So how much harder is it with 2 children ?

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We are trying to conceive dc 2. We already have a ds who turned 3 this month. He is great, talkative, lively and a little argumentative, seems to need a lot of adult input which I am sure they all do at three years.

Anyway, everyone keeps saying how much harder it is with more children and one of my friends even said she wishes she had stopped with one .

Now we really want another child. It feels as though there is another person in our family that is missing. But life is very comfortable at the moment. DS sleeps 12 hours a night, eats well and is finally not a baby anymore! Things in our household seem to have a nice balance to them at the minute and I am scared to change that.

Can anyone offer any advice or tips and just generally prepare me for it please?

You have a sensible age gap so shouldn't be too hard!!

I have a 16mth age gap and it was bloody hard work .

I think you'll find the first few months tiring, but you'll adjust. Having two is fab - my two are really starting to interact with each other now and the brotherly love is wonderful.

I would never have stopped at one - once you've got the hard yards over with you have companions. I think one, in the long run, is harder.

Good luck with ttc .

I was told before DC2 that it is 10x harder with two. Bit depressing but it seems about right, mainly because you don't get the break. I find I'm up a lot in the night with DS and DD rarely naps in the day now so I don't have that chance to catch up with sleep. I feel myself getting rattier as the day goes on but then DS climbs onto DD's bed in the morning and plays peekaboo with her covers while they giggle and giggle and it is such a happy thing.

Tips:

Its hard work for a short period of time but they will have years of being close and loving each other which is a huge gift.

If DS goes to pre-school/nursery etc use the time he is out to sleep!

Get out of the house with both of them as much as possible to wear them out.

In short, go for it.

First month year was crazy, then it got easier. Now couldn't imagine life without two, they are just delicious together (mostly) - though agree you don't get the break til they are asleep as much but then you get nursery... school... so agree, go for it!

and well, we are expecting number 3 in Jan... am wondering how much harder it will be with three... eek

Had dd2 6 weeks ago and I love it.

Yes it's busier and things seem to take a lot longer to do but it's fantastic. Feel tired but not excessively so - I think once you've got used to sleep deprivation the first time round the shock is not the same second time.

It helps that dd1 (aged 2.9) really loves her little sister and hasn't shown any jealousy - that's just lucky.

I'd go for a third if I wasn't getting on a bit

There is a 6 year gap between my two dds (I too couldn't decide whether to have another one!). It was the best decision I ever made, honestly. I'm so glad I didn't have just one child. I'm not knocking anyone who has one child - just for me it was the right decision.

Difficult question though and one only you can answer.

Um, it is harder with two, but not impossibly so.

Within a few weeks of DS2's arrival it all felt normal, and there were some days when it felt no harder than having just DS1, and others when it was 10 times harder. And it has got much easier as they've got older, especially once DS1 was potty trained and DS2 was weaned (there are 19 months between them).

And I agree it is odd to think of an unknown baby turning your settled family life upside down, perhaps for the worse - I felt really guilty about DS1 when DS2 was on the way, because I knew that his very happy mummy-centred world would change forever, but I also knew that giving him a sibling would be the best thing we could do for him, even if he did point at the baby every time it was in my arms for a long while and yell 'basket' (at least it wasn't 'bin'!).

Good luck with your decision, but don't let other people's scare stories panic you into thinking that having another baby is so difficult. Everyone's circumstances are different, but if, as it sounds, you've done a good job with DS1, there is no reason why you can't manage with two. You'll be more relaxed, having done it once before, and second children are (famous last words) usually much easier than first....

Wow sounds hard! Thanks both of you. I understand the first year or 2 will be difficult as I found having one hard when he was young but as time goes on I just realise how much he enriches our lives and what a beautiful person he is. I just don't want him to be an only child and I can not imagine never having another baby.

I like the fact that you both talk about the love between the siblings. It must be lovely to see.

I don't mind the lack of sleep really as I only need a few hours my self to function! I never slept in the day even when ds was a baby and I had nothing else to do when he was napping! But I do worry that if the next baby is an awful sleeper then it will disturb ds who is mardy as his backside when he doesn't sleep.

He starts preschool in September so will be out the house every weekday morning which may be good time for one on one time with the baby or just housework etc.

Still nervous though! We have finally got to the point with ds where we can take him on holidays and just day trips without packing everything but the kitchen sink and now we are throwing ourselves right back into it all over again!

There is 6 years between DS1 and DS2, TBH it is harder work with 2 but that could mostly be because I had totally moved out of baby mode and have found it all a bit of shock to be back to nappies etc.

One of the downsides is very little down time. I finish sorting out DS2 and DS1 needs something whereas before once DS1 was sorted my time was my own.

Totally worth it though, watching them together makes my heart ache it is so lovely. DS1 adores him, he is just so gentle and considerate and loving towards DS2 and DS2 watches and waits until DS1 is in the room and then doesn't take his eyes off him.

If we are sitting around on the weekend and DS2 is having a feed, the second he is done eating he is reaching towards DS1 because he wants to be with him.

I have also found the broken nights much harder this time around (even though DS2 is a better sleeper than DS1 was and is really pretty good).

You can't just write the day off, you have to be up and doing.

There is just under 2 years between my two. I agree it is hard work at the beginning with two little ones, but I don't think it was ever as bad as your friend is making out. (or have I forgotten the true horror of two under 2!).

Now mine are 4 and 6 they are little play mates - they play together lovely, most of the time. Certain aspects of my life are easier than my friends with only one. It's swings and round- a-bouts, mine keep each other amused, but it's hard to give two all the attention every time they want it.

two children is harder in the first few months, while getting used to the change of routine and while dc1 adjusts. Honestly? i was floored by how tired i was, how much harder disrupted sleep was, how hard it was to get more than a couple of hours at a time sleep. But then, ds (dc2) was/is not a great sleeper, if he was, that would not have been so hard.

Now, ds is 9m and dd is 4. the gap is great, they adore each other and we are really seeing the reason we had two children. The house is constantly full of laughter, and I feel proud every day of both my children and the love there is in my family. I would not have it any other way, and cannot imagine a time when DS was not part of us.

The sleep is still a bit of an issue for me, i long for more sleep, but i have a long time to live and sleep yet!

morloth DS does that reaching out too! Sometimes, he does it while feeding! DD will sit next to him 'reading' him a story at bedtime and he will look up at her while feeding, reach out and be all doe-eyed. He follows her, he gives her the best grins, woops and squeals, he loves 'jumping' on her and he looks for her when he wakes up. He is besotted with her.

Awww what lovely stories everyone! Thank you for sharing your experiences. I think ds would make a lovely big brother. He is very gentle but I am not sure if he'd have any jelousy issues really, I suppose there is no way of predicting that really!

Sounds like a lot of hard work but well worth it.

oh tips. I did not give any tips.

Don't stress too much about baby no.2 and what he eats when he is being weaned, its soooo much easier if you just give him mashed version of dc1s food! DS now has pretty much what DD has, tonight he had a chunk of lamb to chomp on, carrots and swede mashed, a couple of roast potatoes, and one mashed up. For lunch he had tuna sarnies!

You can make sure dc1 gets some attention at bedtime ( i found this time the hardest to organise routine wise) by reading bedtime stories in either your bed when feeding your dc2 or in dc1s bedroom while feeding dc2. Also in the day, read stories and play quiet games (cards, sing nursery rhymes) while feeding dc2, gives you some time still and reduce the resentment of lack of time while feeding baby.

Take ALL the help offered, and ask if not offered - meals, someone taking ds to give you a break.

Be prepared for very little husband/wife time for quite a while.

There is 2.5y between my two. The first 9m was HARD and I mean HARD . God only knows how I managed last summer when DS was 3mo (bf and not sleeping) and there was no playgroup/toddler group to entertain DD. If DH was 20 seconds late home from work, I was beside myself, as would convince myself I could manage until 6pm but no later !!!

However, it is a lot easier now, sometimes I'd go so far as to say easier than with one. DD went to stay with GPs recently, and DS was such hard work as he missed her so much, and I actually had to entertain him myself !

There are still times when they both start crying at the same time, or are squabbling, or both demanding something IMMEDIATELY, when I think my head is going to explode, but generally it is ok (and v rewarding!). Your gap of potentially 4y should be a lot easier I would think.

Oh yes tips:

Plenty of things on hand for DC1 to entertain themselves whilst you are feeding baby (srickers, books, jigsaws - can all be done on the sofa next to you!)

Sling for baby.

Lots of exciting outings for DC1 with OTHER people! - playdates, Grandparent visits, adventures with Dad. Plus (once you are getting some sleep!) put aside 15mins of baby-sleeping-time to do a one-to-one activity with DC1.

Once baby is a bit older: joint baths, BLW, joint stories etc. all save time.

And I can't recommend enough having a stair gate on the baby's room. This means you can actually shower without worrying about baby getting accidentally squashed by DC1!

DD1 is 4.5 and DD2 is 6 months. The gap is great as DD1 really understands when I have to feed/change nappies/do bedtime etc and can help too. It is harder with 2, no doubt and you do feel as if you are constantly in demand. But it is worth every moment. I was so worried about how another baby would affect our family dynamic but it has just made it stronger. And to see and hear DD2s squeals of delight everytime her big sister walks into the room makes all the hard work more than worth it.

I could have written your post a year ago but I am sooooo glad we did it. 4 years is a great age gap.

I found the leap from 1 to 2 much harder than from 0 to 1. That being said i was actually more relaxed as a parent to my 2nd child (i had more confidence after having got my dd through the newborn/toddler stage!) but trying to meet the very differing demands of both children was what stressed me out and the feeling that i never had a second to myself didn't help - my eldest was a very easy nearly 3 year old when ds came along and i too felt that life had just gotten simple with her and was now bluddy hard work!

BUT as the baby gets older and their needs merge, ie - they can both move themselves around, actually play with toys and can eat the same food at the same times, things gets a lot easier. Mine are now 5 and 2 1/2 and i cannot imagine life with just one. I have loved seeing their relationship develop (dd adored ds from day 1) and it is amazing just how different and similar they can be!

My sil told me when i was pg with ds that she could never betray her daughter by having another baby (her dd was 5 months older than mine, so nearly 3 at the time), that she didn't think that she could possibly love another child as much and that she thought it would ruin her dd's idyllic life by having to share her mummy. I'm not kidding. Her dd now constantly wants to see my children, follows my dd and ds around, tries to pick ds up/sit him on her lap/cuddle them and my sil told my dd how "lucky she is to have such a lovely brother" and that her dd "would love to have such a lovely little brother" etc etc. Makes me as i haven't forgotten her previous words and because it seems to put ds on a pedestal: sometimes he's a right pain for dd - she's no more or less lucky to have him than he is to have her - they're just normal siblings. She can see the good points of having a second child now - so much off what is wonderful are the parts you don't really forsee when you're thinking of having another. It's easy to get bogged down thinking of the practicalities (and believe me i did - i'm not at my happiest when i'm carting around baby car seats or listening to a non-walker getting cranky in the buggy when you're somewhere fairly unsuitable for them to get out and have a crawl around )but that part does go past so fast and before you know it you can take 'em both to the park and see them play together or listen to them chatter together when they wake up in the morning. Lovely!

I think you would struggle to find many other parents who wish they had stopped at one!

My dd was almost two when ds was born. I admit there have been times when it has felt like very hard work. But these are far outweighed by how lovely they can be together and how much they care for each other.

I seem to be the opposite to some above, I found the first six months relatively easy, dd couldn't have been less interested in ds, she wasn't fussed by feed times etc. I struggled a bit once he started to crawl, dd was NOT pleased with him touching her things! We have a lot of sibling rivalry and fair amount of squabbling. However, the older they get the easier it seems to be. They will now regularly disappear upstairs to play together and tell dh and I off if we try to join in!

I feel having a second dc is the best thing we have done, I am now keen on the idea of a third, and feel similar to you in worrying that it will upset our now ideal family balance!!!

I don't think it is that hard, for eg saying 10x harder is probably quite an exageration for most people. It takes more organisation, you will be busier and get less rest but i found the 2nd one fits in fairly easily with the 1st and you just get on with it. Defintely worth it, it is really nice to see them make each other laugh etc. With your older one being 3 years he would probably be in nursery or reception by the time baby is born so in some ways would be not that different from having one child, for part of the day anyway?
Really wouldn't let people's scare mongering comments put you off

I had DC2 in january this year.... dd was about to turn 3 and very independant / happy / chatty noisy I think I spent the first month or two in a state of shock

I am someone who NEEDS sleep! DD slept through from 3 weeks old so I have been VERY lucky in that respect.... pregnancy this time was HARD - no rest at all, but DD was great... really good, looked after me bless her! (not in a taking advantage way... in an I'll get you my teddy mummy one!)

the whole newborn / no sleep / non sleeping day time child / hectic thing is VERY draining... so like others have said take all the help you can get! and get out for lots of walks if you can

DD loves my DS and I do mean adores... she has done since he was born - in that respect its great, he worships her now too does whatever he can to get her attention and wave / laugh at her - its great now actually.... just those first couple of months - my god they were hard!

We have two boys - DS1 is 4.5 and DS2 is 1.5. I would say the first year is hard, but now it's actually easier in lots of ways. They play together and entertain each other lots, so it's not so much of an intense one on one thing as it is caring for one child. Playing is much more fun, too - I always found playing with just DS1 really hard, but with both it's easy as they set each other off and there's loads of giggling! And seeing their relationship develop is so magical, it's just worth every bit of hard work.

I did weep when we brought DS2 home though, and sob that I couldn't possibly love two children That soon passed.

Definitely harder for a year or two then MUCH EASIER. They play with each other and the pressure is off you.

Going fine so far (DD 21 months, DS 11 weeks) .... easier than I expected so I am bracing for stormy periods ahead in case crawling or weaning stages are trickier.

DD loves her 'baby'! Asks for him first thing in the morning when I go to get her up, and often stops off to kiss him in his bouncer chair as she plays round him. We do have to watch for overenthusiasm and massively praise all gentle contact which seems to do the trick 99% of the time. I'm much more relaxed about them together now he is past the first few weeks of being tiny.

We just do our normal day, go to playgroups and take DS along. He has to sleep on the go a bit but DD gets entertained and tired so the afternoons are simpler. It just takes a bit longer to get into the car/pram/house than with one. You soon find your systems (in my case, park outside house, bags in, DS in, then DD in - ta da!)

I'm more tired being up in the night to feed but I know that'll pass. DD still naps after lunch so I sometimes get to nap on the sofa myself if DS is also sleeping then. If you have a bigger gap then nursery will give you the same chance to have a break too. Oh, and cbeebies when needed!

It works out! You just adjust. It does feel nicer with two children even though it is hard work too and frustrating at times. More of a group than just me and DD. I can't wait until they can play together more