Crying baby asked to leave bar in Bristol...

[Stewrat]

Hi,

New to mumsnet.

DD and I where enjoying coffee and chat with friend in the Hen and Chicken pub on North street, Bedminster this afternoon. I picked it because they encourage children (put out colouring on the tables and advertising Kids menus and drinks etc)

As per DD was having a little shout about the teeth on the was and generally being a little grumpy :(

Manager of bar came over to us and asked me to get her to stop crying. Being a little startled and not sure I had heard this (and not having found the 'Off' switch yet) Asked if I was unable to make her quiet was she asking me to leave. In response she said could I not take her outside to calm her?!

Feeling a little humiliated and embarrassed we decided to leave our drinks and go. We were not the only mummy and babies in the bar (in fact most of the customers were mum's and babies), but no other mummies had the same conversation as us, which re-enforced the embarrassment and general feeling of being a poor parent. This leaves me a few questions - Am I being over-sensitive? Has this happened to other mum's? Is the correct parenting etiquette to leave the place as soon as she starts to yell, even if its a child friendly place?

I feel for you.

Bedminster

You have had a lucky escape.

I have to go to a meeting there next week. Haven't had my jabs yet....

How would I recognise Bedminster, if I was driving through it?

I'm often there, see. I only recognise Clifton, Cotham, St Pauls, Knowle and wherever Proper Job is.

I need a landmark.

Where is Bedmister? I've never heard of it. Obviously I could google but i don't really care that much.

Ah thanks Riven. I won't make a special trip then

Bedminster ('Bemmy' to devotees) isn't that bad really.

It has two faces, a traditional tight knit working class community, and a sprinkling of gentrification trickling in from the posher end (Southville).

So Greggs and CHAVSDA are there. But so is a poncey experimental theatre.

And the Hen and Chicken. When I was a teen I was dared to go there for a drink adorned in a Bristol Rovers shirt.

The fact that I am still alive is testament to the fact that I was both Hen and Chicken, and declined this dare...

There's a Grounded near me, Riven. hint hint.

The Hen and Chicken used to be a very rough pub, but guess it has had a transformation since Bedminster got trendy?

I'm quite surprised at some responses here. So you all think a woman with a four month old who cries, in a bar full of other families with noisy kids, should instantly get up and go outside?

I think that's a bit harsh. I mean, I got v self conscious with mine if they cried, and I would generally take them out to settle, but I'd try first to settle them at the table for a couple of minutes.

And I always got told by everyone, when I did get up to take them out, that I didn't need to worry, newborns cry, everyone knows it, people don't mind, etc etc etc. And I've seen similar comments on threads here

I am very yummy. So perhaps I literally don't see it as I drive through

What should I be looking out for, though? What is its, erm, USP?

Thanks for your comments - I feel I just need to clear things up here, as I am frankly feeling a bit savaged - being only 4 months in, and still hormonally challenged I need no more reasons to cry at this stage.

She was not in full melt down (I clearly would not still be sitting in any place and let her get distressed, I love my daughter and would not want that for her, or for anyone else to have to deal with) She was a bit grumpy, she yelled a bit, I moved her/distracted her, she was quiet a while, we repeated this a couple of times. I don't think she spent longer than any of the other babies making noise while I was in the place. As a lot have you have suggested taking her out when she sleeps - I can't wait for her to sleep to visit places as she only nap's for 20 at a time in the day - its over before you get anything done.

I clearly do care about other peoples feeling on this matter, otherwise
A - would not have been trying to calm her already, and
B - I would not have posted in the 1st place.

We have since spoken to the bar, they say yes they do want to encourage families including babies. They have also apologised. I obviously left in a hurry, but my friend told me the other table, also decided to leave after this incident.

The Hen and Chicken is rather nice now, it was quite nasty when we moved here, but much improved, as is most of North Street. I agree Riven we have visited Grounded it is lush - or is that 'gurrrt Lush' I'm not local?!

I think people have been a bit harsh, I presume you didn't just leave her screaming in the pram while you and your mate necked bloody marys?! And it wasn't exactly saturday night, you often get kids in pubs in the daytime, especially trendy Slug and Lettuce type places which is what I'm imagining.

Just don't go back there... most places are more tolerant.

The question was "Is the correct parenting etiquette to leave the place as soon as she starts to yell" - it's not harsh to say that YES, that is unequivocally and categorically the correct parenting etiquette.

I think if a child is yelling or screaming it is best to take them outside for a bit. It helps calm them down. It's never pleasant to have to hear other people's kids screaming and the fact that the woman felt the need to come over and (politely) mention it, suggests that it had been going on for longer than a couple of minutes.

People go out for a meal or a drink to enjoy themselves. Its one thing to have a well behaved child sitting quietly doing colouring its another thing to have a screaming baby.

Teething is horrid and maybe a pub was not the best place for a poorly baby.

I feel your pain - I was invited to my work's christmas lunch some years back as they wanted to see baby DS and I agreed I'd go along, not for lunch but perhaps for the coffee course. Of course that day DS (then 4mo) managed to not sleep at all. He fell asleep just on the way to the cafe - hooray! - and then woke again as soon as I went in. Cue much crying and gnashing of gums (no teeth). I actually had complete strangers come up to me with suggestions of how to manage him, and it was awful - made me feel really undermined about my capabilities as a parent. I left pretty quickly and he fell asleep finally again.

I'm guessing this is what rankles most, not the 'is it acceptable' but just the fact that someone coming over to you asking if you can settle your child can make you feel inadequate or singled out. Don't take it personally though, remember they were thinking of their other customers and only hoping that you could settle your DD. Personally I find coffee and cake at home is much more relaxing and you can have your choice of cake... Now that I have DS 3 and DD 3mo, cafes are only manageable with DH and even then we have a 'quick exit' plan if required!

Sorry, haven't read all posts so apologies if already been said. In my very humble opinion and as a mum, I f my little one was crying or moaning continuously to the point where everyone could here them, then I would leave either to calm them or for good. I don't like hearing it so therefore wouldn't want to put anyone else through it. Because a venue welcomes children, doesn't necessarily mean at any cost. I have had to leave pubs & restaurants in the past due to my ds's 'anti-social' behaviour &

You should take your child out of a bar when they are wailing. it may just be 'a little teething grumble' to you, but to me, and to my children, it's possibly the most irritating sound in the universe while I am trying to eat, and many people feel the same way.

I'd leave. Many people I know whould leave, if it is a choice of listing to a whiny baby or finding somewhere quieter. Presumably the manager doesn't want to lose half the potential customers who come in.

Child friendly means child friendly, not "tolerant of every aspect of child behavior" friendly.

I think it's terrible! Really unecessary - 4 months FGS! Don't let it put you off - just go elsewhere. And tell everyone you know what happened!

BTW, I do think you should not put words in their mouths in future. If someone comes over for a talk, just get your hard hat on and brazen it!

Numpty I love your "quick exit plan" ... we all have those

Stewrat - sorry, I too would have taken out the baby to try and settle her.

On my 35th birthday I was in Verona with my husband and DS (then 15 months). What I remember most about my b'day is not being in a fancy restaurant but taking turns outside with DH trying to settle DS.

Well, don't many pubs have outside tables at the front, you can't necessarily get away from all humanity within one second if your baby starts to cry!

I think if somewhere has babies/children in it, and caters for children, and it's the day-time, then some child-related noise is just normal. As is adult conversation, men cheering, women laughing, football on the TV. You don't go to a bar for a silent reading session, do you? Now, you don't say if you jigged your baby around, I suspect if she was in the buggy and wingeing and you weren't picking up, you may have been asked because of that. But if it was a little cry, you picked up, jigggled, walked around a bit, there's nothing to object to.

Hearing babies screech without them being picked up is just distressing for everyone, if they are inconsolable, you do have to get out, if they are just a bit wingey and you are dealing with it, they shouldn't have said anything on at Sat lunch-time.