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Original poster

Need to have a rant about my parents poking their noses into how I discipline my child!

31 replies

blueteddy · 29/08/2005 22:44

I may be over reacting but they have annoyed me & made me feel like a cr*p parent.
What happened was today we were round there for a BBQ & ds1 & 2 were playing with their coupe cars outside.
The cars are the same but ds2's is a lot newer.
Ds2 was in his coupe car, when ds1 came back outside after going to the toilet & went over to ds2 & tried to pull him out of the car, saying he had it first.
I told him that he wasn't in it first & that ds2 had been playing in the car while ds1 was inside, to which my mum chirped up "Yes but ds1 was in it before he went into the toilet"
I told her that didn't matter, as nobody was using the car when ds2 got in it & it was his car after all!
I asked ds1 to play in his car (which is the same, but a little more faded) & ds1 started playing up.
He continued to try & pull ds2 out & then went over to his car & kicked it over, so I told him to go & sit on the step for some time out.
Ds1 started screaming & crying, because he didn't want to sit on the step & my parents started having a go at me for making him sit on the step in their house & accusing me of taking ds2's side!
I told them I would give him time out when he misbehaved, be it in my house, their house or a friends house, as he has to learn.
I also explained that there was NO WAY I treat them any differently & that ds2 had been on the step earlier for hitting ds1 & nobody had flinched about that!
They have just gone & phoned up asking if he was ok & telling me I spoiled the afternoon, which has really got my back up, especially as my Dad used to take his watch off to smack me when I was a child!
Ds1 was happy as anything within minutes of returning home & says he has had a nice day, but I am left feeling like the worlds worst mother!
Sorry, just needed a rant!

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nannyjo · 29/08/2005 22:48

you certainly don't soound like the worlds worst mother at all, you sound fair and consistant in your discaline which IMO is the way to be not smacking etc,
You are the parent and you do things the way you want to, i feel sorry for you that your parents don't support you in this!

Hope you can just explain how you feel to them and that they will understand and respect your wishes in time.
Good luck.

Original poster
blueteddy · 29/08/2005 22:53

Thanks nannyjo.
I was quite put out at the time, but now they have gone & phoned accusing me of spoiling the afternoon, I feel really horrible.

OP posts:
moondog · 29/08/2005 22:57

Gosh,bt,completely out of order.
Try not to be upset. You're in the right. I would take pleasure in saying firmly 'They're our children and we shall deal with them as we see fit,in the same way that you did with us. That's the end of it.'

(Bit shocked about the watch bit!)

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Original poster
blueteddy · 29/08/2005 23:01

I reminded him of the watch bit, when he was on the phone & he just said "Well you were an awful child!"

OP posts:
Clayhead · 29/08/2005 23:02
Shock
moondog · 29/08/2005 23:02

Ty our family favourite...'Snout out!'

Original poster
blueteddy · 29/08/2005 23:05

Never heard that one before!

OP posts:
saadia · 29/08/2005 23:17

oh, bt you did the right thing. You have to be consistent and fair, which you were. Nowadays, we have a different style of parenting which some people of the older generation find difficult to handle, but it's really just common-sense - praise good behaviour and punish bad behaviour, especially physical, such as pulling (as ds1 was doing) and pushing.

Try not to worry, it sounds like this issue might come up again with your parents and it's best if they know now about how you discipline the dss.

Original poster
blueteddy · 29/08/2005 23:22

They said I should have ignored the bad behaviour just that once, while I was round there.
I said I would not just ignore it, or he would never learn & said I felt very upset that they said I take ds2's side (ds2 is 2), because I never side with my children & explained that he had sat on the step earlier & they just said "Yes, but he didn't cry."

OP posts:
Original poster
blueteddy · 29/08/2005 23:24

Anyway, thanks for your reassurance. I feel a bit better now.

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moondog · 29/08/2005 23:24

Jeezuz,blue teddy,this is absurd!
They have no right to do this! Don't even justify youself. Tell them to bog off!
What does your dh say?

Original poster
blueteddy · 29/08/2005 23:26

He is at work so doesn't know about the phone call bit.
I don't think I will tell him too much, as he hasn't got that much time for my Mum at the best of times!

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linnywith2 · 29/08/2005 23:30

funny how our parents think they know whats best for our kids innit?
my mum was very strict and didnt spare the rod so to speak.. she now often tells me im too hard on my 2 and i never smack them.. like you i do discipline them if needed
you've nothing to feel bad about..
like the "snout out" expression...

matnanplus · 29/08/2005 23:31

blueteddy why do they [ it seems to me ] favour ds1 over ds2?

FWIW i think you did an excellent thing, it is obvious from your posting that your DS'S know the rules and are comforted by them being there, but like anyone will push the boundries to 'see'.

Original poster
blueteddy · 29/08/2005 23:36

I feel that they (certainly my Mum) favour ds1 over ds2 & it upsets me, as she used to make it obvious that she favoured my sister when I was younger, as she was easier than me.
I think it is the same with my 2, ds1 is quite laid back (sometimes!) & ds2 is a typical into everything 2 year old, so is harder work.
She takes ds1 overnight, but never ds2, although I am putting a stop to this as he is starting to notice now.
This is why I was SO offended that she tried to accuse me of taking ds2's side.

OP posts:
vickitiredmum · 29/08/2005 23:41

i sympathise blue teddy - i got an earful for telling my dad not to cuddle and comfort my DD because i had just told her off for hitting and she was crying. They couldnt see that it was ok for her to be upset and annoyed at being told off - that was kind of the point IYSWIM. They thought i was terrible. They also think im mean for putting my DD in her cot at bed time and leaving her there ie not rocking her and cuddling her to sleep like they used to have to do with me and my 3 bros.

vickitiredmum · 29/08/2005 23:41

(she doesnt cry she just lays there and happily goes to sleep i might add!)

Original poster
blueteddy · 29/08/2005 23:54

Parents are unbelievable at times aren't they?!
I know what you mean about the crying bit & that is clearly what got to my parents, infact my Mum cuddled him straight after too!
I wouldn't mind, but they were not the best of parents themselves, but seem to have forgotten all that!

OP posts:
vickitiredmum · 30/08/2005 00:15

They also dont know whats wrong with buying something for my eldest (DD) and not for my DS. He is only 19 weeks but when DD was same age they bought her plenty and still do - DS never ever gets anything and they cant see whats wrong with that (dont get me wrong - i dont particularly want them to buy my DD something every time they see her but if they are going to buy for one - they should buy for the other - shouldnt they?)

vickitiredmum · 30/08/2005 00:18

oh, and my parents compete (well my mum does) for my DD's attention - its like two people calling the dog to see who it will go to when we arrive IYSWIM as to who my DD will run up to and cuddle. I think thats what all the gifts are about - whosoever beholds the gift shall forever earn the affection! or something like that anyway!

Original poster
blueteddy · 30/08/2005 00:22

Sounds a lot like my parents!
My Mum is always bringing them chocolate etc, which they can have in return for a cuddle or kiss!
Yes I agree that they should treat both children equally, if they buy for one then they should buy for the other & if they take out one they should do the same for the other!

OP posts:
ThePrisoner · 30/08/2005 00:30

And don't forget that if your children start becoming teenage hooligans, your parents will blame you for the lack of discipline!

vickitiredmum · 30/08/2005 00:41

yep - im looking forward to all of that! (Although if my parents move to spain like they say they will.............) Sweets and chocs are the only thing i can actually stop them giving because DD has food allergies. But only just! My mum still thinks she knows better than the labels!

Original poster
blueteddy · 30/08/2005 10:13

Yes they would definitely blame me for lack of discipline if they turn out to be teenage hooligans!
She has been round this morning & has not mentioned any more about it.
I couldn't be all over friendly with her though, as I still feel a bit upset about it all TBH.

OP posts:
mummyhill · 30/08/2005 16:17

((hugs)) bt you did the right thing, how on earth do they expect the children to learn if there are different sets of rules all over the place. My MIl keeps telling me I am too strict with DD but would have a fit if she turned into a hooligan. I deffinatley think that as they get older they only remember the bits that they want to about parenting!!!!