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Original poster

taking my baby to the theatre

77 replies

amylou1 · 26/09/2010 15:42

Yesterday I took my 1 month old to a matinee at the Bristol Old Vic. It was a family show and my Mum and I really wanted to see the show (by Kneehigh) and my husband was busy so we took the little one along. I checked with the theatre who said it was fine. She was good as gold and slept in the baby carrier though the whole thing. Noone would have noticed her!

However, I didn't enjoy it at all as just before we went in I passed two women in the foyer and one said to the other, loudly and clearly, looking straight at me, 'she's not seriously thinking of taking that baby in the theatre'. I was so shocked that I couldn't think what to say, walked away and spent the entire performance wondering whether I was a selfish, bad mother!

I knew she'd sleep and the plan was that if she cried we'd quietly leave straight away. I wouldn't want to spoil anyone else's enjoyment.

Why do people think they have a right to speak to new mothers this way? I am super sensitive right now and trying to do everything right for my baby. Just can't get over the rudeness. Wish I'd said something to the woman at the time but I was too shocked and didn' feel like a confrontation.

OP posts:

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MollieO · 26/09/2010 23:09

Ime it is rare that parents of babies do consider others when at the theatre, classical concerts etc. I would have done the same as the OP but I would have been in the minority in leaving if my baby made a disturbance.

We regularly go to classical concerts designed for age 7 up. Every single concert is disturbed by crying babies. Parents never take them out and it drives me nuts. We were at the Royal Opera House this summer for a family performance and I to begin with I couldn't work out what the difference was. Then I realised - absolute silence. No crying babies at all. Age profile the same but ticket prices were higher.

bruffin · 26/09/2010 23:30

If I pay a lot of money for a ticket I do feel it's my right not to have the performance ruined by other peoples selfish behaviour whether its a baby crying or a child who is not ready to sit through a theatre production or an adult who is ill mannered in talking and disturbing others.
If a production is aimed at small babies then yes take them,and I am sure a baby will get something out of it if it is specifically aimed at them. I have taken mine since they were about 2 to the local family productions and 3 for the westend when I was sure they would sit through without disturbing others.

I took DD to see HSM tour and had the last 3 songs completely ruined because the indulgent grandparents in front had bought their GC lightsabres who insisted in waving them in front of our faces , They kept trying to get them out through the whole performance and we complained because we couldn't see but in the end the GPs gave up and let them wave them. There were also an awful lot of children who were far too small to be there and as soon as there was a lull in the procedings ie the actors were talking or singing a slow song, there was a huge increase in talking from the audience and we couldn't hear what was said or sung.

Clary · 26/09/2010 23:41

How bizarre some people are inc posters on here.

What exactly is wrong with taking a child to a children's show??

I have sat through shows where tbh the noisiest people were parents (someone once sat behind me going "ooh look, James, he's getting the moon, ooh did you see that?" etc etc all the way through to a bored lookign DS).

I have taken tiny baby DS2 with me and the older two to children's shows and he slept like yr DD OP.

I took him to something at age 12 mo and he was totally wrapt throughout.

YANBU IMO. I wonder at what age the anti posters would say it was OK to take a child to a children's show at the theatre?

bruffin amazed at yr first post. So a 3yo will get nothing from going to a theatre??? I have been to shows aimed solely at 6mo to 3yos. I wonder if they play to empty auditoria?

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gerontius · 26/09/2010 23:53

A one-month-old isn't exactly a child. How would she get anything out of the theatre?

Clary · 26/09/2010 23:56

Well maybe not, but what if you wanted to take yr older children - that's when I have done it.

And Bruffin said "a baby will get nothing from a theatre production" which I certainly wouldn't agree with, having as I said often taken babies who loved the shows they saw.

amberleaf · 27/09/2010 00:04

I took my 2 week old DS to the christmas panto at my towns theatre, he slept through most of it didnt make a peep.

Dont think id have taken him with me to a west end show obvs.

dont see a problem with it in the circumstances outlined by the OP

GypsyMoth · 27/09/2010 00:06

was this the production which was designated 8+...

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 27/09/2010 00:09

You specifically checked with the theatre and you carefully booked an end-of-row seat so you could escape if necessary, so I don't have a problem with it. It is unusual to have a theatre with that attitude, though -- as someone mentioned earlier, many specialist children's theatres like the Polka Theatre have a strict no-children-under-guideline-age-for-the-specific-show policy.

bruffin · 27/09/2010 00:23

I didn't say a 3 year old wouldn't get anything from going to the theate. MIne went to the westend at 3, I said a baby wouldn't get anything from the theatre . I took miy dcs when I was sure they would be able to sit through a proper production. But as I said a lot of 5 year olds in the HSM production didn't have the attention span for it. I got the impression parents were treating it more like a pantomine when it was a musical.

As i said our local theatre provided a creche for babies and I used to use that until DD was old enough to really enjoy a show when she was about 2. Turned out she was petrified of theatre curtains, but that was another story.

Mammie81 · 27/09/2010 00:27

If its a child specific show, panto etc, no problem.

However taking a baby to a west end type show would be a huge no no. Why would you? The baby would get nothing from it and any noise (lets face it, you are merely lucky if you can get away with no crying) would severely irritate other theatre goers that had paid top dollar to see a performance, not your child screaming.

In that instance, its selfish, rude to everyone else, and the people performing. Sorry but thats how I see it.

peachmuffin · 27/09/2010 00:33

I can not see the problem at all! Next time I hope you enjoy whatever event you go to.

Clary · 27/09/2010 00:35

bruffin you said a creche was a good idea for 2-3 yos, which implies you don't think they should be watching the show.
Sorry if I misinterpreted/extrapolated from yr later post.

bruffin · 27/09/2010 00:49

Actually i have just looked at the local theatre brochure thingy and it specifically says at the back
"In the interest of other patrons, babes in arms are generally not admitted in the main auditorium except where indicated. Tickets must be purchased for all children irrespective of age"
There is one show where babes in arms are admitted at that is a cbeebies thing and even that says suitable from 4-11 . A baby is charged £5 for a ticket.

chocolatestar · 27/09/2010 07:08

You checked with the theatre, if it had been an issue they would have said. Wouldn't bother me at all and I am a big theatre goer. I do think people get a bit snotty when it comes to theatre. I hope you enjoyed the show.

iskra · 27/09/2010 07:19

Wouldn't bother me either, with a young baby like that. DD at 1 month was either asleep or on the boob the whole time, wouldn't have disturbed anyone. I probably would raise an eye if I saw a crawler in the theatre though (unless at a children's show).

GypsyMoth · 27/09/2010 10:19

yes but if its the show i think it was....it says 8+.....now where do you draw the line?? 6 weeks? 6 months? 1 year??

also...no ticket,then how does that work with fire regs/health and safety etc?

domeafavour · 27/09/2010 10:25

in what way is taking a baby different from taking a toddler or a child?
they act up or make noise, you take them out, it's simple... and doesn't need stupid comments that could make a new mother feel really bad.
good on you!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 27/09/2010 10:39

DS and I were both completely put off going to productions aimed at children because of the behaviour of parents and their smaller children.

I would completely support a policy of no DCs under a certain age if it meant we didn't have to endure utterly inappropriate pre-schooler heckling or grizzly babies. It would be a shame to have to implement this, but some parents are completely inconsiderate.

OTHO though OP, assuming you didn't mishear or misunderstand then I can see why it upset you. They were rude and unkind.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 27/09/2010 10:40

domeafavour a lot of people don't remove grizzly babies and (worse) PITA toddlers. If only they did.

GypsyMoth · 27/09/2010 10:41

if it says 8+ then i would not expect to find toddlers in there either!!!!

QueenSconetta · 27/09/2010 11:11

I applaude you for getting there while you can because if your DD is anything like mine she won't sit still for more than 5 mins soon!

I think the best you can hope for is the rude old ladies now feel bad for being so rude to you, see as there wasn't a peep out of your LO and they were proved totally wrong.

Its funny how these things ruin your day though. We were out for lunch recently (my birthday) and were in a family friendly pub-grub type place with my DD who is 10 months, and before we had even all sat down the people at the next table got up and moved to another table on the other side of the restaurant! This really upset me for some reason, they hadn't done anything wrong, they weren't rude or anything and its perfectly understandable that they didn't want to sit next to a baby.

I think what upset me was they had presumed my DD would be badly behaved without even giving her a chance. In fact she was excellently behaved as we fed her, then she played quietly with the toys we had brought for her, and she had some bits off our plates. Like you, we knew she would sit fairly well, otherwise we wouldn't have taken her and if she had started to be disruptive I would have taken her straight out, whether it meant cold food or not as also like you, I don't believe other people should be disturbed by my baby when they are out for a meal.

I did have to laugh when another family with a much bigger and much noisier baby came and sat beside them though

One thing I have learned about Mumsnet is I am continually surprised by people's views, and they are usually very different from my own, you have to develop a think skin around here!

What I am trying to say in a very rambling way is that people are often rude and judgemental about children's behaviour, and it is hard to just shrug it off sometimes but please don't let it upset you or put you off going out, whilst I don't think I would have been brave enough to take my DD to the theatre, you knew she would not be a problem and your were right. Don't let rude people who know neither you or your baby spoil it for you, x.

anonymosity · 27/09/2010 14:30

Amylou I'm sorry the women at the theatre were so rude and insensitive, especially when you were feeling vulnerable. As you say it was a family show matinee and the theatre said it was fine, and she slept. Discussion over. Ignore rude people in the theatre and on mumsnet!

pagwatch · 27/09/2010 14:40

QueenSconetta

Are you sure they moved because theythought your child would disturb them?

I had a very angry woman come over to me in a cafe once and shout at me about what a fucking bitch I was to move from one table to the other side ofthe room when she and her children had just sat next to me.
I had actually ,oved to be next to the window because I had not brought my glasses and I couldn't see.

I have moved away from tables with children beforethough. This is on evenings out . And that is because if I wanted to have a shared experience with children I would have bought my own. Also I am really quickly 'triggered' by a crying or grazzling child. It throws me completely in that my urge to do something to help becomes incredibly distracting. So a woman can have a toddler sitting in a buggy grizzling because they are justtired or somesuch but I will be getting irrationally adjitated.
It isn't there fault. But it isn't my fault. And if I am out on one of th few occasions when I can get childcare I don't want to be fretting about other peoples kids.
So I move .
I can't be martyr enough to stay where I am and uncomfortable so thatthe parents of the toddler/child feel relaxed. I want to be relaxed too

saucetastic · 27/09/2010 14:44

FGS! Can't believe some of the comments. The OP is in the industry. She knows the protocols about children in theatre. Esp. with family shows and this particular company, Kneehigh, and venue.

So sorry you encountered this rude woman. Please keep taking your child to the theatre, I did when my ds was one, and not always children's shows - i was industry also and had to keep abreast. Like you, i knew if he was getting tetchy and would sit in the escape seats at the back. I stopped taking him to theatre aimed at adults when the wriggling started.

MoonFaceMama · 27/09/2010 15:25

haven't read all posts as quite frankly i couldn't put up with any more whinging. Good on you op. Who cares if the baby doesn't get anything out of it. They don't get much out of anything at this age, doesn't mean you should be stuck at home.

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