Who gets up at night?

[spacetraveler]

I have been getting up at night(for the baby) EVERY night for 13 months, My husband told me yesterday that he has a problem with the fact that I sigh when the baby cries.

He thinks that I dread getting up and he has a problem with this (he is right I do dread it, because I am exhausted) . He says its the only thing he expects from me because I am at home with the baby, and he has to work. I don't have a problem with getting up most of the time, BUT I feel I am at a point where I am going to crack if someone doesn't help me.

Who gets up in your house do you take turns? Do you ever get a night off?

your DH is a selfish nob

We take it in turns on a nightly basis. So, whoever gets up in the night gets a lie in (however brief) and the other on gets up with the early rising kids in the morning.

We also tried taking it in turns throughout the night but prefer the all or nothing way for our sleep.

Just because you are at home, doesn't meant you should feel like shit everyday. You still have to be awake, chirpy Smiley Mummy with your DC.

we take turns

your husband is being incredibly selfish. YOU work too....

in our house I do the majority of housework etc, but when dp gets home the childcare is split 50-50 (well, it's supposed to be)

When I wasn't working outside the house then I got up most of the time, but DH made sure I had 1/2 nights off a week. Having said that, we were lucky and dd pretty reliably slept through from an early age. We did go through a phase of very early waking (5am) at about the 13 month stage and we took in turns, although I was back at work by then. I think if I had stayed at home and she was still waking at night by 13 months I would have been going spare and insisting that I had some nights a week 'off' to maintain my sanity.

About 70% of the time it's me.. PArtly because I'm at home at the moment (note I don't say I'm not working!!) and partly because it's a hangover from the long, long BFing days..

I disappear into the shower/ off with my book/ onto MN/ out the door whenever he's home in time to do the whole bedtime palaver though..

we used to take turns. With dd its now me. The agreement is I do nights, he does days.

I always do the middle of night feeds, always. but dh does get up and do the early morninng one at the weekend so i get a lie in then.

My son mostly sleeps through now (5-6am start which is fine by me, I'm a morning person). On the nights he wakes it's 90% me who gets up - for the sole reason that hearing the baby wake up, shuffle around and cry for food wakes me up waaaaaaay before my partner - so my night is interrupted anyway - may as well get up and deal with it.

Co-slept (and bf lying down) with DS as he was a rubbish sleeper until around 18mo. Am useless without sleep so it was the best way all round for us - couldn't cope with getting up in the night. Thankfully he sleeps through pretty consistently now.

I'm at home with my DCs in the day, DH goes out to work. He mostly deals with any night waking and has since 6 months. This is partly due to the fact he snores so I have to wear ear plugs and don't wake unless he prods me (by which time he figures he may as well do it). Otherwise it would probably be 50/50. They are very good sleepers though and when there's a bad patch he will prod me.

What does your DH mean by "it's the only thing he expects of [you]"? You're with them all day, it's not like all you do is get up in the night and then you have all day to catch up etc.

I find the whole "I work" excuse to be mind numbingly arrogant. You have a life in your hands all day, it requires a reasonable degree of concentration and alertness too. I know a wage coming into a household is important, but when both parents go out to work they manage. So it's perfectly possible for most people to manage to do a fair share of dealing with nights and still go out into the big bad world in the mornings.

You could start by telling him all you expect of him is to do Friday and Saturday nights. Just knowing you can sleep through a couple of nights a week would make a world of difference to you I'm sure.

I do (100%of the time -DS is 10months) but then we co-sleep cause I can't -be bothered get up a millions times per night for our incredible non sleeping baby. DH gets up every morning with DS and I lie in until he leaves for work at around 7h45.

(and don't fall for the 'It's all I ask of you' business, cause it's not. I bet he expects you to do tue majority of the housework as well as 99% of the child care. He's as much a parent as you are!)

I do all the nighttimes - once I had night weaned dd we took it in turns on Fri and Sat night, atm with a 3 month old we both get a lie-in at the weekend. The reason I do so much more is because he drives alot for work and it would be dangerous if he was tired.

Having a problem with you sighing! Could you book into a hotel for the weekend and leave him to it?

People who haven't looked after small children for any length of time seem to think that being at home is holiday - I work three days and the amount of people who tell me it must be nice to have a long weekend I would definitly try to get him at home with the child for at least 24 hours - he needs to understand how exhausting it is.

I co-slept and as dd wanted bmilk in the night, generally it was only me that needed to wake up albeit briefly. But if she was fussing/ill/teething in the night we took it in turns. DH adored getting up in the night with dd. He would walk round the dark house singing to her and talking about the things they'd do together in the future. I found the same thing with night feeds sometimes. You feel like the whole world is slumbering and you're sharing this secret, quiet time.

DH always said, he's tired and makes a mistake, maybe he'll spill a drink or drop a plate (ran a restaurant), I got too tired, I'd have a baby to be responsible for and he'd never risk it.

I do (100%of the time -DS is 10months) but then we co-sleep cause I can't -be bothered get up a millions times per night for our incredible non sleeping baby. DH gets up every morning with DS and I lie in until he leaves for work at around 7h45.

(and don't fall for the 'It's all I ask of you' business, cause it's not. I bet he expects you to do tue majority of the housework as well as 99% of the child care. He's as much a parent as you are!)

DH goes to DS in the night 90% of the time. He works full time and I'm a SAHM.

He needs less sleep than me though, especially as I'm pregnant and knackered atm. He also falls back asleep within 30 seconds of getting back into bed, whereas once I'm awake then I'm awake for 30 minutes or more.

Co-slept and BF'd - DD doesn't wake in the night unless she's unwell, thankfully.

However, I am the one who changes her nappy, helps brush her teeth, puts her in her pyjamas and takes her bed with me every night. (This could be seen as a chore but I get baby cuddles in return so think it's worth it...) We both work full time.

In your position, I'd want DH to take his turn getting up for baby. Alternate nights sounds like a fair starting proposition.

DD is 16 wks and Im on maternity leave. I get up in the night if DH has to work the next day. However, on Friday/Saturday nights he gets up. I'm fine with this.

As for the comment about sighing I find that utterly ridiculous. I love DD to bits but I often sigh when I hear her wake in the night. I sometimes even throw the duvet back in a huff and mutter "for the love of god"

If DH commented on this Id tell him to get up instead.

We are only human!!

My dp has always been the one to be honest.

We had 3 under 18 months(twins) so had to do the night feeds together. However when they got older dp always(and still does)got up as often I'd simply had a bellyful by bedtime.Being at home all day with 3 small children I was often physically and mentally knackered.

I have to admit it's grown into a habit and he still jumps up first.If they're ill we both do,wet beds I always did(as dp would be hours stripping beds etc) but general waking up Dp does.

They're 7,7 and nearly 6 so it's not often now.

I know I'm lucky.

I do up to 2 wakes a night, any more and I kick DH out. If he goes I usually lie awake anyway, and he has a lot more trouble settling DD than I do.

He does get up every morning though, and I lie-in until he goes to work. He has offered a night in a hotel, but I am scared he'll leave DD to cry, and I don't think I'd sleep anyway!

Oh and sighing (!) - you are a saint - during the Great Sleep Deprivation of summer 2010 I did punching pillows, weeping, swearing and throwing things around the room, so your DH should think himself incredibly lucky.

I not only sigh, but often hide under the duvet and hope dd/ds will get back to sleep on their own. DH has on occaison come back from work to find all three of us in tears following particularly bad nights.

With DC3 (10w) - Me. Always. Am bf anyway, and he only ever wakes for a feed. And DP genuinely does not hear him wake, anyway. Might start to nudge him a bit if his waking starts to be more than about simply feeding though...

DC2 rarely wakes

DC1 still calls out to be taken for a wee/wet bed sometimes. For this, I will give DP a rather large nudge. If I going to feed in the night, he can toilet in the night

I think his comment to you was very disrespectful. He obviously hasn't a clue what he's talking about.

I'm stunned he hasn't done any nights for you.

Pure selfishness and ignorance.

Go away for the weekend and make sure he has to cope on his own day and night. He might respect what you do a bit more then.

This is madness. The only way I got thru those early months with both my kids is that DP did Saturday night/ Sunday morning. It was law in our house. I can't believe yours hasn't offered just once, don't care if he is the PM. And if he mentions the sigh again, feel free to twat him one.

Until recently, I got up to DD (22 months) as she would only settle with a bf, tended to bring her into bed in the early hours so that I could get enough sleep. Then about 2 months ago we had some success with night weaning and DH got up with her, sleep improved all round. I also tended to kick him out for our older DS who wakes more rarely with a nightmare.

I can't believe your DH says he has a problem that you sigh when the baby wakes up! Of course you resent being woken up, you haven't had a decent nights sleep for over a year! He can help out on the nights he doesn't have to be up for work. We also take turns for lie-ins at the weekend, also nap at weekends (both our children were/are not good sleepers when under two)

it was always me, every single time but dh worked very long hours and I was a SAHM so I felt really it was my job in a way.

My XP never got up once in the night over the space of 2 years and 2 children. He refused to do it and he never helped in the mornings (he went straight out the door to work on a weekday and was in bed with a hangover at weekends).

So I have the king size bed all to myself these days, makes all the night-time and early morning wake ups a little more bearable.