If your parents hit you, do you class them as abusive? Where is the line?

[bintofbohemia]

Is all "physical discipline" abuse? Have just been pondering this as I know older members of my family who were probably subject to a fair amount of slapped legs or whacks with a hairbrush who wouldn't consider their parents as having been "abusive".

On the other hand, my father only hit me on two occasions, but I consider him to have been abusive. Just trying to get my head around it (for example when people find out that part of the reason for not having any more contact with my father is because he beat me up I don't expect much sympathy from certain parties.)

My mum smacked me as a child. I would never say she was abusive.

However, my father was and is no longer in my life. He would not just smack us once, he would smack so hard and so much for a minor thing that I remember once my mum sitting for hours with cool flannels on the marks to stop the crying. He would belittle me, be emotionally abusive. The big giveaway would be the fact he was also a wife beater - I remember him locking my mum in the conservatory to beat her and me desperately trying to beat down the door.

Sadly I seem to be the only one (other than my mother) who was subjected to it(or remmebers it) This means everyone else thinks my father wasnt abusive, I was just overreacting. Because he was a youth worker and school governer and looked after his mum when she had a hysterectomy

So no, not all physical punishment is abuse. But there is a line that can be crossed - and its very hard to tell when that is unless you are the one suffering it.

I was smacked quite hard and quite often and I did not have a happy childhood. No I do not feel it was abuse.

However I have never hit my children and feel I now have a poor relationship with my parents because of my childhood experience.

My mum would def lash out (to any bit she could reach) if pushed. My dad is really mild mannered and I was smacked by him twice. The first time was for a clear reason and my brother and I knew it was coming. Brother stuffed a copy of beano down his pj's to offer protection! Second time dad lost his temper (I was 17) i have never forgotten it and he was devastated afterwards. I would never say or think that either parent was abusive, we have a good solid relationship and I think it was a family of its time (I'm 35). The only thing that i do think is that it has made me more likely to lash out (very like my mum) if pushed and am determined not to pass this on to dd.

my mum used to smack us all regularly - i dont remember the average smack.

I do remember when it escalated to a slipper, then a hairbrush, then a leather dogs lead.

my mother was abusive at the point she decided that a hand was not enough.

My mother was physically and emotionally abusive - dragging us about, pulling hair, shouting and screaming til she frothed at the mouth, for pretty much nothing. It was just the way she is / was. The one time she belted me, in a very premeditated way, somewhere before the age of 10 / 11 I think, still sticks in my mind the most, esp since having own dc. Like BeenBeta and others, I have a difficult relationship with her and my father (he stood by) as I can't reconcile her parenting methods. She still terrifies me and I'm nearly 40.

I do find it worrying reading posts on other threads in the past where people who admit to shouting at their kids regularly and feel guilty about it, then make themselves feel better and get a false sense of security by saying "ds / dd still wanted a cuddle after I hit him / her, so I couldn't have been that bad". I think I was the same as a child - wanting cuddles even though I was being hit and shouted at - sometimes though you don't question your parents behaviour until you get older and realise its not normal and that's when you distance yourself from them.