 3.5 weeks, she was the noisiest sleeper in the World and I just couldn't sleep at all. Did have a monitor even though her room is right next to mine as I was worried that I was so knackered that I'd sleep through her waking up. However as a Mother I think you tune in and end up hearing their every noise!

DD went in her own room from about 3 wks.

I don't see that there is anything wrong with this if she is sleeping well and waking for feeds. My DS is 5 weeks and I have been considering moving him into his own room because he will soon be too big for his basket (he is a huge beast!) and because he sleeps really well at night but I don't because at every little snuffle I'm wide awake convinced that he's going to start crying and that there's no point trying to sleep. So he sleeps from 11pm until 7am but I'm still only getting about 4 or 4 hours!

I agree with NellyTheElephant on this one re risk of SIDS.