So how much harder is it with 2 children ?

[facebook]

We are trying to conceive dc 2. We already have a ds who turned 3 this month. He is great, talkative, lively and a little argumentative, seems to need a lot of adult input which I am sure they all do at three years.

Anyway, everyone keeps saying how much harder it is with more children and one of my friends even said she wishes she had stopped with one .

Now we really want another child. It feels as though there is another person in our family that is missing. But life is very comfortable at the moment. DS sleeps 12 hours a night, eats well and is finally not a baby anymore! Things in our household seem to have a nice balance to them at the minute and I am scared to change that.

Can anyone offer any advice or tips and just generally prepare me for it please?

I think having such a large gap between them will make it a lot less stressful tbh. My 2 are 17 months apart, which made it pretty full on in the early days with 2 in nappies for starters and my DC2 had colic for 10 weeks when he was first born, which DD found very hard, as the new baby took up all my time with his screaming in agony, so she was very jealous of him and used to hurt him, if I left her in the same room as him and went out of it. So it really shook family life for DD and me. There's still a lot of sibling rivalry even now, but I know it will get better and try and have a vision for the future.

However they now share a room and are 3 and 19 months and life is far easier in many ways. Having 4 brothers, I couldn't imagine my DD being an only child, as I couldn't be without my siblings. I thought it was all worth it in the end, yes it was tricky to begin with but it was a very brief stage. My DD is starting pre school full time this Sept, if I'd had the baby now I could have dropped her at pre school and crawled into bed with the baby to co sleep and feed every morning. Would've been perfect If your H supports you in the early days where needed and you have your friends and family around you. All will be well with such a big age gap imo.

Actually, I don't think it is really that much more difficult with 2. I think going from 0 to 1 was harder. You are already an expert at the baby stuff so it comes naturally.

Go for it- it's fantastic when they finally start to play together.

someone told us that having one was like having a pet and having two was like running a small zoo - and i think that's boradly right!

with ds we were very precious with him and wanted to do everything properly - but we also still had lie-ins and time off as we could take it in turns.

when dd arrived (22 months later), things got a lot more hectic so we had to learn to compromise and adopt more realistic standards. no bad thing - dd slept well right from the beginning as she was put in her cot for naps and we also did blw with her rather than the whole annabel karmel thing. she is a very relaxed child

the first few months were very hard - i only survived dh going back to work because i had a lot of help. your age gap will be more manageable as dc1 will be at playgroup/nursery some of the time.

my tips would be all of the above really - relax your standards, don't be too hard on yourselves and try and make sure that dc1's life carries on as before (as far aspossible)

personally wouldn't change it for the world - they are now aged 6 and 4 and play nicely together (most of the time!!)

I have a gap of 3yrs and 1 week between my DD and I would just like to reiterate what some OP have said. It is hard in the beginning. You forget how far you have come as a parent and going back to having a baby can be a shock in itself. Plus this time you already have a child to look after as well a baby. You worry about meeting both childrens needs and making sure they both feel loved.

I felt I wasn't giving DD1 everything I did before I have DD2 and I felt incredibly guilty . But, DD1 loves her sister to death, and I know I have given her something very very special. She has got a very special relationship with her sister even though they have a 3yr gap.

I wouldn't have it any other way. Friends who have children closer together feel it was harder due to development stage, but DD1 is at nursery/school which I must admit helps (sometimes).

DD1 is now asking for DD3.....talk to your father!

Sorry I haven't read the rest of the thread as a mother of two I just don't have time

People always told me having two was more than double the work but I don't think so at all.

I had DS2 a week after DS1 turned three and although DS2 is only 4 months so it may get harder when he is crawling around I haven't found it that hard at all. We have been really lucky as DS1 has adapted to it really well and loves being the big brother so is very helpful.

My only advise is make sure your older child still gets some quality one on one time with at least one parent if not both. When DS2 was only 4 weeks we left him with PIL while we both took DS1 to the circus it gave us all a break from the baby and DS1 got a few hours of undivided attention from Mummy and Daddy.

Oh and try not to disrupt your older childs routine, the baby will easily fit in with whatever routine you already have where as the older child will not appreciate their routine being changed for the baby.

Can't wait until by two boys are playing together!

It is much harder than you expect it to be but again as with the first totally worth it.

Haven't read all of the posts, but for me, life got easier with 2. DS1 was 3.5 when ds2 arrived - a great, talkative, lively and little argumentative would describe him perfectly too.

The best thing we did was to announce, on arrival of the baby that he was "a big brother now", rather than that the baby was here, or that he had a little brother or anything like that. He loved the status being a big brother, for at least the first 5 years.

I used a sling with ds2, for 12 months! Didn't have a great back at the start, but a well fitting sling helped strengthen my back, so we had lots of trips to the park to wear out ds1. DS2 fitted in well with DS1's routine and was a much more contented baby than ds1 had been - partly because I was less stressed out, and partly because the only entertainment he needed was to watch ds1 charge around!

Not saying everything was perfect, but with ds1 being old enough to help out, and keep me sane, it was so much better than first time round! It's fun being a family all day, rather than waiting for dh to come home to take up some of the slack.

Its nor hideously harder, as all the battles are evened out with the times they entertain each other.
But the two hardest things are
1)No longer being able to give 100% attention to a child; I know they both would benefit from undivided attention, but it just cant happen all he time, indeed most of the time
2)Its really hard to find a babysitter; even if you just need a stopgap for an hour, its easy for one child to go to a friend, much harder to find someone who'll have both of them, or two people that live close enough to each other to drop two kids off and have time to do whatever it is you need the time for!

My ecs are 18 months apart and yes it's harder because you never quite get a rest but tbh so far hasn't be nearly as bad as I initially feared. I suspect tho much depends on both your and your childrens temperament. My dc1 is very sweet towards her brother and tries to feed him and brings me nappies but mostly she kind of ignores him. She's highly strung but he is mr chilled which seems to work for them. I personally found a good routine key to not losing your sanity :)

I find it easier with two, I always feel sorry for only children, life must be rather dull at times

My DS2 was born when DS1 was 3.4yrs. First two weeks, DS1 was very sad and introverted, then that wore off and became infatuation with DS2. He makes DS2 laugh and laugh and when I look at them both together, I can't beleive my luck and just feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

Once DS2 was on solids everything got easier and I fed everyone at the same time. DS1 was out of nappies by the time DS2 was born and has been getting more independent ever since.

I also strongly beleive that not being an only child has had a lot of benefits for DS1 as we were so obsessed with him and getting everything right straight away. Now he has learned to wait and sometimes go without and its done him good, and broken our kind of stranglehold on him.

Two Dcs is not 100% harder, maybe 65%.

I've always been scared of this also but I've come to the conclusion that going from me and dd to a massive step, why should having aonther one be seen as easy? Your life and family has ajusted to an addition and will again.

DD was 4 when DS was born and we had got into a comfortable routine without having to worry about nappies/bottles/naps so going back to it came as an enormous shock to my system. DS had reflux and was generally unhappy for the first six months and DD got ignored a lot, luckily she was at school when he was three months old, but I still feel guilty for the lack of attention she got. She adjusted quite well, some jealousy and some regression though which was hard to deal with fairly on top of the sleep deprivation/worry about DS.

The first year was the hardest, especially as DS is an appalling sleeper, but we didnt feel that we could leave him to cry at all as he woke her up then so I was up five times a night with him. Even so several times she was sent home from school as she was falling asleep in the classroom. Things like illness as well are hard to deal with, with just one they can have your attention and you know its over with. DD came down with chickenpox and once she was back to health DS came down with it too so there was no breathing space or chance to regain sleep! Same with vomiting bug, its hard to juggle two vomiting children on your lap. Everything takes longer and there is much more housework to do, plus there are periods eg. after school when they are both tired and hungry and wanting my attention while I am cooking tea that I just want to run away! Shopping is harder but I shop mostly online now which has saved my sanity I think!

Having said that they love each other so much, and now DS is almost walking they are playing with each other much more. DS stands at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her when she pops to the toilet and has worked out how to climb into her bed in the morning. When he is sad DD cuddles him and he climbs into her lap when he is feeling low. DD likes to be the first up the stairs to greet him after his nap and they curl up together with a book for ten minutes which I love.It is much more fun with two although a lot of my parenting rules from #1 have gone by the wayside, I am much less strict and I like to think I am more fun.

I do somethings think fondly of the calmer and quieter days when I jsut had the one, but my regrets get fewer the older they both get.

Honestly? Well I found it much harder going from 1 to 2, than 0 to 1. However, my dd (second baby) was a really difficult baby, and my DS was wonderfully chilled and easy. I spent the first 8 months with DD in a sling as she just wouldn't be put down. Luckilly my DS wasn't jealous and took it all in his stride, but tbh I did worry that we had lost a lot of special 'me and him time'.

Once DD could walk (at 10 months thankfully) things got a lot easier. She is now 18 months and DS 3.2 and it is amazing . She adores her older brother, they giggle together the whole time, give each other huge hugs and kisses, and do everything together.

So despite a challenging first few months, I say go for it! I want more, but now I worry about disrupting their relationship- I guess it's totally normal to worry about disrupting a settled and happy household.

There are 21mths between my two girls.

They are currently 2.1yrs and 3mths. Overall ive found it fine. Yes there have been some horrendous days where ive been in tears but they pass and as others have said seeing them together is just lovely.
Thankfully DD1 has taken to DD2 really well with no real jealousy. She shares books with her and likes to lay under the playgym with her showing her the toys. :)

There are days when you dont get a minutes peace and your busy everyday with double the amount of washing etc but i wouldnt change it for the world.

It cant be that bad as we are almost thinking of DC3!