Who gets up at night?

[spacetraveler]

I have been getting up at night(for the baby) EVERY night for 13 months, My husband told me yesterday that he has a problem with the fact that I sigh when the baby cries.

He thinks that I dread getting up and he has a problem with this (he is right I do dread it, because I am exhausted) . He says its the only thing he expects from me because I am at home with the baby, and he has to work. I don't have a problem with getting up most of the time, BUT I feel I am at a point where I am going to crack if someone doesn't help me.

Who gets up in your house do you take turns? Do you ever get a night off?

Dh....apart from b/f

The only thing he expects from you? Sounds like he also 'expects' you to be grateful he's not also asking you to keep the house spotless etc. (Could be me being grumpy here)

Him working is a fair argument if it's your first child as in most cases you can catch up on sleep a bit in the day, but he could surely get up at weekends, even just on one night to give you a break? You are in this together - or you should be! :)

We've always taken turns. I used to feel guilty about this because DH had to go and do a day's work after very little sleep sometimes.

But since I went back to work after a year I've had to come into the office and function on very few hours sleep on occasion and I have actually found it easier than being at home chasing after a lively toddler all day.

It obviously depends on your DH's job, if he's operating machinery it would be dangerous to try it after 3 hours sleep, doesn't stop him doing it at weekends though.

Meglet how's XP doing under the patio now? [hgrin]

My fulltime working DH (working 50-60 hour weeks, still!!) always took turns with me right from day one. Although my DD was formula fed. But even if I was feeding her, he'd get up and warm the bottle or hold her while I warmed it up. I was (am) so lucky. But then he knew what it was like to spend all day with her as he would look after her many Saturdays or Sundays as I "escaped" for a breather.

always me. For 14months now. I went back to work full time at 6 months- nearly killed me. Now 3 days a week. I get one morning off- saturday.

Ds gets up by 5am everyday. We used to co-sleep, but ds won't settle anymore, he just wants to crawl around and play with us.

I am not looking forward to the clocks going back!

I have been getting up every night for the last 4 1/2 years, every now and then this means just waking up to one child but more usually three times a night between the two of them. I am now seperated but even when together it was me always- actually once both DSs were being sick simultaneously so I screamed for help, but that was just one night in 4 years! I agree your DH is selfish!

DS2 is 15 months. He wakes 2/3 times a night . We both work. We do 2 days on/2 days off - have done since he was born. Neither of us can stand being without sleep for too long as we discovered with DS1, another erm, unsettled sleeper.

When I was off on mat leave I pretty much did it all as it was unfair to expect dh to do it when I could for a nap in the afternoon. He did give me a night off every so often when I had enough ebm stored up.

When I went back to work 3 days a week after ds I still did most of it as I could lie in and have a nap on my days off.

Now we're both working full time, he has been doing most of it as I have just started a new job. Once I've settled in we will take turns.

Oh and I would do far worse than sigh when being woken up by my kids!!!

When they were smaller it was me, as I bf, as they got bigger it's more him as they wake him up 1st, as I've learn't to sleep like a log (where as dh is a light sleeper) Hurrah!

With dd (10 months) I always wake up because she wants to be fed and doesn't settle for dh, but he gets out of bed, passes her over to me, sleeps for a bit then puts her back in the cot after.

With the older 2 dh usually gets up to them. dc1 rarely wakes in the night now and dc2 sometimes does but not excessively. If they are having a bad night then we take turns but that doesn't happen very often.

I do all nights, DH does none. DS is nearly 10 months and currently wakes 4-5 times on average (2-3 times in 'my' night). He often wants to be fed when he wakes.

DH is pretty supportive, though, and I do all night duty due to the bf, DH working (in evenings as well as daytime), and DH having had really bad insomnia in the past. He struggles to get back to sleep after being awake in the night, whereas I'm out like a light once DS is back off.

I think if I got to feeling like I'd crack, he'd volunteer for nights, though.

I'd ask your DH straight out for some short term help because you need to get to the point where you feel you can cope a bit better. Then you can decide whether / how to negotiate around a longer term solution.

What's with the "having a problem when you sigh" thing, is his issue that not only should you get up every time but you should do so cheerfully and uncomplainingly?

FWIW, we split wakeups now, but I did the majority until around 13 - 14 months, only because I was still breastfeeding on demand. Back then, though, if the wakeup came soon after the one before such that we thought it unlikely she was hungry, he'd do the wakeup - so we shared even then.

These days she's down to one per night, so each of us gets a sleep-through every second night, which is pure and utter heaven.

ExP was useless at getting up. It was only when i was at the end of my tether with a particularly bad run of night terrors that he offered to do a night shift. Prior he critised me about always being tired. Afterwards he did more night shifts so that i could have a good night sleep occasionally. He was still pretty crap and would make comments like your DH's re sighing when i had to get up. But other things interveened and he became ex. These days when ds visits him he gets to do the night shifts and he darent complain to me about being tired.

I bf for 12mths so for that time it was always me, however as soon as we night weaned and started to try to get him to sleep through, dh took over as he didn't smell of milk!

Now I feed the baby, he takes the toddler.

It's a partnership-your dh needs yo help yo save your sanity.

Oh, and I sigh, huff, swear, cry on a bad night. Who'd rejoice waking every 1.5-3 hrs for one or both of them, every night? I'm sorry but your dh is being unrealistic and unhelpful!

95% of the time it's me who gets up if DD wakes during the night - luckily she usually sleeps through now but for months that meant getting up several times a night. But anything after 5am I ignore and DP deals with (DD thinks 5-5.30 is the ideal time to start her day ). We agreed on that as DP really suffers if his sleep is interrupted but can manage on 5-6 straight hours sleep whereas I don't mind getting up in the night as long as I can lie in a bit the next day. It works for us most of the time but when we were going through a bad patch sleep-wise and DD was up several times every night for weeks DP would occasionally send me to the spare room with ear plugs and look after DD for the night so I could catch up on my rest (between feeds at least). I don't think it matters how you do things as long as it works for both of you but it sounds as though this really isn't working for you. Oh yes, and I would have strangled DP if he expected me to stop sighing and be happy about getting up during the night [hshock].

OP- your DH sounds very selfish. I would kick him into shape pronto.

We co-slept with DS up until he reached the age of 2yrs and now he sleeps in his own bed. Luckily he is a pretty good sleeper but if he does wake up, because I am pregnant, DP gets up to see to him. Sometimes, if I can't sleep due to just generally being uncomfortable then I will get up to see to him. If I wasn't pregnant then we would take turns, like we do when we get him ready for bed. It is a partnership and we both pull our weight.