Completely Desperate (Long)

[completelydesperate]

I don't know if this is even the right place to write this or what I hope to achieve by doing so but I desperately need help to be a good mum as so far I am f*ing up big time.

My son is one year old and for the last 12months has spent almost every waking hour crying. He doesn't eat well, doesn't sleep well and is developmentally quite behind other children.

I don't know how much more I can take, there must be something I am doing wrong to cause him to be so miserable all the time, we have been to every specialist under the sun and they dont find anything wrong though we have been treated for colic, reflux and tried elimination diets (easy when he refuses to eat anyway).

I try to vary the day with a mix of indoor and outdoor activities, go to toddler groups, have friends over and go to them, play games, sing songs and so on and so forth. The only times he doesnt cry is when he isnt with me (eg he has 2 mornings at creche), when he is in his swing (have tried feeding him in here), when he is asleep (not often and not for long).

I read a thread not too long ago where a mum felt awful that she didnt enjoy being a mum well I out and out hate it and I dont even feel like I really know my son as he is so distressed all the time. It must be me as he seems ok at creche after I leave.

I dont know what to try anymore I have failed him completely and am second guessing myself all the time.

Sorry for the rant, I feel like I have done him such a disservice by becoming a mum to him and then completely sucking at the job.

go to this link and click on Wakefield's talk. Ignore the autism bit- the most important bit about this talk is the link between the gut and developmental problems- might give you some ideas. IAG will test for leaky gut- which isn't quite a severe as the problems in this talk- but much easier test (just a urine test).

How about an OT? How does he find rolling in blankets ets? Soothing or opposite? OTs could do a sensory profile and then give you a programme to help the bits that need helping and also giive a clue on thigs he will find soothing.

Only other sggestion I could make would be BIBIC- although it might not be entirely appropriate at thsi stage- might be worth ringing them though they have lots of experience in sensory stuff (which can set off screaming),

will ask for a referal to OT and see if they can help. is there a non power point version of the talk? and what is BIBIC, we are in NZ so is it still relevent or is there an equivalent?

ok I managed to google wakefield and saw some of his research discussions, so if this link between gut and development is what is going on, what the h* do I do about it. We have had urine tests, blood tests and skin pricks.

ah no BIBIC will be no use in NZ. If you've tried gluten free already this may be barking up the wrong tree. However you could email/phone paul shattock . He's very helpful (lovely man) and was very helpful to ruty when she had gut/development concerns about her young baby. They also run IAG tests- or will be able to tell you where to get one closer. Why not start a thread for ruty as she's had gut problems/development concerns and has tried various things. she may be away atm, but worth a try?

I feel for you YM. too have a nightmare child (now 2.4 )and have been down all the same avenues looking for a reason and a cure. She is definitely a LOT better than she was and we do have quite a few relatively OK days now (today not being one of them!) but I'm coming to the same conclusion as you, Blueshoes, that this one is never going to be easy. the hardest thing is not feeling like it's all my fault, either for being too stressed around her or for not giving her enough love - because let's face it, it's hard to be the most chilled out and adoring parent in the face of all that non-stop screaming and shouting. I must confess today I locked myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes and later on ran away from her in the playground. Now consumed with guilt and promising myself I'll try harder tomorrow. Thank God for DD1, otherwise I'd be convinced I'm the worst mother in the world.