Raising a daughter,how wonderful is it?

[TooBlessedToBeStressed]

a few months ago,i saw a thread which talked about the joys of raising boys over girls,my DD was only a few weeks old,i didn't know anything. i was wondering if there are any mothers willing to share their own joys of raising girls,

For me,DD is devine,i can be in a group with other mothers,DD always gets the attention,i can be walking with a friend who is carrying her son,DD gets greeted,touched,complimented,you name it,i look at my little girl and wonder how on earth i carried such a beautiful human being,

please do share,what can i look forward to in future,what do you enjoy doing with your DD that you do not do with your DS?

I think the OP only wanted to sing the praises of girls to counteract the fact there was recently a thread about how great boys are. So for what it's worth, some of the best things about having girls are...

I get to dress them in things I wish I could wear... polka dot leggings, stripey dresses, big psychadelic flower prints, it's ace

The backhanded compliment when people say 'ahhh, she's so cute, she looks just like you!'

Being able to read books and play games I loved when I was a child.

I love the fact my 2.5 yo looks so girly and angelic with her blonde curls but is actually a real tomboy who can beat any boy hands down on the big climbing frame - always takes people by surprise

Tooblessed, I think the problem nowadays is that boys are very much seen as the second prize in the lottery of having children and those mums who 'only' have boys can get a little defensive about being told that the will miss out on so much because they don't have a daughter.

And yes I am talking from experience!

I saw the thread you mentioned (and many others) and there were people on there who were negative about having boys as well as positive.

And if anyone trots out that bollocks one more time about "a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life a son is a son til he takes a wife" I might lose the plot!

It's a shame that we have to have these threads at all - having experienced years of infertility it would be nice if everyone was just grateful for their gorgeous beautiful children and stopped comparing genders all the time.

Anyway, that's just my opinion .

But the original joy of raising boys thread was to counteract the "girls are so lovely" attitude the the OP is sharing.

One big circle.

I would have loved 3 boys.

I cried at the 20 week scan when they said DD was going to be a girl.

I have two dd's and they couldn't be more different. Dd1 (5) is a tom boy, hates dresses and skirts, loves everything blue and typical boys toys, spends her life on the Wii or picking up creepy crawlies (although she is also extremely fastidious and always very very clean).

Dd2 (2) is totally girly. Into everything pink, wants to be a princess when she grows up, loves dancing and ballet. And is always filthy!

So I'm not sure I am much help here as I can't say what it is like raising a "daughter". But I will say that raising my daughters is the funniest, hardest, most brilliant, most tiring and most incredible thing in the world.

You'll love it.

I agree with you Knitting, as I already stated further up. But it is nice to be able to sing the praises of the child you have. As long as you don't achieve this by deriding the child you don't. I don't apply this rule only to gender.

And that a girl is yours for life bollocks is the polar opposite of 'boys love their mummies so much more than girls'.

It's all rubbish.

I think that idiots are idiots. Boys aren't the second prize and I don't think this is the popular sentiment. You get as many idiots sympathising with mothers of only girls as you do mothers of only boys. I know dh was roundly consoled for not getting a son and heir. I was pitied because I'd never know what it was like to have a boy who really loved his Mum? Eh?

People say stupid crap about other people's lives without thinking. Says everything about them and nothing about the rest of us.

Yes, I think the 'bigging up of boys' was because generally its seen as much nicer to have girls. There are many threads on here when people are sad they're having a boy but I don't think I've ever seen the opposite.

But anyway - I have 2 ds's and now a DD. All are obviously fab

For me though I suppose I am happy to have a girl to dress in pretty stuff etc.

But really each child is so different it is quite hard to generalise.

I see nothing wrong in saying (on MN or in RL) that "girls are so lovely" because, well, they are. The problem is when people then say or imply "and they're better than boys, so nuh". It's another aspect of the (in my view) immature and competitive approach to parenting.

I agree with Knittingisbetterthantherapy that, having been in the situation of not expecting to have a child at all, I would have been just as thrilled if dd had been a ds. It would have been a very different experience and probably would have taken me farther out of my comfort zone (which might have been a good thing) but it wouldn't have been a worse experience.

I'm intrigued, though, by the suggestion that "boys are very much seen as the second prize in the lottery of having children". Are they? It seems to me that we're still a very long way from being an equal society and there are plenty of ways in which boys are valued more than girls. Every time my local authority builds a youth facility, for example, it's actually a facility for boys - skate park, basketball pitch etc - with some token usage by girls.

I'm not trying to start an argument - I really am interested to know where all this pro-girl bias comes from.

Asmallbunch - I think that a lot of people think girls are easier. You know, they'll sit and colour and plait each others hair whilst boys tear around like mad things (obviously I am exagerrating).

I also think on mn its because of all the awful mil threads - lets face it - who wants that to look forward to?

But why is a skate park meant for boys? Isn't that just stereotyping? What should they build 'just for girls' then?

Asmallbunchofflowers, exactly what tracybath said - I have seen soooo many threads on MN over the years where women have sobbed cos they're expecting a boy. Not ONE where they have been upset about expecting a girl.

I was offered plenty of sympathy in RL after the birth of my 2nd son .

And every time I mention my desire for a third child some numpty trots out, "Is that because you want a girl?".

And it is often followed by "then you'll have a girl to dress in pretty stuff" as if I'm giving birth to a doll!

I'm similarly intrigued to know why you think a skateboard park has to be for boys, what would you want for girls, a sewing circle?!

Anyway, my kids are the best in the world bar none .

traceybath, I used to think the opposite. That people on here were disappointed to be having girls, but then realised that it was because I have a girl and my protective ear pricks at those threads. I've looked at it objectively since seeing somebody say that it's always that people want girls and actually realised that it's pretty equal. I've just searched the archives. There are as many disappointed it's a girl threads as there are disappointed it's a boy threads.

I think wanting one gender when pregnant/trying is common and based on myriad factors. Things like not wanting to recreate a relationship you had with your own parents, a bad experience growing up with a certain gender group. It's not something people can control, but I think in 99% of cases the child you get is absolutely the best thing to happen to you and that disappointment is only for what you once thought you might have. Actually having a child teaches you many things, not least of which, that gender is irrelevant to the way in which you adore your child.

Knitting, as I said they're just numpties. I've had as many people ask me if I'll have another to try and have a boy, won't poor dh feel disappointed not to have a boy, oh what a shame you don't have a straightforward boy instead of a bitchy, manipulative girl.

Stupid people say stupid things.

And there are many 'disappointed about having a girl' posts on MN. I started a thread once...

Tracey - Yes, I've seen plenty of those threads and the stereotyping that goes on there is very depressing - my dd has always been a swinging-by-the-toes-from-the-top-of-the-climbing-frame kind of gal and far more 'boyish' in her behaviour than many boys.

I guess what intrigues me (without getting too poncy/sociological about it) is that there seems to be this groundswell of opinion that little girls are so much nicer/easier/desirable than little boys, yet when it comes to public policy, it's the needs of boys which come first. The two don't seem to fit together very well.

Icontrol, that's interesting - I've never seen one .

asmallbunch, cos policy makers think girls are all at home plaiting each other's hair while the boys are out collecting ASBOs!

My dd is growing fast into a 'grown up' but she isn't even 10 yo. She is so self assured and talented and wise and she will be a strong woman for sure. However, she doesn't give me the belly aching laughs my wonderful ds does. They are both unique and wonderful to me in equal measure, but then doesn't every mother feel this way about their dcs .

Knitting - I fear you're right!

What if it's a girl?

Lady wanting a boy, worried it will be a girl

Gutted to be having another girl

Pregnant woman with girls, not wanting another girl

People who have encountered the 'what a shame it's a girl' sentiment

Same again

Okay, so that's just a quick search and the first few results. And only threads about wanting a boy not a girl. If you look at individual posts on threads about gender disappointment, you see the split too.

It does work both ways.

I used to feel that way about my DD, that she was the most gorgeous well behaved DC ever.

I felt the same about DD2 and my DS.

I think your post is just the outpouring of a DM who is besotted with her DD and I think that is lovely.

There is always someone that will take offence.

Nothing at all wrong with asking this question OP, everyones just getting their knickers in a twist for no reason!

My DD, 17 months, is wonderful and gorgeous and sweet..she notices when I am walking barefoot around the house and follows me with my slippers, and she kisses me and DH awake when shes sleeping with us...if I go out for the evening without her and leave her to DH, she sits in the window and waves at me sadly, and then greets me with so much love when I get in that it makes my heart break..She 'knows' the titles of her books, so when I tell her to get a certain book, she runs and gets it, my clever little chicken!

OP think I understand what you meant. I have a 6 year old DS and a soon to be 3 year old DD. Both are great, and individuals. With DD I am enjoying re-Reading pippi longstocking which I could also read with DS obviously! I find other people enjoy buying clothes more for DD than DS personally I find boys easier to dress!

To be fair icontrol, the first thread is worried about her husband's reaction, and the next three are women who already have girls. I'm talking about women who don't have any girls and desperately wanting a boy.

Lynli and spareroom, it's not a question of taking offence - why can't we be proud of our DC without specifically talking about their gender?

IControlSandwichMonkey great post I have always felt fiercly protective of ds ( I have one of each now btw) and I can see your point and it pleases mw to hear boys are not as undervalued as I thought but they are slightly less valued women with two boys are 3% more likely to have a third than women of two daughters here .

Which may not seem like much but when you are talking 3% of billions you are talking a lot of people.

Op I would say what is great about my dd but my children seem a little mixed up dd is independent much more adventurous and always on the go. Ds is very caring and normally found sat down with me talking or colouring gender means very little before puberty it is personality that matters

Knitting, I picked the first threads that came up on a search. And yes there are threads by women who have none and desperately want a boy. I started one of them. And I'm ashamed now but I spoke to lots of women on here who felt the same way.

My friend's Dad is a GP and works abroad in a country where people show a disgusting preference for having boys and do some despicable things to ensure they don't have girls.

I think preferences for gender here largely come from personal experience and familial situations and they are largely harmless and come to nothing. And in a wider context, it is not possible to make value judgements about which gender is more privileged in order to see where any supposed bias might come from. Because there are inequalities all over the place that go both ways. The same as the desire for each gender goes both ways

We all know ultimately that having either gender is wonderful because of the brilliant, unique joy that each child brings. But sometimes it is permissable to say why having a girl or a boy is nice in relation to the inevitable differences that it might throw up. As long as the celebration of one is not the derision of the other, as long as it isn't achieved by comparison then praising the joy of raising a child is only ever a good thing. And sometimes gender makes a difference to how that joy manifests itself.

I really wanted a boy but got a girl and she is fab - I love the way she runs up to me and DP to give us kisses!
I'm expecting my second and boy or girl it will be the most talented, gorgeous and amazing child because it is mine! (oh and I'll encourage lots of kisses whether it's a boy or girl too!) :)