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Original poster

Is it rude to take uninvited sibling to a party?

30 replies

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 13/10/2010 22:18

AAAGGGHHH - parenting is such a minefield of what you should/shouldn't do - I am so rubbish at knowing what is acceptable and what is frowned upon!

I am not having a panic because I have said yes to an invite for a party my 4 year old is attending - but I didn't check if it was OK to bring along my 10 mth old (hubby at work)!

I was just going to pay for baby at the door and hang about in the little toddler bit of the soft play area with her.

I am just so blooming naive about all this! What else will I do next! People seem to know, I never know and I HATE being rude!

I will have to call back the parent to check my plan is OK.

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lifeinagoldfishbowl · 13/10/2010 22:19

With a baby like that yes it will be fine - if the child was older and wanting to join in with the food etc then no.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/10/2010 22:20

It's the norm where I live to take your other children along to parties if your other half can't mind them and you can't get a babysitter. What else do people expect you to do with them?

Would the soft play place actually make you pay for a 10 month old?!?!? Thought they wouldn't charge for under a year.

meltedmarsbars · 13/10/2010 22:20

Yes, take the baby!!!! FGS who is going to turn a baby away at the door!?!

Hmm

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grapeandlemon · 13/10/2010 22:21

What you suggest doing is fine imo. It is when they are of an age where they want to actually join in and have a piece of the action is a no-no.

elphabadefiesgravity · 13/10/2010 22:21

If you are staying then I would say that no matter what type of party a babe in arms would be OK.

Also if a party is being held in a public venue without exclusive hire it is fine to pay for siblings to enter as long as food/party bags are not expected.

What is not fine is to bring much younger/older siblings to parties where there is a limit on numbers or space is at a premium or it is in a private house/exclusievley hired venue. Also any expectation on being able to take part is rude.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/10/2010 22:24

I disagree, lifeinagoldfishbowl. I've had to take my older-than-a-baby along to birthday parties at soft play etc and I just pay for his entry and make it clear to him that he is not really an official party guest but can go off and play but won't be getting a party bag etc. I would also make sure I bought him a drink and something to eat while the "official" party guests are having their food and he has sat on my knee where I'm sitting.

Original poster
AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 13/10/2010 22:26

Thanks - I had hoped everyone would say it was OK because it seems a bit daft otherwise. I totally get that the baby cannot join in the party and eat the food.

I will have to remember the rule when my children are older and sort out childcare before saying he can go.

OP posts:
NoahAndTheWhale · 13/10/2010 22:27

I've been to a few soft play parties recently and people have brought siblings, paid for their entry and they then haven't had food/party bags etc. You don't really notice in amoungst the joy that is soft play :)

sugarbea · 14/10/2010 14:22

I's still ask...I took my 9 month old to one of ds's friends parties but i asked the mum first.....Mainly because ds's party this year was at a soft play and 2 parents bought siblings one younger and one older that I ended up paying for. I'm sure it will be fine but I would still just have a quiet word with the mum.

alfabetty · 14/10/2010 14:26

I always take both of my children, and pay for the non-invited one (entry and food). Wouldn't take them to a private house without checking first, though, but there's always of the option of dropping off in someone's home, whereas you can't leave a child unattended in a public soft play area.

I always do a few extra party bags for siblings who turn up unannounced for my DCs parties though, costs pennies and means everyone leaves happily!

Karoleann · 14/10/2010 14:39

Personally, I think you should call and ask first. I wouldn't just turn up uninvited. I'm sure a 10 month old would be okay, but you need to check first.

littlebylittle · 14/10/2010 15:00

Best to check first. DD's party was exclusive use of place and had maximum number of children. So I had factored in siblings because not everyone can get a babysitter, nor would everyone's child stay with someone else, but appreciated the people who asked as could be sure about numbers. Also did them a mini party bag! I would avoid it if I could but it's def not always possible. Courtesy to let host know and make it clear that they won't need to eat.

zapostrophe · 14/10/2010 15:10

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Pinkjenny · 14/10/2010 15:19

My dd has 4 (!) parties this week, and I have checked with each and every host. All of them have said it's fine for 10mo ds to go along.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/10/2010 16:55

sugarbea: "siblings that I ended up paying for" Shock How on earth did that happen?! There's no way I would have done that, they can bloody well pay for themselves if they're not invited!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/10/2010 17:02

I honestly don't get why people are saying they should ask before they take a sibling to a party at a non-exclusive soft play place. As long as the sibling doesn't try and eat the party food without being offered it, and doesn't expect party bags then it's no-one else's business whether a parent brings and pays for a sibling to play in the place.

Littlebylittle, I can understand it would be courtesy to ask if you can bring a sibling to an exclusive event at a soft playplace or in someone's house, but please tell me that you didn't pay for the entry of the siblings that came along?

minxofmancunia · 14/10/2010 17:15

10 month old baby is fine, anywhere. 18m+(ish) is fine at play centres as long as the parent pays for them and they don't eat the food or expect a party bag. Older than 2 at someones house is NOT acceptable.

At dds 4th birthday party recently no less than 4 children turned up with their siblings. Who proceeded to eat the food, play on the bouncy castle and rampage round the house. I was Angry. One mum even attempted to leave the invitee and the sister but I made it clear this wasn't acceptable. I also had to v embarrassingly deny the non invitees party bags as I only had a set amount.

littlebylittle · 14/10/2010 18:35

We didn't have to pay for the siblings, it was an all in rather than per head price, hence being so relaxed about it. Was a bit surprised when people asked for party bags for uninvited siblings that they hadn't checked about, but was prepared with a few extra bits and pieces. There's a difference between how I would treat guests at a do I was organising and how I would expect my children to be treated - ie I would try to avoid taking siblings, ask first, cover costs and not take any goodies.

Ripeberry · 14/10/2010 18:44

I did once do the 'rude' thing by bringing my then 6yr old to her friends party and I had my 3yr old with me.

I was going to just pay for the 3yr old to come into the softplay, but the hostess totally jumped on me and said that my child could NOT come and have food, even though it was a buffet anyway and two of the guests had left before.

They wanted to parents to be present, but not everyone has a partner to dump the second or third child onto!

littlebylittle · 14/10/2010 18:50

Then the host was rude too - works both ways and I think actually people make quite a lot of effort to go to parties, buy gift etc and that shouldn't be taken for granted either. Not everyone has baby sitters on tap - we have no local grandparents and I feel bad asking friend to look after ds for the sake of a party. But I stand by the idea that it is good manners to check first. My number was on invite and still some arrived without RSVP and sibling in tow. I had assumed they were coming though and welcomed them - that's manners on my part I think.

Appletrees · 14/10/2010 18:51

sounds fine but why would you stay anyway

PixieOnaLeaf · 14/10/2010 18:54

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Hulababy · 14/10/2010 18:58

People should always check first especially if they want their child to actually join in with the party or eat food.

Babies are different as they won't be eating and playing anyway, so wouldn't even phone to check about a baby.

Toddlers - bring own food and snacks and things to entertain him/her. Don't let the toddler go running about the party unless invited to do so. Probably no need to call.

Older children (regardless of age of party child) - as toddlers, but if you want them to be party of party you must phone firs.

Soft play - only invited child should be party of the party and eating the party food unless host syas otherwise. Otherwise, like before - bring or buy own foodfor non invited child, pay for their entry and entertain them. But check it is not exclusive hire first - if it is then you may not be able to sign the non invited child in.

sugarbea · 14/10/2010 19:36

CurlyhairedAssassin

I paid per person...:( I had paid a deposit at the start and then everychild coming for ds's party put their name down on a list in reception which is the other end of the soft play until the party room...I should have realised when there was extra food when they took a break to eat. I found out at the end.! Not very happy.!! But at risk of my son being socially excluded (I don't really have a softly softly approach) I kept my mouth shut by wish of both ds and oh....

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/10/2010 19:45

LittlebyLittle: "Was a bit surprised when people asked for party bags for uninvited siblings that they hadn't checked about" They asked for party bags for uninvited siblings?!??! Shock I've heard everything now! I can't believe how RUDE some people are these days! I think you were very gracious to have prepared some spare ones for the ill-mannered parents!

And again, sugarbea: Shock That's terrible, how bloody rude some people are! I really am flabbergasted at people's bad manners and lack of bloody thought for others. The fact that you only found out at the end meant that you didn't even have any opportunity to ask the parents for the entry for the uninvited siblings, as I would have done if someone uninvited had put their name down on MY list! We are having a soft play party for my eldest son in December - have booked and paid deposit already but I think I am going to ask the staff how they are going to make sure that I only pay for invited guests!!