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Original poster

'Older' mums - does it bother you to be mistaken for your DCs' grandmother? Does it bother your DCs?

30 replies

bran · 08/08/2010 12:51

With just DS (now 6yo) I used to very occasionally get mistaken for his grandmother, but with DD (2yo) I am frequently assumed to be her grandmother, especially when DS isn't with us.

TBH it doesn't bother me all that much and it's a handy reminder to book an appointment to get my grey roots retouched, but I wonder if DS and DD wil be bothered as they get older.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Idontknowhowtohelpher · 08/08/2010 14:12

I'm 51 with an 8 yo. I'm often mistaken for her grandma - dd2 doesn't usually mind - she thinks it is funny! The only time she got upset was when one of her friends told her I would die soon as I'm so old
I have been grey since my twenties and no longer dye my hair. I wonder sometimes if it would make a difference, but my face is pretty lived in.........so probably not

ragged · 08/08/2010 14:20

Neah, and I don't dye my hair either (am only 42, but all the other 42yos dye their gray away, so I look like the old lady). What I'm not sure what to feel is when I get chatting to some perfectly nice woman, about my age, at the school gates, and it turns out she's there to pick up her grandchild (sigh).

DD said yesterday that I'm not like other moms because I don't try to look "young" -- part of me thinks I'm a lot more genuine than those who strive to pretend to be something they're not. I'd like to teach DC to be genuine, anyway.

KiwiKat · 08/08/2010 14:28

Yes. Am 44, have a 4 yo DS and a baby due in November. I was asked in the lift recently if my DS was my grandson, and it bummed me out big time. That said, a youngish and not bad-looking Italian chap tried to chat me up last week during my morning journey to work, so I guess one man's meat is another man's poison. As it were.

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baskingseals · 08/08/2010 14:30

i don't think it will bother your dc because it's not that unusual anymore. lots of older mums about - I was 41 when i had dc3. people used to be surprised when i told them my age. they just nod now

deliciousdevilwoman · 08/08/2010 18:32

It would bother me, to be honest! I will be nearly 42 when this baby is born (I have grown up twin sons)People often tell me I look younger than my age, and I do try and take care of myself-but the ravages of late motherhood may still take its toll!

I think these days, lots of 40something mums don't really look it, whilst in my mothers/grandmothers day there was a tendency to "look" middle-aged or older than ones years.

ValiumSingleton · 08/08/2010 18:45

I might be chased off mumsnet again for saying this, but i think you can just tell whether a woman in her mid 40s is the child's mother or grandmother. Various little clues. I don't think I've ever knowingly (I sound like John Lewis) mistaken a mother for a grandmother.

mY dc1's class, the age span of the parents is so wide.

pagwatch · 08/08/2010 18:58

I am 48 with a 7 year old DD.
I am never mistaken for her grandmother - ever.

I would be fucked off if I was.

Original poster

bran · 08/08/2010 23:01

It really does happen to me a lot, and I'm only 43. I think perhaps it's more common with DD than with DS because she's such a different colour from me (I suspect I'm just kidding myself here, it's almost certainly because I look old).

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choccyp1g · 08/08/2010 23:08

DS is 9, I'm 52. I used to brazenly breastfeed to avoid any mistake, but that had to stop eventually.
Nowadays people do sometimes say "are you his mum?" which is probably the polite way of asking how come I am a)so old, and b) look nothing like him.
Usually you can tell I'm his Mum, because he wouldn't be giving so much cheek to anyone else.

However, it doesn't bother me what people think, and I don't htink it bothers DS.

BeehiveBaby · 08/08/2010 23:10

Always go the more flattering way if guessing surely?! My folks are constantly supposedly mistaken for DDs parents which is frankly ridiculous! I think it has more to do with their manner with the kids; their relationship with my niece and nephew is very full time and parent-like, and it tends to spill over.

KristinaM · 08/08/2010 23:18

I'm 48 and my youngest is 4. i've never been mistaken for his grandmother, although i'm sure it will happen soon

if i'm talking to someone and I'm not sure whether the person is mum or gran i always refer to them as auntie. hopefully that doesnt offend as obviously you can be any age and be an auntie IYSWIM

hellymelly · 08/08/2010 23:20

I haven't had this yet,I'm 46,my dds are three and five,I have only just started getting the odd grey hair,so maybe that helps.I lived in Central London when I had my babies but since then we have moved to West Wales and here women have children much younger.DDs teacher is only 2 years older than me and has a few grandchildren.I really notice when fetching dd from school that I must be the oldest mother.There are few who are maybe 38-40 now,so early to mid 30's having babies,and all the rest are in their 20's,so I'm just waiting for the Grandma comments.I look reasonably young for my age now,but once that perimenopausal oestrogen decline really sets in..........well,I will probably look about 70 overnight.

aviatrix · 08/08/2010 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elphiethropp · 08/08/2010 23:27

We have the opposite problem. My children's teacher, other parents, ballet teacher and woman in hotel on holiday have all mistaken thier grandad (my Dad)for her Dad and my dh.

I am 36, Dad is 56, there are children whose parents are older than my Dad. He felt a bit out of place on Granparents day at school.

Lynli · 08/08/2010 23:35

I am 48 and my Ds is 9, I have never been mistaken for his grandmother. But I am always being mistaken for my GDs mother, as she is 7.

I thought I would be the oldest mother at the school gates but I am nowhere near.

VelmaKelly · 09/08/2010 05:53

I'm 43 with DD's 3 and 20months. I was mistaken for DD1's grandmother when she was 8 weeks old, and I was DEVASTATED (but also sleep deprived and hormonal!). Hasn't happened since.

What I'm finding is that lots of mums are now older, lots of women having first bubs at 40, so it's not so unusual. I'm only the oldest by about 4 years at playgroup/mum's group.

MassiveBumperlicious · 09/08/2010 18:10

Don't worry, it could be worse. My parents had me at 20 and when my dad and I are about together people assumed we are married

Original poster

bran · 09/08/2010 18:57

at Bumperlicious. That would be yuck.

Perhaps DD and I should wear matching mother and daughter outfits.

I don't feel nearly as annoyed by being mistaken for the DC's grandmother as I did when someone asked if DH was my toyboy. He's five years older than me but clearly has a portrait hidden in an attic somewhere as he does look at least a decade younger than he really is. He was as irritating as hell for months after that.

OP posts:

SwansEatQuince · 09/08/2010 19:06

It is sometimes quite handy as dh gets offered the pensioner's specials... ds2 is too little to be bothered.

I have been mistaken for being my eldest son's partner. That rattled my nest.
And his.

Ragwort · 09/08/2010 19:12

It's only happened once - and that was a few years ago - I laughed it off. Although when we were in hospital having DS one of the nurses asked my DH 'is this your first DGC?" !!! I am pretty sure I am the oldest mum at the school gates - but I don't worry about it and as far as I know, DS (age 9) isn't that bothered.

ValiumSingleton · 09/08/2010 20:37

oh bumperlicious, now that really is more than I could live with! I'd have to walk around saying 'dad, dad, right dad?' like a broken record.

LunaticFringe · 09/08/2010 20:45

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SirBoobAlot · 09/08/2010 20:46

Other side of the coin - my mum (46) is mistaken for DSs (nine months) mum on occasion. She revels in it, I think.

And like Bumperlicious my dad has been mistaken for my partner before especially if the individuals knew he was a bit older than me . Though possibly worse, one time when I was helping my brother (13) pick a present for our dad, someone said in a loud voice as they walked past, "Its ridiculous how young parents are getting these days..."!

LunaticFringe · 09/08/2010 20:48

This reply has been deleted

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choccyp1g · 09/08/2010 21:54

Reading this reminds me of the time when I accompanied then DP to the eye hospital, and they thought I was his Mum. He looked about 18, (was actually 28) and I looked about 38 (I was actually 38)

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