think i must be a really selfish,lazy person cos motherhood is too hard!

[selfishmum]

I feel SO guilty but I need to talk to someone.

I've got 2 kids, age 6 and 3. I have 2 sets of healthy,retired grandparents, both live 1 mile away and both are very very happy to mind kids anytime.

Husband is brilliant and does loads in house and with kids.

I am very lucky I know.

I find my kids exhausting, especially the hours between 3 - 6.30pm when husband gets home. They never stop shouting/playing/trashing the house and asking and asking for raisins, toast, fruit, yoghurt, crackers, drink, pancakes on and on on. If I say no to the 3yr old he goes nuts, screaming and stamping his feet (normal 3 yr old stuff)and is fairly easily distracted but still have to figure out a way to distract him.

I just find them so noisy and demanding. All I ever want to do is find some peace and quiet and read a book, watch tele, go out for a bike ride - all me, me, me stuff.

Today a mum in playground said to me that she didn't want the summer holidays to end because she misses her 3 kids when they're not around. I felt so awful cos I was counting down the days till they went back to school.

I do love them and when we're in a big family group or with friends I love being with them, am dead proud of them, I love them to bits when they're asleep!

I feel so guilty that I've got it so good and I still struggle to cope.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Oh good grief, you are definitely not alone! Some mothers are very maternal and love to spend over minute of the day with their horrible little sods little angels.

Then there are mothers like us, who find them annoying, loud, demanding and frequently want to strangle then and/or run for the hills! And I can assure you that millions of mothers breathed a huge sigh of relief when schools went back last week!

This is why I work full time!

Don't worry, don't feel guilty, it's darned hard work, but you're doing great. You love them, you take care of them, no-one said you have to like every moment of parenthood!

You do need to find that 'me time' though, or you'll go nuts. Pack them off to the grandparents, then read that book or go for that bike ride.

But in the 3-6.30 slot, aren't you sitting them down for a meal.

Aren't "raisins, toast, fruit, yoghurt, crackers, drink, pancakes" just stuff you have while you are desperately waiting for your dinner?

Often! I am sure you are a lovely and normal mum!!!

I feel that way most the time too....

Sod the stupid 'eating together' malarky. give them their dinner at 5pm, bath at half past, and dried and pyjama'd and looking at books for when daddy comes home to put them into bed!

Yep.
Oh yep indeed.

I adore my children but I feel like that. I think its because I have so much to do other than just look after and play with them and I feel so tired. It makes me , I have just done bathtime and they shout and shout and I feel exhausted and just want to put them straight to bed.

It sounds like they have energy that needs burning off after nursery/school. How about going to the park, with a snack, letting them tire themselves out and then heading back for teatime at about 5 ish?

You are NOT the only person who feels that way.

Those three and a half hours are pretty short if you haven't already done most of the day though - couldn't you ask for more help in those hours? If you feel bad about admitting you need help, invent a complex dental issue that will involve semi-regular dentists appointments within those hours ;)

No you're not alone

But you do need to feed them at around 4 or 5 - no point in keeping them whingy and tired and hungry until your DH comes home.

I feel exactly the same way and I only have one DC. I feel guilty that I can't wait for him to start at preschool tomorrow.

i do feed them at 5pm...they mither me for food beforehand, then have tea, then carry on mithering....tonight I just said a firm no to both of them.

Husband has just come home from work to find 6yr crying in her bedroom because 'mummy is being all shouty and won't let me eat anything' (more guilt,guilt, guilt for me)

thanks for all your replies - i do feel a lot better knowing i'm not on my own.

I was obviously showing the strain on the second-to-last day of the holidays, as the Ocado woman asked if I was looking forward to them going back to school, as she unloaded the bags and three children ran riot in the hall behind me.

Two of them weren't even mine.

I think it's totally normal to go through phases of feeling like this and your dc are at a demanding age.

Two things:

(1) How do you feel in yourself if you don't mind me asking? I'm much more susceptible to dd's tantrums when I'm not feeling fulfilled/happy in my own life. Try and fix a non-negotiable period of time every week (1 hour or 2 at least) to do what YOU want to do. It can make all the difference.

(2) When dd was younger, I went through the same thing of her whinging and demanding food all the time during the witching hrs between nursery and supper. In the end, instead of filling her up with endless "until supper" snacks - I gave her a proper dinner as soon as we got home at 3.45/4.00pm (tip from Finnish neighbour). It worked! She then calmly had her snack after her bath in her pjs with dh and I while we were eating just before her bedtime. Continued this until she was 5 and a half. Might be worth a try.

Good luck!

You're not selfish at all. You're normal. I'm the sort of person who requires time alone otherwise I literally feel like my heads cracking in 2. I don't get it, obviously, with a 4 year old and an 11m old baby so my head's in pieces. dd is like dh, constantly talking, wanting attention,interventions, input questions,DH is like this too even tho he's an adult, v demanding of my attention. Pulls a face if I pick up a book/mn/anything as he wants us to f**king well TALK all the time.

I'm very selfish, every week I go to yoga, gym x3 out with friend to theatre/cinema/gig 1x per week, book group1x per month, lone bike ride at the weekend plus coffee/meet ups with friends.I do this so I'm not a screaming miserable banshee when I'm with them and can actually do nice stuff with them.

Oh and I've got a 3 day sans kids and dh break to Italy planned in 2 weeks (with 3 mates) and a yoga retreat in November. I'm the epitome of selfish, don't worry yourself.

People who have paid jobs - do they come home pirouetting with delight, burst through the door saying 'I LOVE MY JOB', get really sad when it's time to take a 2-week holiday, write little notes to their boss telling them how much they enjoy spending time with them?

No. They moan. They moan non-stop about their jobs, bosses, colleagues. Doesn't mean that they don't quite enjoy them some of the time, that there are good days, that the job suits them better than most others would, that there are moments when the job makes them feel a sense of self-worth.

You're allowed to moan about your job too. Even when the little loves are at school, there's still 18 hours of the day when they are with you. Those sorts of hours are illegal in any paid work.

How about fixing yourself a couple of days on your own in a glamorous city doing non-childy things? Sounds like you need a break.

Great post, Maktaitai.

Brilliant post, maktaitai

great posts - thank you so much! I feel so much better!

For what it's worth, I'm similar to minx in that I too do make sure i get a lot of alone time otherwise i crack up...and again I feel guilty cos i know loads of mums who just can't do that but you can only live your own life can't you?

I've given my daughter a big hug tonight and we've made a deal that if she tries not to be naughty tomorrow, I'll try not to shout!

I am glad I found this thread!!! I feel exactly the same way. I find it harder on days I've slept badly. I hate the sound of my voice when I am yelling at almost 6year old dd. Motherhood is probably easier for some than others. The only reason I hated it when schools opened again was the packed lunch ordeal

Great post Maktaitai.

Ahhhh I have been here and went back to work really soon with both of my boys as I just felt like a bad mum at home, always moaning etc.

I am about to be SAHM again and only time will tell how I will manage this time. I now have studying to give me ME time and stimulate me separately to the kids. I think the key is to ME time.

Those hours after school/nursery are the killers thought - completely agree. I struggle to fill those without moaning, fights etc.

I completely understand.

I couldn't wait for DS to start playgroup and school. The best thing I did was going back to work part time.

I had no family and ex husband worked very, very long hours and we couldn't afford for me to have transport. I felt so trapped and tied down. I managed to go to the gym once a week, but it wasn't really enough, to be honest.

DS is now aged 12 and I really enjoy his company now but I still need me time and still enjoy work and having read this thread, I'm going to start going to the gym twice a week too as well as the coffee / chats with friends.

Good thread to start!

For me, there are times when it's heavenly and times when it's hellish and completely unpredictable as to which is which.

I've had both today, and yesterday which is why I looked at the thread!

I'm going to try what Colditz said about the early dinner and bath today.