if you have 3 or more children help me make my mind up on having my 3rd!

[neverlookback]

Hi Help im going out of my mind trying to decide if we should have another baby,im 31 and dp is 42, i have dd1 who is just 5 and just started school, she is from my previous marriage. and we have ds1 who is almost 2 and due to start nursery in nov 3 morn a week, im a sahm which i like most of the time but do feel very isolated and quite bored sometimes, i feel like im skiving off work and that people think less of me for not working sometimes. we are financially secure and have a large enough house.
My children a full on but fantastic although ds was a nightmare baby and i did find adjusting to 2 children quite hard, but now its all good. Dp would love another child and i understand what that feels like to want 2 as this is what i was like before i had my son, but as i now have 2 the urge is not as strong because im a bit anxious of if ill be able to cope with 3 under 6 and god its so stressfull at times, and dp works long hours sometimes so i do pretty much everything and just as our lifes are getting a bit settled we are going to start all over again, but im in the perfect position, i dont have to work, will have some free time to myself to rest while im pregnant and i know that after the first 6 months it does get easier.
Any advice on what its like going from 2 to 3?
i do want to but i do also feel like i would be mad too.

anyone want to help me make up my mind for good???
im a really indecisive person and i totally over anaylyse everything!

maryz, I think you are spot on with that theory!

I went from having 2 to 4, but the theory still stands. So glad I had twins as number 3&4...

I had a, unplanned, 3rd child recently. He is now 4 months old. My older ones are 3.10 and 5. I found the first few months hard because when you drag a newborn around everywhere with you they tend to get a bit cranky. Finding time to breastfeed was hard too. But he is now 4 months and I find it easy-peasy. The older ones help entertain the baby and now that he can engage a bit more he is just happy to sit and watch.

So yes, I agree with maryz from about 3 months onwards.

thanks for that lovely post maryz, god i wish i was ovulating right now!!
yeah i think i will go for it, i know deep down everything will be fine im just such a worrier!!!

u have all put my mind at rest with your posts, keep them coming so i dont change my mind again!!!

Umm. I have 3. The older two were 5.7 and 2.10 when ds2 was born. Yes, he is laid-back and fitted in. I didn't have to entertain him as a baby - he sat in his bouncy chair and watched the other two play. And I didn't have to put him down for naps - he had those in the pram on the school runs. Up to a point, it was just more of the same, easy.

But then he started to walk. And talk. And I find that 3 children has tipped the balance from copable to chaos. With 2 children you have a hand for each. At the weekends you have a parent per child - divide and conquer! Or one of you can take both kids out and it doesn't seem like too much work, and the other gets a break. Doesn't happen like that with 3. 3 feels like relentless bloody hard work in a way that 2 never did. 3 children all competing for my attention at 3:15 - aagh!

OTOH, they all have someone to play with - when one child wants to be by themselves for a bit, there is always another sibling. And when they're all playing happily together I remember why I had 3!

It costs more than you'd think though. No more 1-night stopovers all squeezed into one cheapo hotel room. Holiday cottages for 6 cos you aren't allowed to squish into a 4-bed. Don't even think about the cost of 5 plane seats. You might find you need a bigger car. Getting the grandparents to have all 3 for the weekend could be tricky. And the logistics of it! Yesterday I had to go to a nursery school open day for ds2, a middle school open day for dd, and get ds2 to school.

But this is all irrelvant. How would you both feel in 5 years time if you hadn't had another? People rarely regret the child they had, but the one they didn't have is another matter.

I had 3 in 3 years - intentionally! The aim was to get the nappy stage over with quicker

Maryz gets it right and Fruitful's last sentence says a lot.

I have 3 but with a big age gap (7 years) between no2 and no3, which makes it a bit easier I guess. Not sure I could have coped with them all under 6. It all works out pretty well during term time, but school holidays are a bit of a nightmare. Why not wait a while and see how you feel in a few years? You're so young. On the other hand, you sound like you're ready to go for it .

fruitful, these are all the things that im worrying about and what make me unsure, god i know its going to be bloody hard work but just like you say at the end what if i dont do it and then do regret it later, no one would ever regret having a child really would they even though they drive you round the bend at times!!! haha i say that after being up twice in the night with ds then he woke everyone up at 6 and would not go back to sleep so dd tired and didnt want to go to school blah blah blah

Mimsy its now or never that much i have made my mind up on, dp is 42 so doesnt really want to get any older and still be having babies! and i want to eventually get back into work before i give up altogether!!

thanks for you posts, really helpful x

Wait, im still in stitches at maytz....."they live on bananas and smarties"..........

oh god this is my constant headache - will I wont i have a third?

I had loads of probs with first PG...

Placenta previa
bleeding
High AFP
reduced blood flow to womb
Group B Strep
Odemea
High blood pressure
Water broke at 36.6 weeks, bled heavily then one emerg C section later DS was born healthy!
He had bad reflux and still has it at 3.5yrs.

PG with DD was fine but waters broke at 36.3 weeks, had group B Strep so anti B's and she was born naturally at 36.6 also.

Also had/has bad reflux.

I also ended up with an under active thyroid which I still have.

Between my natural ability to PANIC and stress anyway, bad reflux etc I suffered/still suffer from anxiety.

BUT....I want another, I am mad aren't I?

Tell me not to, talk me out of it. Id be no good with the extra stress and im 34 this weekend so you'd be talking 35/36 yrs old and with my PG history, maybe not good. Right?

But they are so yummy scrummy babies and I always wanted 3.....

neverlookback sorry, what was the question again....

I also want a third but I'm not sure. I'm 36 now so maybe I won't have the energy?
My DD is 9 and Ds is 18 months so I won't have 3 pre-school. DD is a great help but I'll have less time to pay her the attention she deserves.

I don't want to regret not having 3 though!

Am 39, have DD1 (4.5), DS (2.7) and DD2 (5 wks) is feeding on me now. Tis lovely. Am knackered but I was with 2.

Maryz your post made me cry (happy tears).

As I said to DP the other night - 'just imagine if we had decided not to go for no. 3 - we wouldn't have DD2!'.
I just feel complete.

wow meltedmarsbars, 3 in 3 years now you must be mad or superwoman!! hats off to you x
its such a bloody big decision, my pregnancy were fine, bit of spd with 2nd and both 2 weeks late, was induced with ds and he was 10lb3! but they said if i have another they will induce me on my due date.
im constantly tired, and rarely get a full nights sleep but im used to it. I think we will go for it, i know i wont regret it once its reality its just such a hard decision when you know whats coming and how hard it can be but also the best thing in the world.

Mad, probably!

I got preg easily and had easy births, so it was no real problem.

I also have 3 DD1(5), DD2(3) DS(1). I found having a 3rd was in some respects easier than jumping from one to two. My DD's play together quite a bit so it meant that I actually had quite a bit of time with DS. I never had this with DD2 as DD1 was always wanting my attention. Also, the older siblings do entertain DS. By number 3 you are also more chilled out about what to do.

I sometimes do feel a bit sad that DS is dragged around all the time whilst I take DD's to School\pre-school and various clubs etc. But he is a happy little chap and very laid back. Like others have said other things become a touch harder - grandparents won't take all three, need for a bigger car and holidays that are now really expensive but I am so glad we had DS. I would have regretted not having no 3.

Has been absolutely brilliant.

DD was 6 and 2 months and DS1 almost exactly 4 when DS2 was born.

They've been fantastic. DD felt a little pushed out initially but is much closer to dh as a result and I do try to spend time just with her.

It's been the making of DS. - he's obviously matured over the last year anyway, but he suddenly seemed much less anxious and introverted when DS2 was born. I think he naturally finds being centre of attention or singled out difficult. He's no longer the youngest, and whereas before he would run and hide when grandparents and so on were questioning him or giving him full-beam attention, now they are more chilled, he has come out of his shell a bit.

With regards to day to day stuff, he's been out with me on the school run since he was born. Initially sleeping on the way there and back. Now doesn't sleep, but happy to be fussed over by DD's friends. For the first year DS1 was still at home 2 and a bit days a week as was at pre-school. Now he is at school full time.

DS2 meanwhile is the jolliest smiliest baby. He loves his older siblings, and they are exceptionally good with him - yes they get annoyed when he wrecks their lego, but not aggressive or cross. He makes them laugh. And they're great at making him laugh too.

The only things that bother me (well, not bother, but that make me think my goodness, is easier with 2 close in age) are things like potential holidays. We're putting off the big adventure holidays we were thinking about until he's older, which is a shame for the older 2. Would like to go skiiing, but would like all of us to be able to ski or at least try - hard to do when one can't walk yet. And of course, so many family tickets for attractions and things are really only for 2 adults and 2 children.

But I can honestly say that it was the best decision we ever made.

Oh Fruitful! PLease tell me it isn't so and it isn't all going to go to pot when he's walking!

I do admit also (when not misty-eyed about the loveliness of it) to worrying about how the hell I'm going to get three children to do homework/tidy up after themselves.

Also it can be pretty bloody loud in this house as they all seem to compete to be making the biggest noise.

DH and I have decided to have a 3rd. I said when we got married I wanted a family of 3, then had DS and DD in quick succesion (11 months between them) and chenged my mind! Now that they are 4 and 5 now I have gradually come back round to the idea of another and think we are going to start trying next year.

I always like the idea of having a bigger family, being an only child myself

Because just when you think you've seen it all, heard all number 3 comes along like a whirlwind and shakes it all up again

No 3 has to fit in with life from the start, I was definitely more relaxed with number 3,

now I'm wondering about no4 really don't want to regret not having no4 but I am enjoying the feeling of all my dcs can wash, dress themselves etc at the min but would love to see what other little personality we could add into the mix

maryz it's not really the PG as such, just the fear something goes wrong.

Also, that Im not great under pressure, get stressed easily and don't want to put that on the kids I have IYSWIM.

Just don't think Im cut out for 3 even though I wish I was.

I could eat my 10 month old DD though (in a nice way !!

I wonder is it the work thing along with all the other things to consider that is influencing you? I'm a part timer and have two dd's and spent a while considering having a 3rd. I'm more or less convinced and we are ttc.

I do find that people pass judgements about being sahm as they do being p/t or f/t mums. Is it that now you have a wincy bit more time to yourself that you are letting those judgements/guilt feelings get to you and feel you need to go for a third straight away?

One of my consideraions is that with a 3rd I would probably give up my work and sometimes I'm wondering if I'm using a 3rd baby to justify giving up work and becoming a sahm as I now wish I hadn't gone back p/t but feel now I have I should stick it out.

I do worry that if I were to have a third and become a sahm I would find it very difficult to re-enter the jobs market especially as no job allows you to juggle dcs very easily with school hols etc.

I've decided to go for it as the want for a 3rd keeps niggling at me and I can't afford to procrastinate as I am 40!

sneakapeak i worry too about something going wrong, or being wrong with the baby, i have two healthy happy children and i do worry im pushing it wanting a 3rd.

Shandybass, yeah your right, now dd is at school and ds starting nursery i feel like i have to either get a job or have this 3rd baby, i feel like people think im lazy for not working too!! when really being a sahm is really hard work and you dont get paid for it!!!and i do want to earn my own money and have a life outside this house, i think working really helps self worth, well it does me anyway, but we also need to do it now as dp is 42 and he has said he doesnt want to still be having babys when he is late 40's we do plan on getting our lives back a bit one day!
Im going to go for it these posts have made me make my mind up and you have reminded me of how amazing babies and children are, im really excited, just hope i get pregnant quickly, dd was unplanned, ds got pregnant 1st month of trying so fingers crossed, ive worked out i should be ovulating last week in month and were going on holiday to tenerife so fingers crossed with laid back holiday mood ill get pregnant!!! just got to work out how to have sex when were all in 1 room!!! always the bathroom, or even the balcony if i was really drunk!!! haha (only joking dont think im that daring).