Those with pre school age dc's and no childcare ...

[Tillyscoutsmum]

What do you do about things like doctor's/dentist/hospital appointments ? Or, slightly more frivolous but still important (imo) things like going to the hair dressers ?

I am a SAHM with 2 pre-school age dc's. I have no family support and really struggle to get things done. Its worse atm because I have a terminally ill relative who I want to see as much as possible but don't want to keep dragging the dc's along to the hospital etc.

How does everyone manage ?

friends with similar age DCs

DH taking the odd morning or afternoon off work for important stuff.. i.e hospital, not hair dressers !!

i found a CM who would take the DCs the odd day without a retainer

hairdressers or anything like that when DH was off work. or find a mobile hairdresser/beautician who'll come to the house

I am sorry about your relative

surely your friends could help look after the DCs for a few hours under the circs?

have a moble hairdresser come to your house. you'll also find that theres someone who'll wax etc at home!
for doctors, dentist etc i used to take them with me.
do you go to any toddler groups? if so are there any mums that can help? you can also then return the favour

I take them with me to the GPs, Dentist etc although I flatly refuse to take then to the hairdressers so have to try to fit my appointment in around DH's shifts.

You may have to ask your friends for help in looking after your DC while you are visitig. People are often glad to help but don't tend to offer because you seem to be coping.

I always took the Dcs with me everywhere.

In your circumstances though I would not hesitate to ask a friend if they can help to allow you to visit your relative.

Does the hospital have nursery? Try ringing them and see if they will take the children for the odd hour. If they have space they may be glad of money.

As above, I have a hairdresser who comes to my house and does us all. They watch TV whilst I have my hair done. Doctors etc they come with me. DH takes time off if there is something urgent. DD1 does to preschool (and DD2 to start soon) so I book things then so I only have to take 1 with me!

Hairdressers on a Saturday when dh is around
opticians is at boots and they do weekend appointments
dentist, I go during work hours

Thanks all. Mobile hairdresser is a great idea. Will see if I can find one.

at Riven's DC3

I'm just feeling a bit crappy and resentful at the moment. All my friends seem to have loads of support (and usually whinge about how they hate their MIL etc. whilst at the same time being happy for them to look after their dc's at the drop of a hat ). DH works for himself and can be quite flexible, when it suits him. He'll often pop out for a bike ride when working from home but if I ask him to look after the dc's whilst I do something, its a big issue. I'm just fed up of have to beg for a bit of time to do anything.

Sorry for the self indulgent whinge. I know people have it worse than me and I'm being unreasonable (hence why this isn't in AIBU )

No practical advice to add to the above, but just to send sympathy. Lots of people are in your position, and lots of us have been there and survived

but at the time it feels v hard, especially if you have other friends who do have grandparents etc close by and childcare on tap. I've to two older dc's so went through your stage a while ago, and now have dd3 who is 2 and am having childcare stress all over again. I just long to have someone on hand to scoop her up when I get stuck at work, or am ill or whatever.

But this phase will pass and then you will miss it and feel all lost when you go shopping by yourself

OP, at your DH - the underlying message here is that he needs to give you more support, my DH plays squash but only books a game if he checks with me first (not for permission - just to check that we are free).

Have a word with him - he really needs to let you have some time to yourself for a little 'me' time. Go pamper yourself at the hairdressers every 6 weeks - that isnt a lot to ask i reckon.

for doctors and stuff my husband will take a couple of hours off work and for the hairdresser I go when they are open on the evening when husband is back or the weekend

I only had 1 DC, but had no support and was a single parent from when DS was 4 years old and prior to that Ex DH worked 13 hour days, 6 days a week anyway.

DS came everywhere with me. I took him to the hairdressers once and he ran riot - I gave up after that and either paid my childminder for longer or waited until he was at school.

You have my utmost sympathy.

That is bad of your DH - you really need to make him see that. If he is at home and not busy, or can make time in his day to do the things he wants then he needs to accommodate you going to the hairdressers or something.

DS comes with me to Drs, midwife etc. Hairdressers my Mum does help out - I get my hair cut at her hairdresser which is just down the road from her house. DS and I go to visit for the day, have lunch with my parents and then they take him out for the afternoon while I get my hair cut. Other than that it would be a Saturday morning while DH looked after DS.

Seriously though, just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean that your DH can abdicate all responsibility for looking after his children 100% of the time - especially if he is his own boss and can therefore be flexible if he chooses to be.

Yes to people coming to the house though - I have a lovely lady who does my pedicures who comes to the house. No it isn't as relaxing as going to a lovely spa, because DS wants to come and see what's going on etc - but it is better than not having them at all!

I take them. They've sat quietly in hospital waiting rooms, heckled loudly during haircuts and even sat commentating during smear tests

However when I need time alone (e.g. the gym etc.) DH steps in (and I go at nuts-o'clock for this reason).

Regarding visiting hospitals - I would suggest you talk to your friends and see if you could try a babysitting/playdate trade so they take yours for two hours and you take theirs for two hours etc. I'm always willing to look after one or two more when there is good reason - I know people don't like to ask but people do like to be asked for help, when they can give it.

I take the children with me to essential appts. But the hairdressers (where I only go about once every 2 yrs) I get a Sat appt so my DH can mind them.

I was going to say same about hairdresser- just had highlights for first time as dhs cousin is a hairdresser who came to the house with her baby and myself and another friend had our hair and the kids hair done and took it in turns to entertain the kids.

where do you live? how about making friends on local chat and arranging a babysitting circle type thing?

A mix of
Taking boy with me
or
swapping short childcare with a a friend or two, so the boys would go to PLAY" at their friends house for an hour or two while mother had appointment.
or
Dh taking the odd half days leave.
or
A childminder on an occasional basis if she has a space on the day I need one.

While I have one child, one of friends I would swap with has two ( close in age), so don't assume all mums of one will refuse to have 2 extra for a short time.

Just to say I know how you feel...my dp works from home and sounds exactley the same-even down to bike rides, its his favourite pastime! I use a mobile hairdresser, she also does ds' hair, where I dont think he'd sit in a salon. Otherwise I just take him to everything else with me, most times I think he enjoys it as dr's, dentist etc. make a big fuss of him.

I recently started him in nursery 2 mornings a week, as number 2 is arriving next week. Its amazing what a difference having those 2 mornings to get stuff done makes-is there any way you could do this just for a few hrs a week?

I take DD everywhere, but she's v used to it, she's been dragged arond meetings for work etc since she was 5 weeks so has never known different, when we're at a doctors/in a meeting etc she's as good as gold, it's when we're home we have problems!

You have my sympathy. Lots of it. My last dental appointment was memorable for having the baby sprawled across pregnant belly, whilst 4 year old kicks chair in bored fashion and 2 year old cries because she wants to be on dentist chair too. It's good isn't it?.

And, er that's why I'm late on what's meant to be annual smears.

And hair hasn't been cut since DD2 was born.

Not in your position now that mine are at school, but I was in your position for five years. As others have said, DH stood in for dire emergencies (like having burst appendix). Hairdressers: no. If anything, a very, very quick trim with children suitably bribed, fed, and entertained with stories while hairdresser cut a centimetre off my hair. Dentist: nightmare. I remember the dentist saying that DD couldn't come in with me. She was a clingy toddler at the time. I didn't look in a clothes shop for five years. But it does change again once they go to school.

Well, my dc were 2.8 years apart, so we only had a few months where both children were at home full time. Dd went to pre-school for 3 hours a day from age 3+.

Hairdresser on Saturdays or late night.

Dentist on same day as DH and take the dc with.

Doctors - take the dc with, or dh had to stay home if it was urgent (can't remember that happening in 5 years, tbh).