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Original poster

I feel so liberated now the routines have gone.

39 replies

strawberrycake · 27/09/2010 16:45

I always thought I was a routine person. If started off a tiny bit gf with ds, then it drifted to checking feeding times... now there is no routine and I'm surprised how happy I am.

If he wants a lie in, he gets one, if he's hungry he eats and if he's tired he sleeps. Plus he simply goes EVERYWHERE with me. He went on the tube, round central London at the weekend, a meeting today at the bank etc. He's a happy little shadow. I don't do slings, buggies, laps etc.

There's practically no crying at all in this house and I feel chilled.

Just thought I'd share really as it's surprised me. I've found despite ignoring the clock the hours of day and night don't change much.

Has anyone else who's normally a routine person found this? I feel like we've stopped fighting and can just be now.

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passionberry · 27/09/2010 18:26

Glad you have found that no routine works for you!

I have never had any routine with dd because I can't be bothered am a relaxed type of person, and also I don't understand what happens if the structure of your day changes for some reason?? I couldn't be doing with rushing home for nap time . ..

On the other hand I sometimes feel a bit guilty because some people say babies crave structure . . .

So good to hear you have done both and your ds is happy with a more relaxed style of parenting! (How old is he?)

PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/09/2010 19:54

I thought I would be and borrowed a few routine books from friends. Even tagged pages with little stickies prior to having DD Blush, however it just didn't work for us.

So despite being an organisational nut, DD has never had a routine, she's just fitted in with what we've been doing. Since about 8/9 months old though, she found her own rhythm with a morning nap about 11am and an afternoon one about 2pm. We'd feed her around that. But TBH, we just watched for her sleepy signals.

Most importantly, she's happy and we're happy.

duncandisorderly · 27/09/2010 19:59

It wouldn't work for me at all. I am presuming he must be your only child because I can't imagine how you could do that for 2+ children.

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thisisyesterday · 27/09/2010 20:02

i have 3 children and no routine!

i am just not organised enough to do things at set times each day.
obviously i get ds1 to school, but that's the limit of our routine lol

WinkyWinkola · 27/09/2010 20:14

I've never been one for routine either. They always seemed to be a source of stress or dashed expectations. I didn't want to set myself up for more hassles.

With ds1 (now 5), I just tried to carry on with waking up, breakfast, lunch, supper and whatever happened in between. Just went with the flow.

It's a little more hectic now with three - school run etc - and ds2 (11 months) just has to grab his naps when he can but he seems to thrive regardless.

MrsC2010 · 27/09/2010 20:39

DD is nearly 7 wks and I've been struggling with whether to try to instill a routine. It doesn't sit easily with me, I feel happier going with the flow but people keep telling me I am doing us both a disservice...all too confusing!

StarlightMcKenzie · 27/09/2010 20:42

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Hopefully · 27/09/2010 20:54

I battled and battled to instil a routine with DS from about 1 week to 4 months (I see starlight has posted here - she will fondly reminisce about the my manic "why isn't he feeding/sleeping/playing at the allotted time?" posts).

When we finally gave up and let DS nap in the pram, when he was tired and fed him about every 2 hours, life got a whole lot easier. Actually, he immediately got into a routine of his own, but it involved about twice as many feeds and half as much sleep as anything you'll read in a book (still does, at 2yo).

WinkyWinkola · 27/09/2010 21:26

Your baby will have his own routine. Listen to your baby, MrsC2010, because he knows best when he's hungry or tired.

He'll learn about daytime, nighttime, breakfast, lunch etc but all in good time.

Just follow his lead. You'll both be a lot more relaxed and content.

BigOfNoorks · 27/09/2010 21:35

Another two dc one is 4 and the other1 no routine I just stress with a routine.

BigOfNoorks · 27/09/2010 21:35

Another two dc one is 4 and the other1 no routine I just stress with a routine.

BigOfNoorks · 27/09/2010 21:35

Sorry Blush

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/09/2010 21:36

I've never been a routine person, but even I thought about it when I was pregnant with DS! Read GF and co. and thought 'ooh that sounds good'. Ha.

It's so liberating to decide ' we are having no routine' and just go with what your baby wants.

MrsC - if you feel happier without one then stick without one and frankly sod other people, you are the only one living your life.
You will find that he will fall into doing things at roughly the same time each day, for a few days and then it will change again. But if you are not trying to stick to a routine then it doesn't matter when things change, and so you don't waste energy worrying about it :)

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/09/2010 21:40

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BoojaB · 27/09/2010 21:43

strawberrycake sorry, how is going on the tube related to routine? My DD fell into a routine early on and we're regularly in central London on the tube. I don't understand your point. Confused

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/09/2010 21:45

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TheBreastmilksOnMe · 27/09/2010 21:47

No routines here either apart from the ones that he has set for himself. I take my cues from him when he is tired and hungry and work around them, also I know that what makes him happiest in the world is being next to me, and vica versa, so I carried him close in a sling and co-slept when he was younger. IMO, and I stress IMO, routines are for people who like control and are unable or unwilling to trust in natural instinct. But I am also williing to accept that he was an easy and contented baby so I have never felt 'desperate' and at the 'end of my tether' and a need to impose a routine. Maybe he was such a content baby because of my relaxed and natural approach though?

OrmRenewed · 27/09/2010 21:49

Same here strawberry. Don't care for routines with little ones. 3 DC, full-time job, no routine. It just works.

lovechildofBjork · 27/09/2010 21:51

I read some GF before I had DS out of interest but I knew it would never be for me, I'm too unorganised. Following a strict routine just seems mad, what about the stress when your baby doesn't want to fit into it, or life just gets in the way?
My DS is nearly a year now and has found his own routine, which is a long nap in the morning.
I am a bit of a stickler about bed times though because it took him so long to finally sleep through. The time he goes to bed was set by him, and is the time he naturally gets tired. But I know that if that is knocked off for any reason it has reprecussions in the night. So unfortunately I do feel tied in in the evenings. But, I choose that as it's preferable to being up at 3am! Luckily we have people who can babysit so we can do things safe in the knowledge that he is being tucked up at his normal time.

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/09/2010 21:53

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WinkyWinkola · 27/09/2010 21:59

"You may not find it so easy when he is at school- as that kinda depends on a routine"

Obviously, life has its routines. Daytime, nighttime, meals etc.

I thought we were more discussing here how babies may resist a random routine imposed upon them and how some mothers might not find them helpful.

All my dcs did not have a routine apart from their own. We get to school just fine. Every day. And we eat breakfast and supper at the normal time.

Not having a set routine as a baby doesn't mean chaos will ensue for the rest of one's life! Grin

I think the op meant she could just get on the tube whenever she wanted without having to stress about routine or her baby coping with being out of sync.

GreenMonkies · 27/09/2010 22:02

I have two DD's, almost 3 years apart. No routine.

My Step-MIL told me when DD2 was on the way that once I had two I'd need a routine. Interesting advice from a woman with only one child. Just goes to show that those who give out such sage advice often are totally unaware of the realities they are advising you on!

My girls went where ever I went, fed when they fussed, fell asleep on the boob, slept for as long as they wanted, either in a sling, in my arms or sometimes in a pram.

Some of my fellow mums were sticking to routines and were slaves to scheduled naps in blacked-out rooms, and strict feeding timetables. It all seemed so restrictive and like too much hard work to me!

Both my girls fell into a predictable pattern in a few months, so I guess they did have a "routine" of sorts, but it was one that they set, not me.

GreenMonkies · 27/09/2010 22:03

(Obviously our lives are more structured now they are at school, duh, that goes without saying!!)

ItsGrimUpNorth · 27/09/2010 22:16

Don't go by routines. They just cause havoc actually.

You can't do anything because of the sodding routine. I think it's like a kind of prison.

Babies can be really flexible as a rule.

cupofcoffee · 27/09/2010 22:21

no strict routine here and find that this way suits us. I have met a few people who have really strict routines (not just a general pattern to the day but insist meal times, nap times etc are exactly in line with the clock) and they always seem to be really stressed and rushed.