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Parenting

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Original poster

So how much harder is it having a second child?

63 replies

jabberwocky · 28/08/2005 11:46

Just my ongoing research. Still trying to convince dh we can do it .

OP posts:

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Original poster

jabberwocky · 28/08/2005 21:40

LOL custardo!

OP posts:

fqueenzebra · 28/08/2005 21:49

pretty hard, but much easier than having a 3rd.

KateF · 28/08/2005 21:51

The money side is a definite negative. DD3 was not planned and making ends meet is always going to be a bit of a struggle. I know that when dd1 goes back to school her best friends (both onlys) will have new Clarks shoes and hers will be from Matalan or similar. DD2 never seems to have new clothes but as yet doesn't care. It depends if you can handle the guilt - I can as I think having siblings is a gift for all their lives.

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jamboure · 28/08/2005 21:52

Was good to find out I was expecting again(once i overcame the shock) when ds1 was 18 months

BUT

I found out at 6 wks pg it was twins

I then had to get over that shock too, still am really 19 months down the line

wysiwyg · 28/08/2005 21:52

4 years 10 months gap between DD and DS.
The biggest shock was for me - really felt five years older through the pregnancy, and had forgotten how to do everything (but remembered quickly enough and some mums with small gaps say they forgot anyway).
My children are really getting on brilliantly although still early days (DS 10 months).
Only thing with a big gap is No 3 - now I feel I'm too old......probably

Bozza · 28/08/2005 21:55

expat - it was definitely a relief once DD was born. I had a much easier birth and it was definitely better having a newborn and 3 yo than a 2/3 yo and a bump. So hope thats good news for you.

KateF · 28/08/2005 22:01

Agree with that bozza - much easier with baby out than in!

Lua · 28/08/2005 22:02

another one here saying 2nd pregnancy was much harder - was older too!
But so far (baby is 3 months), I am enjoying baby so much more and finding so much easy!
I actually joke with all my friends to go straight to the second and skip the 1st!!!
That said: I must confess i don't stay home with the two... Oldest is still going to the nursery so it is easier to give both their own time.

henshake · 28/08/2005 22:23

My DD was 2.5 when DS was born.

Being pregnant was harder as more knackered. Couldn't just chill on return home from work as DD around. However, you do save money initially as we kept stuff, highchairs etc.

However, being in hosp for 5 days after birth was hard, didn't like being parted from DD.

DD has been brilliant with DS. Easier when travelling on journeys, we can keep DD preoccupied with looking out for DS.

Nursery fees a stinger though.

nooka · 28/08/2005 23:06

I have a 16mth gap (now 5 and 6 1/2). Very hard work for the first year, but great ever since they started to play together. A friend of ours once said, having one child is like having a pet, having two is like having a zoo. Not sure about the pet bit, but the zoo is about right!

My two are generally fantastic together, but they do fight, squabble and generally wind each other up at times. The key is to ignore it as much as possible, and then when you get annoyed to treat them both equally (this is easier when they are pretty much the same size/age). So we do a fair bit of "don't tell tales", "I don't care what x did, you should not have...", and occasionally they have to be sent to play seperately.

Most of the time however we really don't have to keep them occupied, and it is great fun listening to their amazing imaginary games . I would recommend it.

nightowl · 29/08/2005 00:16

depends on the child. my first was a wonderfully behaved child. my second can be a little monster (most of the time in fact)..ok so its not the number of children i have...just that you never get two the same and where ds was a walk in the park, dd is a nightmare!!

ghosty · 29/08/2005 01:44

I found DD a piece of cake compared to having DS. My first was a complete shock to the system in every way imaginable and when I was pg with DD I had very low expectations of what was to come. I expected a terrible pregnancy (it wasn't too bad), I expected a terrible birth (it was a CS but it was a lovely uplifting beautiful experience), I expected PND (didn't get even a weepy day), I expected a screaming baby for at least 6 months (she barely cried and is still Miss Placid) I could go on and on.
She has been the making of DS in many ways. She is teaching him all sorts of things that as an only child he would never know.
He loves her to pieces and watching them together makes it all worth while.
I felt that we really became a family when DD was born.
As I was already in the swing of motherhood she just fell into place and so was not the shock that DS was IYSWIM?
Took a while for me to have her though, there is a 4 year and two month gap between the two.

fisil · 29/08/2005 07:40

I'm with nightowl here - it totally depends on the children. Ds1 was great, but got very boring and I was desperate to go back to work. My pregnancy with ds2 was so awful that I was off work sick from 26 weeks because of the stress and tiredness! Ds2 is a much more difficult baby, and so he has been much harder and so life with two is more difficult cos ds2 won't jusy "slot in".

However, the boys just adore each other and I can't wait until ds2 is big enough to toddle after ds1 and play with him - neither can ds1. And as\someone else said, our house is full of love, and at least this time round I know that things will get better and he will grow out of the baby stage.

lockets · 29/08/2005 08:00

This reply has been deleted

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mommie · 29/08/2005 08:29

i only have the one (dd 10 months) and just could not handle two. My best friend has two and it is total mayhem at their house. I get stressed just walking up their front path. Nursery fees are exorbitant just for one let alone two. Also, I feel I have just enough time to spread between dp and dd; there's no more time/energy left in the day (I work full-time). One is enough for me, but it's a v personal choice and I did leave mine til late cos i knew one would be more than enough. My dp and myself are also a bit anal about calm and order cos our jobs are stressful enough.

crazydazy · 29/08/2005 09:00

I've got two and neither of them were planned!!! I got pregnant with DD after knowing my DD just one month!!!! I then dumped him as I didn't feel right with him and bringing up a baby with him felt wrong. Then we went for the scan and I saw how happy he was and I knew from then on he would stick by me and his child so I gave him a chance - six years on we are still together.

I planned to get DD to school before I even thought of having another but that wasn't to be. I suddenly when DD was 18 months old I was pregnant again, I had the coil fitted at the time so it was a bit of a miracle to be honest!!!! TBH we wasn't sure we wanted another but went ahead anyway, we had a scan and found we were having a boy and so from then on we decided we were happy.

After DS was born we were certain we didn't want any more but then I was very foolish and ended up getting pregnant again when DS was 1 month old!!!

Me and DP talked about it in great length over and over and decided that the best thing all round we believed was for us and our family (bearing in mind our in-laws had said they couldn't look after 3 kids whilst I worked) I decided to have an abortion. It was very hard for us all but felt it was the right thing to do.

I am a big believer in fate and bad karma and the circumstances how my two other children were born made me feel very uneasy about what I had done.

When DD was 3 years old she was struck down with meningcoccal septicaemia and almost died, it was the worst 3 days of my life not knowing whether she would live or die.....and the one thing that I did think whilst we were sat there praying for her to live was that maybe we were being punished for what we did!!!! To this day I still feel bad about it. I don't regret it because it was right for us, I just wish it never happened.

Needless to say DP went for a vasectomy in the same month!!!!!

Sorry to make this so long.....its just certain things remind you.

fisil · 29/08/2005 09:01

I knew I'd draw you out with that post lockets! We must meet up soon - dying to meet dd2!

peckarollover · 29/08/2005 09:14

Havent read the whole thread but I think it is just as easy to have two as one really. When they play nicely together its almost like having none! When they dont you may as well have 10

KiwiKate · 29/08/2005 09:53

DSis 2.4yo and have no 2 due in 2 weeks! This pg has definately been more difficult. Possibly because of the energy required to look after a toddler. Also, for about 6 weeks now he has been asking for "baby to come out now".

DS loves people, and we don't have any kids in the family in this country, so felt it wouldn't be fair on DS to be an only

WideWebWitch · 29/08/2005 10:17

Second one is MUCH easier imo. I am less neurotic and enjoying her much much more than I enjoyed ds. It's not a shock the second time, you know what you're in for ime.

Original poster

jabberwocky · 29/08/2005 15:43

This is just what I needed to hear!!! More anyone?

OP posts:

motherinferior · 29/08/2005 16:52

Hmmmm....it is harder having two than one, definitely. More work, more money, more hassle; as someone put it to me, you really do say goodbye to the vestiges of your child-free life. It may be different for people with lots of family backup, but it's harder to do that bargaining-for-time-off thing; handing over two kids to your partner - or having them handed to you - is a much bigger deal than one, and you do find yourself doing a lot more swaps ('I'll take DD1 out, you stay with DD2', etc).

And actually I did find going back to the beginning hard too - first time round you know life as you know will go beserk, second time you (or rather I) deceive yourself thaht somehow you will have some sleep....

I am however very glad I did it. And for me the shift from none to one was much harder than from one to two.

dinosaur · 29/08/2005 17:47

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Bozza · 29/08/2005 20:57

Think on the financial front the real killer is childcare for two. With DD I had all the equipment and some clothes that would do. Then because I had made lots of mummy friends I was given loads of hand-me-downs. But nothing cushions the £30 a day nursery fees. Fortunately I had sufficient gap that DS was on the nursery grant by the time DD started nursery. But they've both still been full wack all summer.

henshake · 29/08/2005 21:37

jabberwocky I've posted on here before, but I've just remembered other stuff.

BF sooooo much easier and relaxed the second time around. You're not as tense about each cough, sniffle and fart. You don't read as much on babies and partenting, you get on with it.

I've even found I am more relaxed with sterilising bowls and spoons, still paranoid about steaming bottles.

You have DS first time round, if have DD this time then easier to change their nappies. IMO.

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