Angry rant about feeding 2yo DD, so fucking fed up

[titferbrains]

GRRRRR

have just done energetic mopping of kitchen floor to get rid of rage but am still angry and fed up.

DD had illness as a baby, so I had a lot of anxiety around feeding her, making sure she was full, being judged by others who saw her "eat" and her weight during illness and recovery.

My problem is I don't know how to let go of my anxiety about her not eating enough - FOR ME. I have read all about this and I know that she should dictate how much and when and that all I do is provide the food but I am no good at it.

She has eaten a few bites of fish pie with extra milk and sweetcorn mixed in, and then one raspberry covered in creme fraiche.

My other issue is that I HATE waste and so I struggle with throwing away so much. Feeding children is just a monstrous waste of money, food, effort, calories, produce. I love my DD so much but this aspect of parenting is totally maddening. We visited a family this summer whose 9 month old child eat more and faster than my 2 year old daughter.

I just need to get over this and I do not know how.

Please hug or slap me about the chops and tell me to get a hold of myself.

"Do you just have a number of dishes you know your DC will eat and you just keep serving them all the time?" yup - because thats how I eat during the week as I can;t be arsed/don;t have time to be trotting out different meals every week. So pretty much its spag bol, sausage and mash fish in batter and chips and beans (as a treat), fish in butter sauce with something, lasagne.

She isn;t going through a "phase of being pickier" she's phobic about strong/bitter foods and also phobic of new foods because thats the way preschoolers are designed to be to stop them eating poisonous stuff.

DS doesn't like cake much and not hugely keen on baked beans.

Just give her what she'll eat as long as its not rubbish and expand her foods back out in a year or two - I really haven;t found that approach difficult. At 5 DS will now eat mild curries and carrots (Yay!)

"I don't want to stop discovering what she likes." and her tastes will change!

Have you tried cous cous as a carb?

i'd hate to have someone put food in my mouth if i'd said i didn't want it, personally. can i ask if you are still spooning at all? she's two, most kids seriously dial back their choices at that age (it's possibly something to do with this being the time of a second child plus increased mobility equals little cave baby going to eat poisonous berries - if little cave baby will only eat pasta then he's not going to kill self by accident).

i do think you need to unclench about this, it's just food, it's not the end of the world. and crucially, it DOESN'T reflect on you and your cooking.

Have you tried saving veggie juice (from boiled or steamed vegies) and blending that with other things (like pastry, or juice in a beaker)? Or blenderising vegies and mixing them in (just a little) to things she will eat? I always reckoned those were ways to keep their palates used to different flavours.

You say you struggle with your weight? In that case can you see how important it is that your daughter learns to respect her own appetite and only eat what she wants and to leave food if he does't want it? I think this is a great gift to give a child, more important than making them a foodie at two. She is lean, yes, but children are supposed to be lean, and it will benefit her health long term. Give her less food and let her ask for more if she wants it.

Sorry, haven't read all of the posts as in a hurry, but replacing dairy is EASY! :)

Fats: avocado, nut butters, seeds, various oils
Calcium: brocolli, leafy green veg, almond, tofu, even white bread!

Don't forget, there's soya, almond or oat milk (wouldn't recommend rice milk for a young child; plenty of dairy-free margarines, including 'Pure' and 'Vitalite', soya yogurts, puddings, creams, custards etc - Alpro are good.

I'll reply properly if you wish, later.

Sorry, I meant "broccoli"!

I feel for you, I found feeding my dd one of the hardest parts of parenting.

However, I would echo other posters that you should prioritise eating dinner, and all meals if you're at home during the day, with your DD, over eating with your DH.
Your DH is certainly old enough to eat alone, and while it's good for your relationship to eat with your partner, you can still sit and have a drink or snack with him if you're not hungry then.
Make sure you eat as a family at weekends.

I think being stared at while you eat your meals must be very off-putting (and I'm guilty of this!), and also eating alone is unnatural.

Perhaps try concentrating on the social aspects of eating rather than the content of the meals: you love food and she'll pick that up for sure. Eat and chat with her at mealtimes in the same way you would with friends and your DH. Just make sure it's only you on the wine!

Good luck.

Sorry, just read back and think my phrase 'eating alone is unnatural' reads a bit strange... wrote too quickly, hope you understand what I'm getting at.

I think eating together is one of the nicest things humans can do together.

ok so gave her pasta with some meatballs and tom sauce (nigella recipe) and some mangetout. Did not pass any comment on her eating, sat with her and ate a tiny bit of the same pasta from a small melamine bowl for solidarity

She ate a good portion and most of the veg, having dunked them in her water cup and poured the remaining water over the table. And then threw the cup on the floor. I drew the line at attempting to throw a bean at me for laffs. (I don't know where I summon my scary face from when she is trying to make me laugh...) SOOOO
thank you for all your lovely posts.

Aitch, I do try not to spoon feed and but often do so "to start her off". Am very aware that it's best to leave them to it, as seen tonight!

Off to do some vague menu planning for dinners for the rest of the week....

Hi - I just remembered something that made a huge difference to my DS's appetite around 2yo and it may be worth a try - I was concerned about his lack of iron because he was eating v little. At my mum's suggestion I gave him minadex for 2 weeks or so. It seemed to increase his appetite hugely and the habit of eating more seemed to continue even after I stopped giving it to him. Certainly won't hurt her if you can get her to take it (I struggle with vitamin supplements and my stubborn 2yo DD)!

TFB that sounds like a total success then, no? Great news.

Hey Titferbrains - I reckon a 2 yr old is challenging in ALL ways let alone meal times... I wouldn't get too hung up about the situation - she is clearly eating what her body is telling her she needs. I find with my DD 5yr old and DS 3 yr old, if I get myself a sandwich to eat 'peacefully' after their mealtime they hover around me like vultures..... There's something especially nice about someone else's food. If they were reluctant to eat pudding I will get a big bowl of it as it I am going to eat it and, hey presto - THEY want some....! Works in our house...Good luck. Oh, and you deserve a hug, not a slap :)

Hello,
Coming in late to this discussion... I am (or at least, I used to be) a real foodie too, so had high hopes that my baby would be one of those chidren one hears about (do they really exist?) that guzzle down all sorts of exotic foods from the word go.

Sadly it was not to be. DD, now 2, is not exactly picky but she does know what she likes and what she doesn't like - or doesn't feel like - eating. It takes a real effort on my part not to get frustrated when she doesn't want to eat something I've prepared but I try to respect her appetite.

As for eating boring/samey foods all the time, we have a repertoire of "set" dishes that I know she'll guzzle down, so I try and alternate these with new/different foods.

So one night it'll be pasta with her fave tomato sauce, and the next day it might be rice with spicy stir fried veg to get her used to some new flavours.

I don't expect her to eat the new foods straight away though. Usually I have to serve said food/dish up a good few times before she'll actually tuck into it properly.

So though it's tempting to experiment with new things all the time, I think it's important to give them a chance to get used to stuff.

Also, I try and make sure there's at least one familiar thing on the plate - and I always offer pudding (fruit or yoghurt) regardless of how much/little she's eaten for her main course.

I can't say for sure whether this approach will be successful, but mealtimes are rarely a battlefield and DD is, gradually, getting used to and even enjoying new foods and tastes. Though she'll still decide from one day to the next that she doesn't like bananas any more, or cheese, or toast...

Good luck!

My own experience has been that children develop foodie tastes fairly late and that early pickiness is no indication of things to come. My dd is a delight to feed- but she wasn't at 4.

I'm just reading about minadex. Some vitamins may well help her particularly as she has been ill this month and last.

Thanks for the suggestion.

I'm just reading about minadex. Some vitamins may well help her particularly as she has been ill this month and last.

Thanks for the suggestion.

If you really don't want to give up spicy food, can you give her a tbsp of rice, mixed with 1/2 tsp of your sauce? Or use yoghurt to make it milder for her? (Although you may think she's getting enough yoghurt already!)

My 3yo DS puts half his food on my plate. And then eats it from there. And there are times when he can't be bothered with the motor skills of feeding himself, but he'll take the food if I feed him. He'll say no if he's had enough.

And I didn't let my DCs have their water in reach (I passed it to them when they asked) - far too stressful for me!

I give water in an open cup at the end of the day as she's only going to have a bath anyway, and gives me an excuse to clean the floor if she spills....

She has occasionally eaten a few bites of thai curry and of non spicy but spiced tagine - but I never give her chilli con carne because I make it fairly hot (and aLWAYS forget to take out a bit before I start flinging chillies around) and also she hates beans and I like mine with extra beans...

Thought I would try a mild salmon and veggie curry with coconut milk this week maybe if I can get organised.

Please read MEALS WITHOUT TEARS - order it from Amazon now. It will really help with your issues too. It was recommended here for me and has helped enormously.

You are going to have to get over waste. Were you told to finish your plate of food as a child? The greatest gift we can teach a child is for them to stop eating when they are full.

if you are feeding her too much milk or enriched milk/food then it will fill her up.

Please read the book it was so helpful and continues to be helpful.