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Parenting

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Original poster

Were you always sure you wanted kids?

31 replies

Sarsaparilllla · 04/11/2010 12:13

I think about having kids, I'm 32, relationship, house, good job, we're not rolling in it but money's ok, and I'm just nore sure if I want kids enough to have them?

Everyone else who has kids seems to have this overwhelming urge that they knew they wanted them, needed to have a baby, and I don't know if I feel that, or if I feel like I should

Did anyone else feel like this before having a baby, I do day dream about it, I've got a list of baby names in my diary, lol, and I'm here, posting on this site, thinking about it, but I still don't know, I feel like I'm missing some deep urge that everyone else seems to have

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Flowerface · 04/11/2010 12:18

I wasn't desperate to have them, though I might have felt differently if I'd ever really considered NOT having them. Before, if there was a puppy and a baby in a room, I wouldn't have looked twice at the baby! I wasn't really a 'baby person'. But it really does transform you. Also, I think it's helpful to think in terms of having a child rather than a baby - they won't be a baby forever - so consider having another person sharing your life, imposing their needs and wants and ideas and opinions... Personally I was always much more enthusiastic about having children than having babies, if you see what I mean...

droves · 04/11/2010 12:20

before i had kids , i hated the little monsters .Honestly hated .
I GET UP AND LEAVE THE ROOM IF ANYONE BROUGHT A CHILD IN.(18yrs old then)

Then i had my first , and sort of got addicted to them .....have 5 of my own and 3 step kids...and i love it .

PortoTreasonAndPlot · 04/11/2010 12:22

I always assumed I would have them when I was younger. Then I got to my mid 30s and was living a nice life - lots of holidays, weekends away, trips to the pub and the cinema, and I just never felt broody and put the idea to the back of my mind.

Then I fell PG completely by accident. I was totally . I found the adjustment to being a mum quite hard to start with, DD is the best thing I have ever "done" ifswim. She really is the light of my life.

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Original poster

Sarsaparilllla · 04/11/2010 12:23

Yes, I totally see what you mean.

I think I prefer small children to babies and I have a great relationship with my parrents, I'd love to have that with a child when I'm older

OP posts:

Ormirian · 04/11/2010 12:23

No. I was quite sure I didn't.

Original poster

Sarsaparilllla · 04/11/2010 12:25

Porto, you sound very like me now!! :o

Maybe if it genuinely was an accident I'd deal with it better, it's just hard to know if it's a right time or not, it's such a massive decision to make...

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HotchpotchHoney · 04/11/2010 12:27

I always said i would never have children. Now i have 4 of them!
I wanted a career and to go travelling, I fell pregnant with ds1 when i was 20, I have still managed the career and the travelling, albeit in smaller does of travelling now.

Ormirian · 04/11/2010 12:28

To be a little less concise, I never had a deep urge for a baby until after I was fairly far on with my first pregnancy. The closest I got was a vague 'I wonder what it would be like'. But as I had been 100% sure I didn't want children at all that was quite a development. DH had resigned himself to never having children even though he wanted them, as I was so adamant.

Once DS was born I became totally in love with him, and all babies TBH. And I wanted more.

Hulababy · 04/11/2010 12:29

Yes, always knew I wanted a family from being pretty young. Not to the extent of daydreaming and compiling name lists - but then I met Dh young and we started TTC once the time felt right - we were about 35/26y IIRR and finally had DD at 29y.

mamasunshine · 04/11/2010 12:58

I never thought I really wanted children in any way. I never particularly 'liked' children And I was certainly NEVER broody, not once through my entire 1st pg. My dh was the same, and for some reason we thought 'well, we'll just let nature take its place'. 3 months later I was pg with ds1. As soon as I had ds1 I was blown away the most amazing thing we have ever done! Now pg with dc3 and will have 3 under 3 (have found it slightly addictive!!) And I now get broody all the time

thumbwheel · 04/11/2010 13:02

no. I wasn't at all sure that I wanted any - but I had a pretty strong suspicion that if I was told I couldn't have any I'd feel absolutely crap about it.

Even up to the day of being induced with DS I was scared I had made a mistake deciding to have him - and then when he was born, it was just the most natural thing to be his mum. I can't say I ever got hit by the wave of love, I didn't, but it was just all completely right. My best friends were all stunned at the transformation in me - I had never been keen on other people's DC either so it amused and amazed them (and me, if I'm honest) to see me become this "natural mother" person.

I always say to undecided people - think how you would feel if your choice was taken away and you couldn't have DC - how would you feel then? for me, it's a better indicator of whether or not you do, deep down, want or expect to have DC.

petisa · 04/11/2010 14:18

no, i wasn't interested in babies or kids at all. thought they were pretty boring and snotty tbh. didn't plan dd1, had her at 31, now have dd2, at 33, and i LOVE being a mum, find it loads of fun, have become a SAHM and would say these are the best years of my life so far (even though the partying and travelling was great fun too

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 04/11/2010 14:25

You should think not of how much you want a baby but how much you want to be a mother.

That is what's important.

I've always wanted to be a mum. Grew up so impatient to reach the age at which I felt was old enough to become a mum. Never wanted anything else. And now that I am. I feel fullfilled and happy.

Other people's children are nothing like having your own. Other people's children can be annoying, odd and irritating at the best of times plus you don't have that love for someone elses child like you would your own so don't base what you think of other people's kids and how you are around them how you would feel having your own. It's a huge leap into the unknown even for someone who knows that they want to be a mum so I can't imagine being in your situation.

PortoTreasonAndPlot · 04/11/2010 15:23

Sarsaparilllla, I think if I had had to choose whether to have a baby, I would still be childless now. I am pretty sure DH would have said a definite NO if I had suggested it - he is 11 years older than me.

When I discovered that dd was on the way, we never even considered not having the baby though. My family were all totally shocked. My DH dotes on her completely and has done since the moment she was born.

plasticinepolly · 04/11/2010 15:28

Yes I've always wanted children, but I wasn't sure that I'd have any due to one thing or another. Feel v lucky to have dd :)

Fennel · 04/11/2010 16:01

No. I never had a very strong urge to have children, and I did consider not having them (lots of my friends and colleagues have chosen not to so it's seen as very normal in my world).

I do have 3 and like them all but I never felt it as a need, more as a "it might be interesting..."

ApocalypseCheese · 04/11/2010 16:06

Always said I wouldn't have them, fell pregnant with dd and had ds when she was 3 because I didn't want dd to be an only so decided to get it out the way tbh !

I don't regret anything but DO wish i'd had them later on.

HeroWantage · 04/11/2010 16:14

No strong urge until much too late in mid-thirties....and am now too old to have DC2 - do be aware that it can creep up on you...

From what you wrote in your post, it sounds like you're more than ready - good luck!

onceamai · 04/11/2010 20:39

Completely and totally always wanted children. Can't ever remember it being anything other than my biggest ambition from when I was a tiny girl.

southeastastra · 04/11/2010 20:40

yes, but probably because i was the youngest and never realised the harsh reality of it all

mamasmissionimpossible · 04/11/2010 20:50

Always wanted to have children. Was always quite maternal even as a child. My dolls were very well looked after!

I love my 2 dc's dearly, but the reality of having them is very different to how I thought it would be. It's bloody hard work!

minxofmancunia · 04/11/2010 21:10

Didn't really want children, fell pregnant with dd when using contraception, unsure but dh wanted us to go ahead with the pregnancy. obviously very glad as I love her to bits, had ds 3 years later as felt like I really wanted a baby at that time and wanted dd to have a sibling.

But in all honesty if we hadn't had that accident i doubt I would have had children so I'm really glad it happened. I adore them and they are fantastic but i won't lie to you, I find it bothersome and stressful and miss my old life...a lot. I don't enjoy the baby stage but now dd is 4 she's an absolute pleasure.

Lovethesea · 04/11/2010 21:44

No, I was single and not at all broody for years. Worked with kids and youth but loved handing them back at the end of work and didn't warm to the 24/7 responsibility I knew went with the parent role.

Met DH, got married, we had talked about it before (!) and I knew he did want a family. I had no broody urge at all, but when I considered the future having kids seemed more 'colourful' than not having them IYSWIM?

So we started ttc and now have 2 DC under 2 and I am all done with childbirth (she prays!).

I still find the 24/7 responsibility exhausting, but they are also amazing small people who I know will change daily with all the pros and cons of the different stages.

I don't regret having them, I love them utterly, but I have no problem with saying that I am still to have a single broody moment. I just don't seem to be the broody type (was 34 when I had DD and 35 when I had DS so maybe I would've been later???).

So - does a future with kids seem more colourful or less?

BlueberryPancake · 04/11/2010 22:01

no. DH and I had agreed not to have children before we got married, so that there were no expectations.

When I got to 34 I remember asking my husband 'is that it then' is this going to be our lives, going to work, coming back home, spend money, meet friends. Is that it?

We never agreed to have kids, or decided to have kids, I just stopped the pill and thought well if I get pregnant then I will. I got pregnant second month off the pill.
I now have two gorgeous boys and am happier than ever.

FlameGrilledMama · 04/11/2010 22:34

I was adament I didn't want them I wanted to concentrate on a good career had a accident at 17 and choose to be a SAHM and I think being a mum is the best thing in the world for me anyway

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