How grown-up/babyish is your 9 year old dd?

[Dancergirl]

Dd1 is going through a hard time at the moment and seems quite down. She feels babyish compared to her friends because, for example, she still quite likes cbeebies and doesn't have a clue when it comes to pop music/celebrities.

I'm worried because when I was growing up, I didn't know about/like popular culture and was a bit of an outsider. Probably not as young as this but certainly during early teens. It's horrible to be on the outside and I don't want that to happen to dd. The thing is, dh and I don't listen to much pop music ourselves, we don't watch X Factor (we all watch Strictly though!) and I'm worried that dd is missing out because of us. I have asked her loads of times (and dd2 who's nearly 8) if they want to watch X Factor but they're just not interested. They hate HSM/Hannanh Montana too.

Dd seems so unhappy at the moment. Her best friend since reception seems to be breaking away from her and some of the other girls in the class have been a bit bitchy. For example, one of the girls has been saying lately that dd has nits. Dd did have nits but over a year ago and she certainly doesn't have them now. This girl was behind dd in the lunch line the other day and made another girl go in front of her so she didn't have to stand next to dd

I don't know what to do to help her fit in a bit more. Her class teacher is an excellent teacher but young and probably a bit inexperienced when it comes to pastoral matters.

I do think it's important not to grow up too fast and to relish childhood but I'm wondering if dd is like this because subconsiously she's picking up messages from me. But I encourage her to take the lead and I don't hold her back if she wants to do something. I suggested to her yesterday that maybe we start listening to the radio a bit more or get a Lady Gaga CD or something.

Does anyone have any advice?

Agree with MI - there are plenty of delightful young girls of this age. Perhaps the reputation for difficulty exists because it is the girls who are difficult who get all the 'headlines'.

Fwiw - my dd readily admits that there are unpleasant girls in her year, but she knows exactly who they are. For the most part, she is able to steer well clear and focus on the girls who are enjoyable.

She was very excited to tell me about yesterday's new playground game - a form of chase/tag, where each girl was a different element.......so, water could chase fire, etc. Sounded imaginative, fun, and delightful to me.

It's the other end of the telescope of the cliquey school gate mum idea, isn't it? Yes there are instances that look like they might well be ostentatious power-play (among parents I mean), but if you were to settle down on the school steps with a clipboard and a biro and score each individual & each interaction in what-is-that-sociological-movement-I-am-thinking-of (the term that comes to mind is "Human Capital" but that is wrong) you would realise that the non-ostentatious are the enormous majority of people but that de facto the ostentatious are more visible.

I'm sure it's the same with girls - the few that do decide to do something destabilising with the dynamics around them have an effect far in excess of how many there of that sort of girl there are. Dd is also very clear about who at school can't quite be trusted to be nice (and it's very very few, again).

Social capital? I like social capital. It makes me feel justified in Hanging Around Having A Chat, because I am amassing the stuff.

DD1 is busy making pompoms for her mates, who have requested them . She in turn has requested more sodding Sylvanians for Christmas. She is also doing rather well at school .

Mass Observation

that's what I meant
L makes blu-tack cats to order (plus animations of them with mice and swishing tails) - there needs to be an animation of a blu-tack cat batting a pompom!

YES!!

I like DD1's friends. They are lovely.

Interesting thread. My DD is a lot younger (just turned 6) but I am already glad that she is at a massive school (125 year group) with a very varied intake (nearly 60 nationalities, 75% of pupils of mixed parentage) and that the classes are remixed every year. I remember back to my prep school and it was so small and everyone knew everything about everyone else and you could never get away from the girls you didn't like. It made making new friends so much harder.