2 kids - i feel constantly torn in two.

[nickytwotimes]

sorry for typing - feeding ds2 aged 4 mths.
ds1 is 4 years.

ds2 was ill so ds1 was by necessity a bit palmed off on granny for a while.

things are improving but i still cannot cope alone with both of them for more than an hour.

my mum is round much of the time. dh does most of the domestic stuff.

why can't i cope like my friends?

NEWS FLASH Your friends probably aren't coping

You ahve a new baby. Are you setting yourself impossible standards?

lol at news flash!

standards - minimise crying, keep everyonr fed and dressed, including self. try not to go mad.

Who says they are coping?

Your DS2 has been poorly and that has an impact on everything

Don't be hard on yourself

I was shell shocked when DD arrived - gorgeous, easy going baby but she didn't blardy sleep

DS watched a lot of Beebies - good news is he hasn't been adversely affected!

It is fine that your DH does the domestic stuff - you are coping on about a minute's sleep per night

I found having two an incredibly difficult adjustment tbh so don't beat yourself up too much. If you've got people willing to support you then let them!

It does get easier I promise!

Have you got a decent sling for DS2?

One good thing in your OP - things are improving :) It will get better, I promise.

well if those are your standards they sound fine to me,. its tough in the first few months. Accept help whenever and whever you can, do not stoicly 'cope' and then cry yourself to sleep at night

Is your ds1 at nursery or school?

um, true about the sleep!

i am fucked.

feel so guilty about poor ds1 constantly palmed off or shoved in front of ben 10.

need to get a grip, but i think lack of kip is making me a tad loopy.

oh god yes, going from 1 to 2 is like 10 times the work.strain!

sling - yes, but he doesn't like it anymore, the fecker!

ds1 at nursery in the mornings - loves it

Honestly your older DS will be ok

Lack of sleep is brutal ... Being dressed and fed is fine

You will get your energy back In time, but until then don't waste what little you have stressing

thanks guys.

DS2 was a non sleeper - it really does mess with your head

tis grim!

i can't cope - but my friends probably think i can as i tell them what a lovely baby DD2 is and how much DD1 adores her lil sis. All true, but also DD2 does not sleep unless attached to my boob, the house is a pigsty and i feel like they are both clamouring for my attention all the time.

they say it gets easier, i live in hope!

Hi Nicky,

My DD2 is also 4mths and DD1 is 2.2yrs so totally know how you feel. So days its a nightmare!

We hav no family nearby and Nursery so its literally just me and the girls.
DD2 is up once or twice a night which is a killer and very draining.

Just do what you need to get through the day. We try and keep busy.
Mon is DD1's swimming lesson
Tues is Mother and toddler group, thursdays is DD1's Ballet lessons and Fridays we usually meet with a friend at soft play or something.
Thankfully DD2 doesnt mind watching as I have to join in her lessons being so young.

Having 2 really is a juggling act and theres been days ive been in tears feeling i cant cope.
Others may appear to be coping but im certain they have thier off days too. You should of seen me friday coming out of softplay with DD2 in the carseat on one arm and DD1 under the other arm kicking and screaming not wanting to leave! :)

Anyway, your doing fab job and as everyone says and im led to believe it does get better. :)

ta

thank god for this post! I'm not coping either, I seriously just wish the day away til DH gets home to help me. So many friends appear to be coping with 2 without any problems, are they all lying??

ziggy - sone of them are definitely!

Hi
I've two, DD1 is 3 on Sat, DD2 just gone 10 months. It DOES get easier, but 4 months is a really really hard time - you're knackered by then, it seems as if they'll never ever sleep and most people seem to have lost all the sympathy they had when you had a newborn - whereas I was fine with the newborn bit as there's that adhrenelin (sorry for the spelling!) which is long gone by the time they're 4 months old. If you can, just take it a day at a time. And the other bit of encouragement I can offer, is that as baby gets bigger (and more robust!), they get pretty good at entertaining each other.
Oh, and I second CBeebies - DD1 went from watching hardly any TV to LOADS (DD2 born early December, at beginning of long, hard, winter....) - happy to report that once we got back to normal and were out and about, it went off (well, a bit less anyway - it's still very handy!)

Good luck, don't stress and let people help - I'm away from family and DH works long hours so I ended up getting someone to help out with cleaning and one morning's childcare - do what you need to survive and I bet your mum loves being able to help anyway!

thank you lacking.

my main priblem is getting ds2 yo nap because ds1 constantky wakes him with his yelling and jumping around. I end up getting really angry as it is bloody difficult getting him to snooze int he first palce.

also thank god for this thread. DD is 2.10 and DS is 5.5m I wish away the day til DH gets home. I have been spoilt rotten as DS was born not long after easter hols. DH had paternity leave, half term not long after. It was very hard between half term and the summer hols but I had it made when he was off for 6 weeks. He gave me more than my fair share of lie ins and looked after DD a lot. Felt pretty rubbish and unable to cope since he went back again.

I spend most days out and about with them both. Tumble tots, soft play, mates house. Generally only go places with my friend for back up, ie friend can keep eye for a minute while I take DD to toilet or when BF baby DS. Only recently realised I've been doing this subconsciously. When at home DD watches a lot of cbeebies.

It is HARD having 2. Very very HARD.

You are coping.

You're sensibly enlisting help from others when you need it.

I found the bit when the younger one was around 4 months the hardest bit for all the reasons outlined above. It will get easier, but at the points you're at I decided that as long as we were all fed and watered, I'd put a wash on and there were no major accidents or illnesses, that was a good day.

Hope that ds2 has made a full recovery, btw.

Also constantly feel guilty that DD gets neglected whilst bf DS, poor thing wonders round bored, even with cbeebies on. Likes me to play with toys with her.

DS spends lots of time in buggy, gets throttled and banged on head by overly affectionate sister and gets left to cry longer than I'd like whilst I just sort her out.

Both get neglected, there is always a compromise. We used to always do what was best for DD, she was the priority. Its not that easy now, the best thing may not be possible.

However, DS sat on my lap yesterday and giggled at DD dancing round with maracas :)

Another one here shocked to discover how tough it is with 2! DS 20 months and DD 2 months.

I don't think anyone with 2 very young DC truly copes - at least not 24/7.

My Dad tells a story about how my Mum was asked to come and and talk to a group of Mums about 'Coping with 2 under 2'. Apparently she got off the phone and blubbed into my Dad's arms - 'I don't know why they want me to talk - I'm not bloody coping!!'. I first heard this as an adult and was totally [shocked] as Mum was never phased or ruffled!

The one day at at a time advice is great - as well as knowing it will get better.

And enjoy the quiet moments. Currently DD is snoozing upstairs and normally boisterous DS is snuggled quietly on my lap watching Cbeebies while I MN. Bliss!

Hi nicky, I remember your threads from a few weeks back. Sounds like the reflux settled down at least?

DS2 is due next week and I just know that all those people that tell me going from 1 to 2 is easier are lying.

I am going to be knackered, irrtitable and possibly a bit depressed (again). DS1 will spend the entire winter in front of the telly whilst I feed the baby, weep with tiredness and mumsnet.

I only know that this is fine and normal because of lovely mumsent. I also know that it will pass and I'll find my feet etc etc, I just need to get through it.

I think very few people sail through whether first, second or fifth baby because it's really hard work. Don't feel like your mum & DH are doing too much, that's exactly how it should be.

Remind me of all this in a few weeks time, wontcha? :)

glad i am in good company!

hairy, yes the saving grace this time round is knowing it passes! how long till the baby arrives now?