I thought it was supposed to get easier....

[explodingbosoms]

I have a lovely daughter (first child) who is 6.5 months old.

After the initial tough newborn weeks, I found the first six months an absolute breeze. In fact, I felt on top of the world. Everyone told me that the first six months would be the hardest but I was so happy that I took it all in my stride: sleepless nights, the odd feeding issue (she's breastfed), etc.

Now I'm finding things difficult, suddenly, just when it's "supposed" to get easier. I've become obsessed with naps to the point where I cry if she wakes up after her usual 40 minutes (thought we'd cracked it last week but it turns out it was just a sleepy few days). I worry constantly about her routine and her sleeping and have the words of my hv ringing in my ears that she "should" be sleeping through the night (she isn't). It's got to the point where I don't want anyone else, dp included, to look after her without me because they're not 100% familiar with her routine.

I find the days very long and I'm fed up with breastfeeding. All my friends with sim aged babies are mixed feeding or formula feeding but I'm the one who still heads home at 10pm after one small glass of wine for the dream feed, on the rare occasions I go out. She's never taken a bottle though she seems to quite like the beaker cup which could offer some freedom if I can let go and leave her with somebody else.

My baby is adorable. Really, she couldn't be any jollier, sweeter or a better companion. But I find myself in tears at least once a day and I don't know how to pull myself together. I don't know if it's hormones or what.

Anyone else feel/felt the same?

have you spoken to your doctor about how you are feeling?

Have just booked an appointment for next week. I feel scared at the thought that this could be PND developing- I've had depression before and was so relieved and happy that I seemed to have escaped PND.

I suppose I'm hoping it's a common sort of blip to have around the 6 month mark, but may be clutching at straws.

I'm glad you have an appointment, it may not be depression but it would be a good start to have a chat with your gp.

HVs 'should' be offering you support not quoting developmental stage statistics at you

Have you been able to talk to any of your friends or your dp about this or is it all bottled up?

I think it's fairly common but just not talked about. I think it's great that you are talking to your GP but perhaps also try and raise with sympathetic friends whether they ever feel the same?

I also find it very hard when my kids don't settle for naps. I think it is a personality thing, some people can go with the flow - I struggle masssively if I'm expecting DD3 to sleep and she won't - I find it very frustrating. I want things to be more in control than they are.

I think 6 months can be a common time to feel a bit down and frustrated. The novelty and the adrenalin have worn off and the routine starts to get relentless plus the baby is not quite old enough to be walking/talking/interacting that little bit more.

And don't forget that your body is still producing all sorts of wacky hormones to keep the breast milk production going. DD3 refused to take anything other than breast milk for a year and I got truly fed up with it - I just wanted to go out for one evening or one day without being the only one able to settle her! I know there are massive benefits to breastfeeding but I never took to it massively, it was more because DD3 would not take anything else that I went on so long.

I used to try and cheer myself up with little treats, things to look forward to and of course the MN maxim that "this too shall pass". Hard to keep in your head when things seem relentless - but true!

Remember also there does tend to be a "conspiracy of silence" between new mothers. I remember my NCT group with DD1&2 (twins) all merrily telling me how their babies slept through, never cried, they never got fed up. 5 years on we all admitted that we were all putting on a brave face, one mum said she spent 5 minutes in her car trying to stop crying before coming in to coffee as she felt so fed up and miserable but didn't want anyone to know - wouldn't it have been easier if she had admitted that 5 years ago and we could all have had a good hug and cry!

And forget about the HV sleeping thing. I think a lot of sleeping through the night stats are based on bottle fed babies and everyone has different views on sleeping through the night anyway - some count 7-7 some 10-5 etc. You will get there!

Have spoken to my mum who is great, and to dp who is lovely but whose main focus is to "cheer me up" (not saying that's a bad thing but sometimes you just need to talk).

None of my "old" friends have babies, maybe it would be good to talk to one of them. Though I suspect they think I'm a bit of an earth mother these days and pity my baby-focused lifestyle, they did even when I was feeling brilliant, so in a way I don't want to admit defeat, or so it feels.

I don't feel I can talk to new "mum friends" because they all seem to be coping so well, have got their lives back, babies sleeping well etc. I can't help but compare myself.

As I type this I realise I'm doing the typical irrational thing of standing in my own way! Maybe I should just bite the bullet and talk to my friends, new and old.

Just to add if it's any help I also had periods of depression pre-pregnancy and was terrified I would get PND. I somehow knew that I didn't have PND even when I was very down, because I could compare it to my previous experience and knew that it was just stress, tiredness and hormones not the "fog" feeling of depression.

I used to walk for miles every day which helped!

Haven't read all the replied but wanted to say that I had a similar blip at the six month stage. I think the sleep deprivation really gets to you by that point and even though you know that lots of babies don't sleep through at 6mo I certainly noticed that everybody was constantly asking if DS was sleeping through yet (he wasn't and didn't til he was 16mo!) so felt like I was doing something wrong .

Naps were the same, he'd have 4 x 40 min naps a day and it used to drive me bonkers. This did improved as he got older and we eventually got to the blissful stage of a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day.

I think it is a case of wrong expectations! It is not going to get any easier before they reach 3, if you are lucky, 4.5 if not...

6 months is quite difficult, because they start eating, which change the balance of sleep and feeds and you have a to adjust as well. They won't sleep through the night before they can have alll their calories in during the day (whatever age it might be).
They start moving a lot, turning, sitting, even standing for some, and they will still wake up during the night because they bang themself or are sitting up, and can't sleep that way.

Don't expect a routine to be rigid as well, it changes everytimes they learn something new or get ill or grow a teeth or 2.

You 'mums' freinds probably go through the same things as you (probably delayed/advance by a month or 2). They might just want to talk aabout something else during a night out.
Still they might be willing to talk about it over a coffee at yours or somewhere neutral. It is easier to talk one to one, than with a big group.

Search the threads on MN or start one about getting your DD to take a beacker or a bottle. It is possible (hard work but I have never known anybody failing in the end, most people have to to get back to work)

good luck

oh mamaloco, don't say that!

OP - I found it got MUCH easier after the first year. They're eating normal food, sleeping better (generally), things have settled down a bit. I certainly found the first year the hardest and DS (2.7) is a breeze now :)

I agree with jareth. Things got much easier after a year, so much so we had another one! I found 6 months to 1 year particularly tough because, as others have said, they're sort of mobile and sort of communicating and sort of eating but nothing is mastered yet

it gets sooooo much easier. Dd 2.8 is tiring because she's always on the go, but everything else is a breeze. She walks, talks, goes to the toilet by herself, doesn't need daytime naps any more...

That difficult bit passes. It really does

Thanks for the advice everyone, and for reassuring me it gets easier.

Just had a hideous 1hr+ during which she would not go down for a nap despite being really tired (this is uncharacteristic), screamed for an hour (this is too, she rarely cries) and is now thrashing about in her pram in a complete tizz because she has skipped a nap entirely.

I was crying, she was crying. I feel like a failure because I gave up trying to settle her and am now convinced she'll never go down for nap again (obv this is irrational but may give you an idea of the headspace I'm in).

I just have no idea what I'm doing.

teeth?
beginning of a cold?
ear ache?
Check her temperature as it is the only way to detect ear infections in small babies. it makes them really unsettled. My mum said you should shake their ears if they yell then there is a problem.

Hopes it improves soon. It will pass and she will nap again!

Is she hungrier? have you try one more feed or snack?

DD2 is the same age as yours, and a few days back she was screaming a lot and very unsettled including at night, when I had enough and let her cry . Turns out next morning she had a brand new teeth, and she is a bit better now, back to her nap and normal sleeping pattern. And I should have known better as it is my second

Thank you for the support and advice. She is asleep in her pram. It could be teeth, who knows, I gave her some teething powders anyway .

I would see the doctor or HV about possible PND, but as others have said I found 6-12 months quite challenging both times. They aren't sleeping as much, and they are sort-of mobile but they get very frustrated and you feel you ought to be Doing Things. Once they are toddling I found it a lot easier.

The yelling could well be teething; you are at the classic age for it. I remember when DS was 6 months we put him in the car with no teeth, he screamed throughout the 3-hour car journey, and we took him out of the car to find his first tooth had popped through (which did rather explain the yelling ).

' All my friends with sim aged babies are mixed feeding or formula feeding but I'm the one who still heads home at 10pm after one small glass of wine for the dream feed, on the rare occasions I go out."
Join us on the feb 2010 baby thread, you will see you are not alone! not many of us have a sleeping baby there and if so usually there is something else going wrong
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1016084-FEB-2010-Teeth-nosh-and-smelly-bums-it-s

Thanks for the link, have had a look and already feel quite heartened to see life isn't a breeze for every other mum of a 6mo (if that doesn't sound awful!). Would be good to join in, maybe tomorrow, provided the little one stops grizzling and maybe even sleeps for a while!

Try not to worry about the routine too much, if you can help it. We found that DD's routine would settle for a few weeks and then switch to another pattern seemingly for no reason, and it was much easier to just go with the flow - frustrating as that may be when you bank on sleeping getting stuff done during their naps. Have you had the 4 month sleep regression stage yet, or could now be a delayed one for you? DD didn't sleep through til around 9 months in - although some people call five hours of sleep in a row "sleeping through"...

Having said that, once she did start sleeping through (8pm-6am) life seemed so much more manageable... sleep deprivation is responsible for a lot, even before you factor in hormones. Do you have any time to do anything nice for yourself, even if it's just half hour in the bath? I found it really hard being 'me' and 'mum', and just a bit of time/space to chill made a big difference.

Hiya,

I'm not much further on than you (DS is 9.5 months) but I wanted to tell you that, in my experience, it does get easier even by this point! I found the 6 month point very tough. At 6 months DS was still BFing all the time, still being very random with sleeping/feeding/moods etc. Now, although it's not a piece of cake all the time, it is easier, especially on the BF front. He now only feeds 2-3 times a day, and eats lots of solids. Will also take formula from a sippy cup (was a major bottle refuser). He also now only wakes once for a feed at night (but is NOT sleeping through - neither are most of my NCT friends babies - and none of the EBF babies).
He also naps for MUCH longer now, usually. I think a lot can depend on who you speak to - I don't know a lot of routine-focused Mums so I've felt a bit more relaxed about it. Could you try letting the routine slip a bit?
I still often find the days long - but it seems to help if we do something every day... Maybe with all the crying you should talk ato someone about PND, but it could easily just be hormones/sleep deprivation (remember this is a form of torture!). Anyway, go easy on yourself - sounds like you're doing a great job. I find it 50X easier just 3 months on! :)

IMO, it doesn't get easier, it gets differently difficult :)

If it's any consolation, neither of mine truly slept through reliably until 9-10 months old, the dream feed continued until they refused it and weren't interested though, which was 11 months I think and of course if teething badly or ill would still wake a little after that from time to time.

It wasn't too long after 6 months I managed to gently work my 2 DCs up to naps at 10.30am and 3pm only and then the morning nap turned into 90 mins and the 3pm always remained 45 mins but they were ready for bed by 6.30pm. Now my second child at 19 months can and does sleep for 2 hours in his one nap of the day instead.

It does get easier. My DS didn't like bottles either, however I finally found one at 6 months by NUK he'd take with expressed breast milk in, which was a relief, so I could go out and not worry. So I feel your pain.

This too shall pass, you're doing great. Don't be afraid to be honest with the GP lovely x

hello, i would agree my DD got a lot easier after 1y, walking and understanding
i get worn right down with naps sometimes, and just stick her in the sling cos i cant be ar*ed, still feeding 3-8x a night and she never would take a bottle /beaker /not even cows milk now and its kind of relentless and pressurising that she relies on me for milk, but when they eat more they feed less in day which will help, in fact i was still feeding 1-2hourly at 5m! at some point she went to 3 bfs a day giving me freedom
i went a bit crazy on mat leave, got terrific anxiety and going back to work 10h a week when she 1y has done me the world of good, getting perspective and a bit freedom from her
my hv said dont try and do a routine till 9m because babies are more sociable if they are not forced into a routine, work with what they give you
you find the days long, do u get out each day?
u sound like u are perfectionist/controlling - a bit like i was when DD was little, but i think exclusive bf encourages that cos u just dont get freedom for months
sounds like u need a bit freedom /u time but u r not allowing it, maybe u could try it for a very short time and build on that?
good luck

Hi,

I'm really interested/relieved to read your thread, as I am feeling exactly the same way. I loved having my little girl from the day she was born in February. I coped, took it all in my stride, didn't cry, or have a down day really.

Now, my baby is completely gorgeous, but I am finding it tougher. I think, as someone said, it has suddenly hit me how relentless it all is and I am also very sleep deprived (she wakes every hour in the night).

We're also in the process of moving house (300 miles up north), which isn't helping.

But yes, I am also having a bit of a blip.

It's complete and utter myth that parenting gets easier.
The bay/toddler years are the easiest by far.
They are simple to deal with in comparison to the needs of older children.
However, you do sound rather low, I'd go to the gp if I were you.

Oh it's so good to read all these replies, thank you!

Tiredpooky you hit the nail on the head with the perfectionist/controlling bit. I feel as though there's some "standard" I should be achieving. At school then uni then work I've always been able to achieve anything if I was enough of a geek worked hard enough. Now a lot of what happens in my life is totally out of my hands.

Sappholit, we're in the same boat... bit of a comedown after the euphoria, innit?

Re going out, I used to get out and about a lot- baby massage, meeting with friends etc. That was before I stupidly cracked open the baby books and became bogged down with routines. Now between milk feeds and solid meals and (obsessing about) naps, I struggle to get out other than to shops.

Mum reckons I should sod the nap schedule and get out and about again. She'll sleep in the pram if she needs to. It's tempting, but being an anxious person (and esp so at the moment) I have a constant feeling of "if I do/don't do x, then y (utter chaos) will happen".

I agree that I must be honest with my GP. Even if I'm having a "good" day.

Thanks again for all the replies.