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Original poster

Crying baby asked to leave bar in Bristol...

48 replies

Stewrat · 05/10/2010 17:51

Hi,

New to mumsnet.

DD and I where enjoying coffee and chat with friend in the Hen and Chicken pub on North street, Bedminster this afternoon. I picked it because they encourage children (put out colouring on the tables and advertising Kids menus and drinks etc)

As per DD was having a little shout about the teeth on the was and generally being a little grumpy :(

Manager of bar came over to us and asked me to get her to stop crying. Being a little startled and not sure I had heard this (and not having found the 'Off' switch yet) Asked if I was unable to make her quiet was she asking me to leave. In response she said could I not take her outside to calm her?!

Feeling a little humiliated and embarrassed we decided to leave our drinks and go. We were not the only mummy and babies in the bar (in fact most of the customers were mum's and babies), but no other mummies had the same conversation as us, which re-enforced the embarrassment and general feeling of being a poor parent. This leaves me a few questions - Am I being over-sensitive? Has this happened to other mum's? Is the correct parenting etiquette to leave the place as soon as she starts to yell, even if its a child friendly place?

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BooBooGlass · 05/10/2010 17:54

'encouraging' children and 'tolerating' children are 2 different things. I know of very few bars which do the former tbh. When my 2 were babies, if they were crying, yes I would have walked them around outside til they calmed down. Your definition of a 'little shout' may have been an earsplitting din to others. You didn't have to leave. You weren't even asked to.

PussinJimmyChoos · 05/10/2010 17:56

Bedminster is vile anyway

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 05/10/2010 17:57

Sorry but were the other babies all crying?

I am a nanny and have been in the situation with a baby that is crying but I am also a person who doesn't like to listen to a baby squawking or a toddler tantrumming.

And she didn't ask you to leave rather settle your baby outside and then come back in which I have done before ie in the library, at the local coffee shop, whilst out for breakfast the other day with friends - the last one attended by several babies/toddlers but I FELT that it was my responsibility to sort out the baby and allow others time to chat without my baby in the background making noise.

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Toughasoldboots · 05/10/2010 17:57

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pearlsandtwinset · 05/10/2010 17:59

I know that is is tough but I think you might be being a little over sensitive. Sorry. But at the same time don't be embarrassed.

Toughasoldboots · 05/10/2010 17:59

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pagwatch · 05/10/2010 18:00

I would have taken the baby out to try and settle it. It is only basic manners isn't it?

You may be happy with her having a little shout but other peoples children shouting is no fun frankly.

She asked you to try and settle your baby, she didn't ask you to leave.

BooBooGlass · 05/10/2010 18:01

QUite. To name them, but actually REGISTER on MN in order to, just smacks of sour grapes. They did not ask you to leave. The world does not think your baby is as adorable as you do. Parenting rule number one

pagwatch · 05/10/2010 18:06

actually I am quite tempted to phone and book there now...I am enjoying their bad ass bar child friendly policy Grin

Grin
lifeinagoldfishbowl · 05/10/2010 18:20

I'm with you Pag Grin

Original poster
Stewrat · 05/10/2010 18:24

Thank you for your posts.

A large table about 10 other mums and babies sat just over from us with losts of crying and shouting, noise in general.

She did not say leave, but the implication was clear. I named them as if you know the place it would be clear they look for mum and babie trade - didn't pick a wine bar or somewhere 'Adult'. As stated feel very uncomfortable, has knocked my confidence to go out like that again. She is only 4 mths old. Not crazy loud shouting, the music is usally louder in bar. No i don't think the world would find my baby adorable. BC i would have been un intersted in anybody elses, but I would not have approached a parent to ask them to stop crying I would pick a place that doesn't have kids in Confused

OP posts:
nickschick · 05/10/2010 18:28

Dh and I used to wait until Ds1 was asleep before we went in a bar for lunch ......bit of a bugger now though hes 17 and doesnt do afternoon naps Grin.

BooBooGlass · 05/10/2010 18:29

So you have more right to be there than someone without children? It's their problem if they are bothered by the noise?

pagwatch · 05/10/2010 18:29

I wouldn't 'lose confidence' over one incident. Either she was unreasonable in which case you did nothing wrong. Or she asked you rather than the mums on the next table for some other reason?

Why don't you ask you friend if she can think of why you were asked rather than the other group.

I am struggling to imagine that a bar manger who wants your custom would just randomly approach you for no reason.

But tbh either don't go there again or try and figure why she approached you and not one of the table for ten.

But either way it is not really a big issue -just find someone you feel more comfortable in future .

Original poster
Stewrat · 05/10/2010 18:38

Thanks Pagwatch. Just spoke to my friend. truns out they were using the room above the pub and they didn't like the general noise from all. She approached me as only 2 of us at our table rather than the larger noiser table. Friend felt as I that it was all a bit horrid. Both decided to avoid now.

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 05/10/2010 18:42

Curiouser and curiouser

pointythings · 05/10/2010 21:58

Sounds like the bar manager was going for the 'soft' target - very weak at her - this place definitely doesn't deserve your trade.

Octaviapink · 06/10/2010 09:16

To be honest I wouldn't regard 'crayons on the table' as being somewhere that's baby friendly (rather than child friendly). Bars in general are places people go that they expect not to find babies - coffee shops are a different matter. I have been in a pub on occasion with my dc and if she started making the sort of noise level that (if I were another customer) would p* me off then we left.

I also think you're being unfair to name the place, and I'm inclined to ring them and ask them onto this thread to see what they say.

withorwithoutyou · 06/10/2010 09:26

We went to a little chef on the way home from holiday at the weekend (we were desperate, baby needed changing!)

Sat down to eat and then my 2 year old kicked off. We packed everything up ready to leave but DH managed to calm her down by buying her a story book at the counter.

No way would I have sat there while she screamed. When she was a baby I too used to get her to sleep before I went in anywhere because she was a screamer.

Just how I dealt with things though, don't necessarily think she was right to single you out.

I just would feel really uncofmortable sitting in a bar with a screaming baby.

HouseOfBamboo · 06/10/2010 09:40

It sounds to me like a place that's branded itself as a family friendly pub. And babies do often tend to be part of families.

I suspect that they are trying to maintain a balance of keeping the family trade with keeping other customers happy. If for example they had a quiet meeting (or a wake or something) going on in their function room, then it may have been disturbed by loud children in the vicinity. That's the risk they take when they take the bookings though, I think.

Having said that it's hard to say who is 'right' in this instance as we don't know all the circumstances or exactly how loud anyone was or who they were disturbing. It may be for example that the other table were also asked to be quieter after you left, OP.

I do get irritated by general judginess and sanctimony about people taking babies and children to pubs and restaurants though. It totally depends on the type of place and how the children behave.

In answer to the OP, yes I would always try to take a child out of earshot if they were crying loudly in any public place as I don't think it's fair to others to have to listen to them. I also insist that in pubs and restaurants they sit at the table and don't run around, unless it's a garden specifically designed for that purpose.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/10/2010 16:54

"Is the correct parenting etiquette to leave the place as soon as she starts to yell"

Ummm, yes. Perhaps this manager was being unreasonable - clearly I don't know as I wasn't there. But a wailing child in a bar, café or restaurant should be taken outside.

activate · 07/10/2010 16:57

as a mum if your child of any age starts to make the kind of noise that can impact on other people it is your duty to take them outside to calm them down

so that's a baby screaming or crying loudly for longer than about a minute
a toddler tantruming
a child being whiny or noisy
a teenager being objectionable.

nothing you do as a parent has a right to impinge on other people' enjoyment of their time out

Lulumaam · 07/10/2010 17:04

a wine bar is somewhere i would avoid with a young baby/toddler

crayons on the table is a token gesture

and i would be less tolerant of screaming'/yelling/running/crying children in a bar than in say, a soft play or family cafe

FloraFinching · 07/10/2010 17:06

"Is the correct parenting etiquette to leave the place as soon as she starts to yell, even if its a child friendly place?"

Yes. HTH.

sarah293 · 07/10/2010 17:11

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