How do I get them in bed by 7.30?

[Fluffymonster]

Hi

We find it next to impossible to get our 18mth and 3.5yr old, in bed at a reasonable hour! They currently go to bed ('lights out') at 8.30pm, after a bath and stories etc.

The evening goes roughtly like this:
6pm - home from nursery, play in lounge together.
6.45pm - dinner is ready. They eat it at a snail's pace.
7.30pm-7.45pm - Upstairs for teeth brushing, bath
8.15-8.30pm - Stories

Neither of them gets enough sleep, but the oldest needs it more, as she has bags under her eyes. I'd like to move bedtime to 7.30pm - but it seems like an impossible dream! Any ideas?

No need to bath every night in my opinion. It just adds half hour to the routine.

Think it's all about organisation, which I totally understand is easier said than done.

Sure someone will be along with younger DC than mine to say how to do it

Could you have a shorter dinner prep, so eat by 6.30, set time limit on eating, they are prob too tired to eat at much at that time. So upstairs by 7pm Skip bath if late, unless dirty. Tell them if not in bed by 7.15, no story?

As VoD said. Very late for young DC to eat, and maybe they need help shovelling it in. Definitely put a time limit on eating, and plan to be up by 7.15 at latest.

Do they eat at nursery? If so, they don't need a "dinner" before bed (and they sound like they are too tired to eat it).
In at 6, tea at 6.10 (toast/cereal/soup etc), bath at 6.45, stories at 7.
Job done

I used to get back at 5.45, tea/ supper (had had tea at nursery) at 6pm, upstairs at 6.30 for a wash, teeth clean, stories & bed
Left his room at 7.15

On our late days we used to have a snack supper that they will eat quickly (little sandwich & yoghurt or beans on toast) and aim to be going up for bath at 6.45. We didn't always hit 7.30 for bed but usually not too far after. Then you can cook/eat for yourself afterwards.

What time do they get up? And have naps etc?

DS is 2 now and there's no way I'd get him into bed by 7.30 if he has slept at all after 2pm, more like 9 or 10. I tend to get him to bed at about 8/8.30 if he's had a nap in the day at all, if not it's closer to 7. He gets up at 7 or 8am at the moment. The time he's been up in the morning does have a huge effect on his sleep at night.

But, he does have tea at 5, sometimes even 4.30 if he's flagging in the afternoon. He goes to a childminder part time while I study and the latest time I ever pick him up is 4.45/5pm ish so he has tea later on those days, usually something quick like beans on toast, because he's knackered and can't stay awake (if I put him in front of telly) or keep safely occupied while I make it otherwise. (Am a single parent so nobody to watch him) That said he plays up more at bedtime on the days he's been out all day, I guess because he hasn't seen me much. Actually so far I've been so knackered I've fallen asleep with him

I don't do bath every night, mainly because he still soaks the bathroom. He gets bathed twice a week. I've just started adding bedtime stories into the routine and this seems to calm him down a lot. Most nights I seem to spend about 20 minutes reading to him though before he asks for milk (at which point I turn the light out and he usually goes to sleep while feeding)

Trying changing the order you do things in and playing last.
Feed them as quickly as possible when you arrive home - stuff that can be ready in less than ten minutes like egg on toast or cold food like chicken pieces - doesn't have to be cooked to be healthy.

Get them upstairs as early as possible, into PJs and teeth cleaned before they get too tired. Only bath them if they wet the bed - once or twice a week did my boys (used baby wipes for muddy knees!).

THEN you have time for playing, talking and reading stories in the bedroom - happy family time with everything ready for lights out as soon after 7pm as possible.

You get more of an evening and they get more sleep. A lot of children's behavioural problems and tantrums are exacerbated by being tired.

Good luck

6pm - home from nursery. Everything calm. Children choose one book each for bedtime story.

6.20 - Eat. Help them.

6.30 - Right, that's nearly the end of dinner. Mummy's going to give you 5 minutes to finish while I get your milk and then it's upstairs to bed.

6.35 - Well done everyone. Lets go upstairs.

No need for proper bath. Dunk if necessary, or quick swoosh with the shower.

6.50 - In pyjamas. Drink milk while having stories.

7.10 - Teeth

7.15 - lights out and settle down to sleep.

We were always much later than 7.30 - more like 9 but mine didn't seem to need the sleep. If you get home from nursery at 6 actually I don't think it's unreasonable for the children to spend two and a half waking hours with their parents and at home.

agree with onceamai

Get a slow cooker or prepare the meal in the morning/night b4. I adore my slow cooker and simply throw food into it in the morning to have ready made stew/sausage cassarole/spag bol/curry etc when we arrive back at tea time. For desperate odd instant food nights we use smoked macherel,tinned tuna, cous cous, houmous, very basic salad, cheese, scrambled eggs, cold chicken legs, beans etc..

Give them half an hour to eat and if they have time they can have a yogurt or pudding within that half hour period. Stop eating after half an hour.

Can you time everything. So 15 mins for bath, 15 mins to get changed/wind down and 15 mins reading with milk. Teeth.

I actually only bath mine Tuesdays, Thursdays and once at weekends. They also clean their teeth in the bath!

Lots of studies say that children need a good amount of sleep to achieve fully and function well in school. A few of my friends don't put their children down till 9 or 11 and as a result have exhausted grumpy non-cooperative children with eye bags. They struggle to get up in the mornings too. I try to be very firm about bed times but it is hard I agree.

Thank you for your replies so far - I know it's a matter of organisation, and I will have a proper read of the suggestions later.

Probably trying to do 'everything' - i.e. bathing, eating a cooked meal as a family, trying not to rush them when they just want to spend time with us etc. But while it used to go a lot smoother and quicker, my eldest daughter now knows all the delaying tactics and strings the process out longer, and if we hurry her, she throws a tantrum, which is also a regular occurance in the evening. Self perpetuating cycle - overtired, more obstinate, more delays, more tantrums, even later to bed.

Only the youngest naps, 1.5-2hrs in the afternoon - the oldest gave up naps at nursery months and months ago, and though we used to be able to persuade her to nap on 'home' days, she mostly stays awake now. But can't last til her current bedtime, without getting very grumpy, hence I know she needs the sleep.

Sorry not want you want to hear but if you want them in bed earlier you have to start earlier. When mine were that age they had dinner at 5pm or so, then a play for a bit then start baths etc at 6pm.

I know this is difficult for you as you're not getting home with them till 6pm. You could do as Yuno suggests about but imo, if they've been out all day they probably won't want dinner-bath-stories-bed as soon as they come in. Most people (including children!) need to unwind a bit first. Trying to get them to do all these things one after the other as soon as they come home will probably result in more stress.

Are they at nursery till 6pm every day? If not, how does it go on the other days? Is there any way you could change your hours so you get home earlier?

If you want them in bed etc you need to teach your daughter her delaying tactics don't work - and that there are no sanctions ie no story etc.

DH and I are both home with 2 year old DS at 4pm. We play, sometimes go out to the park or feed the ducks or library and then have the evening meal, bath, teeth, stories and bed. It feels like just barely the right amount of time. He's in bed by 7pm. 7.30pm some nights. He has a 2 hour nap at the cm (3 hours if he's able to).

If I got home at 6pm, I'd feel rushed as well. Is there any way that you could get home earlier? I appreciate that it's not always possible, but it's the only suggestion I have... sorry, not much help!

Someone already suggested changing your routine, could you get them into jim-jams while the tea is on (quick wash with flannel/wipes unless they really need a bath) and then a quick tea, even if they haven't had a 'proper' tea something like beans on toast with a side of broccoli is still a very nutritional tea for them, and then perhaps read 1 story downstairs while sat cuddling and drinking milk, then upstairs for teeth and another story.
This way they're getting a bit of downstairs time but they won't realise it's part of their bedtime routine.
Definately deal with the delay tactics, we use 'losing the stories' as a punishment for deliberate delays or tantrums and it really does work, as long as you stick to it and don't allow the tantrum that may follow the loss of the story to take much longer than it would have to have just read the story. Not sure if that made sense!

The slow cooker idea is great (I haven't got one, really must!) so I often cook something the evening before for tomorrow's tea. I tell myself it tastes better after a night in the fridge.

x

I sympathise - we spent the past year in a similar routine. It was about 6.30pm by the time we got home and they were in bed at a similar time to yours, and they were similar ages a year ago. I found it really tough tbh.

But I agree with the poster about the 'winding down' session when they get in from nursery. Mine definitely needed that (and I did too actually).

What are your mornings like? Do you need to leave very early?

I also agree with the posters who say they don't need to a full on meal in the evening if they have had a cooked lunch. Bread, bits of salad stuff, salami, cheese etc - those sorts of things are very easy to put quickly on the table and eat.

Mine also have a shower rather than a bath as it's much quicker (they only have showers now actually but that's because we don't have a bathtub!)

The sanity- and time-saver for me is that my daughter's childminders provide two good meals a day - lunch at 12pm and dinner at 4.45pm. It means that when I get home with DD (2.4 years old) at 6pm I can follow this routine:

6pm to 6.30pm play time at home or if a bath night (twice a week and once at weekends) then bath. She's been playing all day at daycare so really 30 mins home time play is fine for her. Most of the time she simply wants to chill out.

6.30pm: Warm milk, upstairs to change nappy and into bed clothes, stories and milk by 6.45pm, teeth then straight into bed for 7pm. Asleep already by this time or soon after.

As you can see, by not having dinner at home she can be home at 6pm and in bed by 7pm.

I'd love for her to be able to push her bedtime to 7.30pm so I can spend more time with her but she's too shattered and so it wouldn't be fair on her.

How many meals does your nursery provide? If lunch is the main meal there, could they not provide a quick supper/tea for her around 5pm or could you provide it to them to give to her?

Or maybe give the bath (I believe in a bath every day, too - but nothing wrong with not doing it) when they get in for 10-15 mins and into PJs then play a bit, eat, teeth and bed?

Get a slowcooker so your meals are ready when you get in at least a couple of nights a week.
Only bath on slow-cooker nights when you'll have a little more time. Or introduce showers as a quicker and more fun alternative. Get them fun shower caps to wear etc.
Can they share a story on nights you're running late so you do one rather than two? Again, sell this to them as a treat - oooh, you both get to snuggle on (oldest child's) bed tonight for a story!

Agree with starExpat. We do baths (not every day) before bed - possibly not the most sensible way round - but it means we can all sit down for a family meal together which suits us...
6ish home - put dinner on - up for bath & pjs - 6:45ish dinner - story downstairs while clearing up - 7:30 teeth & one story in bed.
...I wont mention the days when we are up and down the stairs for the next hour but hey!

Agree with others - get them into their pj's before giving them their supper. This really speeds the bedtime routine along, I find.

Stop bathing every day. Do you have time in your morning routine to do morning baths instead? If not then, on the evenings you need to bath them, do a quick and easy tea (boiled eggs and soldiers is bath night tea in this house). So arrive home, quick tea 10 minutes after getting in, and then straight into the bath. Playtime in the bath instead of before tea.