taking my baby to the theatre

[amylou1]

Yesterday I took my 1 month old to a matinee at the Bristol Old Vic. It was a family show and my Mum and I really wanted to see the show (by Kneehigh) and my husband was busy so we took the little one along. I checked with the theatre who said it was fine. She was good as gold and slept in the baby carrier though the whole thing. Noone would have noticed her!

However, I didn't enjoy it at all as just before we went in I passed two women in the foyer and one said to the other, loudly and clearly, looking straight at me, 'she's not seriously thinking of taking that baby in the theatre'. I was so shocked that I couldn't think what to say, walked away and spent the entire performance wondering whether I was a selfish, bad mother!

I knew she'd sleep and the plan was that if she cried we'd quietly leave straight away. I wouldn't want to spoil anyone else's enjoyment.

Why do people think they have a right to speak to new mothers this way? I am super sensitive right now and trying to do everything right for my baby. Just can't get over the rudeness. Wish I'd said something to the woman at the time but I was too shocked and didn' feel like a confrontation.

Lol at Moonface whinging about whinging

It is really nice to read some replies in which people have clearly read my first post in which I stated that I have a very quiet baby. If I had a screaming baby I _would not have taken her to the theatre, that would, I agree, be rude and also rather pointless for all! I have a lovely quiet newborn who can sleep through anything after a good feed, which she did. I know this particular theatre and company well and my baby found the music in the show rather soothing.

MoonFaceMama - I think there are a lot of Mumsnetters who think that all mothers should stay at home on the sofa for at least the first couple of years. You are so right. Happy Mums make happy babies.

amylou
fair enough. Perhaps you can feel a bit better about the womans reaction having read how many people have had visits spoilt by babies whose parents, unlike you, did not remove them when they disturbed the event/performance.

Maybe she had recently encountered one of those and was reacting to that, not realising that it would not apply to you?

pagwatch I take your point. However she was very rude. You had to be there I suppose.

and the rude misery gut's ruined the op's theatre experience. I propose all rude people are barred from all theatres forthwith. Go on, be off the lot of you.

where are the mumsnetters who think mothers should stay at home on the sofa for first couple of years Amylou?????

why are you being rude about others opinions on this?

I was not quoting directly. Merely commenting on the attitude expressed by a number of posters who clearly have not read my post correctly.

amylou - you know you were going to sit at the end of the row and take your baby out if she made the slightest murmur. Other members of the audience do not. And I must admit my heart would sink if I saw you walking through the foyer. Just because you're considerate, it doesn't mean that everyone is.

I took my sister to see the Ballet Rambert a few years' ago for her birthday and there were some twats Islington types sitting in the row in front with three children ranging in age from about 6 to 10. Thankfully, they disappeared during the intermission but they absolutely ruined the First Act.

I'm not saying you are that selfish but I don't blame those women for being dubious.

And I agree with pagwatch too. My childfree time is rare and precious and I don't want other people's children spoiling it!

'I took my sister to see the Ballet Rambert a few years' ago for her birthday and there were some twats Islington types sitting in the row in front with three children ranging in age from about 6 to 10.'

I agree that would be very annoying. I have had similar experiences myself and that's why I wouldn't subject others to that. As you say, the audience member in question did not know me or my baby and I can't put across strongly enough in writing the contempt in her face and voice at the time. She made negative assumptions about me.

I wouldn't have taken her...by the time she cried it would have too late, you would already have disturbed people no matter how swift an exit you made. Lovely to go to the theatre with your mum but not the best afternoon out for a baby!

verity - I saw Phantom a few years back, and the two adults sitting behind us sang along. Once I'd realised that dirty looks weren't going to work, I actually told them to stop it. I pointed out that I had paid to hear the professionals sing, not them.

I went to the Mousetrap and had to listen to someone translating. :( Children are not the problem, it's the adults every time.

Ladybiscuit my DD is 9 and has been to the ballet at least 3 times, first time she was 5 or 6.

I am really not sure how that disturbed anyone. If she had jumped up and down or complained loudly about the show or screamed the place down...but a ballet-mad 7yo is not going to do any of these things, surely?

Well anyway my DD didn't, she sat absorbed and enjoying it all.

Pagwatch, you're right I don't know for definite that's why they moved, but chances are...

Anyway I did say they hadn't done anything wrong, they weren't rude or anything, and I understand why they had done it, and I certainly didn't say anything to them, but (probably irrationally) I was a bit upset.

And I totally agree with you that ones children should not interfere with the enjoyment of others. If they can't sit nicely then you don't go, simple as that to me. I'm not one of these sacrificing yourself at the altar of motherhood types, but I do believe that there are somethings you have to give up IF, and only if, your children will not behave when you take them there, be that restaurants/cafes or theatre/cinema or whatever.

I'm not saying other people's needs/rights etc are/should be more important than our own, but I just think its courtesy.

In a nutshell, if your children will not disturb other people then you can go, if they will you do something else instead.

Of course you can go out and do stuff, but a baby in a theatre is not on. I took DS1 who is 8 to the theatre and this woman with a bay infront of us was a pain, shuffling about, checking the baby, talking to her partner, getting up twice - it really spoiled our enjoyment, so we moved at the interval.

People can have opinions to be fair and if you can't take the moaning don't go. And people with kids want to go soemwhere kid free from time to time.

Would a drunk be welcome in a pre-school? Just because you have a baby does not mean you can take over the world with it. And motherhood in the early months can mean sacrifing some time and some things you want to do.

I think YANBU. Tiny children, i.e. less than 3 months are fine in cinema's and theatre's so long as if they do start crying they are quickly silenced or the parents leave.

I took my DC to the theatre twice before she was two months. She was in a sling, she only cried at one of the performances and only for about 5 seconds as that was how long it took me to get her on the boob.

The people around me only realised she was there at the end when I took her out of the sling. Though, I delayed going into the performance until about 2 mins before curtain up which seemed to annoy one person I had to get past, but he was muttering to the effect of "people who want to see the performance should get here early". He felt like a twat and apologised on the end when I produced a baby from the sling.

Children over 3 months are a different kettle of fish until they are able to behave properly.

Unfortunately though you do have to develop a thick skin because idiot's are everywhere.

"As you say, the audience member in question did not know me or my baby and I can't put across strongly enough in writing the contempt in her face and voice at the time. She made negative assumptions about me."

But don't you realise the fact you chose to take a baby to an unsuitable place actually shows an awful lot about you.

The show you saw was suitable for 8+ so not really a family show you have claimed and the theatre policy for that theatre says children under two are considered babes in arms and will only be admitted for children's shows, so it is surprising you were allowed to take the baby in.

'But don't you realise the fact you chose to take a baby to an unsuitable place actually shows an awful lot about you.'

Thank you I'll take that as a compliment.

'Would a drunk be welcome in a pre-school? Just because you have a baby does not mean you can take over the world with it.'

what an odd comparison.

If the theatre allow it and you are careful to immediately remove a noisy/ crying baby then I think its fine. I am sick to death of nosy people who have such boring lives themselves they are far more interested in finding fault in others.

The first 4 months of exclusively breastfeeding on demand have been a tough choice in terms of where I can go with ds1 & ds2. I now have a toddler, new baby, unusual double buggy and anyone would think I was walking around naked from the waist down.

If you are happy in your choice and have checked the entry rules then sod them. Ignore them.

"If the theatre allow it and you are careful to immediately remove a noisy/ crying baby then I think its fine. I am sick to death of nosy people who have such boring lives themselves they are far more interested in finding fault in others."

Um - she did ask

?? I know she asked.