So how much harder is it having a second child?

[jabberwocky]

Just my ongoing research. Still trying to convince dh we can do it .

depends on the gap. and then it varies according to ages of the kids.

small gap = harder for first few months then (imo) easier than having just the one

large gap = still harder for the first few months, but not as hard as with small gap, then less easy than small gap but not too hard.

if that makes any sense. thoroughly recommend it

Oh a second one is a small hiccup in my life after the huge explosion the first one made - So go for it I say... It's so much fun with 2 I really want a third now

dont have the baby yet but have found the pregnancy harder mainly due to being shattered and having to entertain a toddler at the same time. My son will be 2 in oct and baby is due in dec.

That's what I have been trying to tell him northstar. Huge explosion is a perfect description for ds's entry into our lives.

PS I'm ovulating now but looks like he won't be swayed this month

SO much cheaper too!

No harder at all.

2nd baby is not that difficult IME. In practical terms you can fit them in a normal car, you have an adult per child if you go out with your partner and you can easily pop them in a double buggy if on your own.

I'm finding it hard work with 3 under 5 so 2 would seem like a doddle to me!

The more the merrier though, for sure - whichever way you do things it's hard work, there is no way around it, but it's all worth it! Seeing mine all interacting is just the best feeling in the world! A little boy gang!

In terms of space (ds has completely overtaken the house with his stuff) and how on earth do you share both your time and your love between two? thats what scares me.
At the mo ds has hit the terrible twos big time and im struggling to manage him, i have been thinking that i dont want any more for that reason but those questions above have been on my mind since thinking of a second...so what do you think?
I think clearly i am not ready, did you ever think along those lines at any time?

In our house it is just 1 more person around to love us all. Dont get me wrong we are NOT the waltons, but since dd came (16wks) ds (3yrs) just has so much love from me AND her....we are all so loved up. And if dd cries it is a race to get to her, he is very concerned about her wellbeing and is happy to see me sharing his love with her iyswim? he would be more worried if I didnt love her too.

It is early days for me but I would say not any harder really. You just get on with it and adjust quicker than you think you will. My dd1 is 2.5 and dd2 is 10 wks. I am loving it, although tired. They are so much fun and you will wonder what was so hard about the first baby as you know what you are doing second time round. Plus you have all the stuff already so it doesn't cost as much either. All my questions for the HV have been about dd1 still (her reaction, her potty training etc), the baby just fits in great and I wonder what we did before she arrived.
I have to agree though that the pregnancy was much harder for me. No one fusses the way they do with the first and you are more tired looking after the first child too. HTH and good luck.

The other thing that worries me about it is that a friends two constantly fight and bicker. She dreads holidays or going any where because it is such a trauma. She is stressed and exhausted and says that they are extremely demanding.
I enjoy peace too much i think.
I can only stay in thier company for short periods because it gets to me so much....what if i feel ilke this over my own?

Donbean - I was riddled with guilt during my pregnancy about how dd1 would cope without me to herself and how could I possibly love this baby as much as my 'perfect' first born, but she arrived and everything fell into place. I love them both equally and dd1 just adores her baby sister and certainly does not feel she has lost anything, just that she has gained a sister. She is the first thing she asks for every morning and has taken it totally in her stride. The stuff you have doesn't double either so space isn't a huge issue yet. DD2 doesn't have her own room yet and so all her stuff is in ours and we have got round all the storage problems. HTH.

Hmm x posted with your point about bickering. We are a way off that stage so can't help but think of other families as well as just your friends. There must be positive ones too. All siblings bicker (although some more than others I guess).

We have saved most of our baby stuff from ds with the full intention of having another child.
Its just the thought of every thing i have mentioned that is on my mind whenever i think of having more.
Especially with my friend and her two, every time i am in thier company i just think to my self, "i just COULDNT do this!" and leave ASAP.

No harder if you ask me. Baby seems to slot in

two much more work than one but having been an only child myself, took the plunge. not sorry but ever so tired...

can't imagine having any more. it must get exponentially worse.

So far (DS2 is 12 weeks) it's not too much harder, in fact this time round I'm enjoying his babyhood much more than I did with DS1. If you already have a toddler, the baby seems easy in comparison

Not sure about the bickering, but it has been a big adjustment for DS1. He definitely has benefited in some ways (we are making more of an effort to give him plenty of attention) but it's hard for them too, initially anyway.

Personally, so far I've found it busier with two but actually more enjoyable. With just the one I had more time to worry about everything, now I just have to get on with it.

Good luck - sounds like you're keen but DH isn't?

I had 19 months between dds 1 and 2 and quite honestly when dd2 was born I just thought how easy it was compared with the first time around. She fitted in quite easily and dd1 was very protective of her. However now they are 5 and 4 I have the bickering thing in a big way and it is driving me mad! Hope it wil be better when dd2 starts school in a few weeks. Also I now have dd3 who is 12 months old. Overall I love them to bits and am not sorry to have three but at times I wonder how much more peaceful it would have been with just the one! Good luck if you decide to go for it.

yes its harder the second time but nice at the same time, i am a only child so i wanted another so my son would have some one when were not around and also i am enjoying my daughter second time round because the birth was less traumatic this time but its up to you if you have another dont feel pressured into having another!

Having two is brill. My dd is 3.8 and ds is 14 months and they love each other to bits, it's lovely. I was an only child til i was 13 so i never wanted to only have one because i hated it growing up.

My problem is number 3 is on the way and i'm sure it's not going to be as much fun!

Oh, thanks so much for all the replies. My parents are both only children and I never wanted that for ds. Plus, I have read a lot of stories from you all about a second birth being a healing experience after a traumatic first one (I could use that!) Ds is just now 2 so would have at least a 3 year separation between the two, assuming we get lucky with ttc this time around. Have been slowly dropping sublimal suggestions to dh

Swiperfox - don't worry about number3. I have found myself much more relaxed third time round. I absolutely adore her as do her sisters and I've really enjoyed her babyhood much more than the other two, in fact I don't want her to grow up bless her!

its a nightmare. 18 + years of having the money oozing out of your bank account.

In some ways its much harder but in other ways its easier. The worst bit is probably the pregnancy - so much harder when having a young child to care for. The other thing I found difficult was putting them both to bed when DH had nights away when DD was still small and breastfeeding. Now that DD is 15 months thats a doddle and has been for a while (the hardest bit is smuggling her milk upstairs before bath without her seeing!).

I think that you can feel split between giving them each time to do things and we definitely have sibling rivalry - these are probably the hardest bits for me. And while gdg has a point that you have one adult per child thats only when both adults are there and means that you can't be the adult laying on the settee with a glass of wine while the other is doing the bedtime story because there are two bedtime stories.

But OTOH DD was a much easier baby because she was so entertained by DS - she adores him and follows him around and learns from him. And their interaction together is really coming on at the moment - we ahve a 3.3 yr gap so DS is 4.6 and DD is 1.3 and TBH I'm surprised at how much they play together already.

I agree w/Bozza and Nemo. The pregnancy is more difficult with a toddler to look after. And a toddler's energy levels. DD will be 2.5 when this one is due in December. It'll be a relief in many ways to not be pregnant anymore.