Trilingual family- DD (18 m) just speaking one language-and it's not mine!

[winnybella]

I'm Polish, DP is English, my DS from previous relationship is French. We live in France.

DS (8)was born in the States, his French dad and I spoke English between ourselves and he spoke French to DS. When we moved to France, DS started speaking just French and I felt that he wouldn't cope with Polish and English, so I stopped using Polish and spoke English to him (as that was the language he had more exposure to and therefore I thought would be easier for him to learn). I bitterly regret not sticking to Polish.

So...I decided that I will speak to DD (18 m) exclusively in Polish.

She understands everything I say to her, but except a couple of simple words (tata, pa pa) all her new words are in English (towel, apple, bunny, bear, cow, it's a... etc).
I did have a couple of months before summer when I was very busy and so let her watch too much tv in English (Baby TV, sort of educational channel) plus it's the language DP and I speak, so she sees it in action, so to speak.

What can I do? Is there any hope? DS speaks French to her plus obviously she'll learn it from living and going to school here.

I haven't any Polish friends here, visit Poland maybe twice a year, I guess she can speak to my mum on Skype...

I feel like I'm confusing her sometimes: she'll point to a teddy and say 'It's a bear" and I'll say 'Daddy says bear and mummy says mis" and she'll get a bit upset and scream 'It's a bear, it's a bear!' Same for other words. How do I handle that?

Sorry for a long post.

Just want to add that I haven't got any ambition for DD to speak three languages fluently at 18 month old- it's just the way it worked out with different nationalities in our family plus the location iyswim.

I just want her to speak my mother tongue, as I found speaking to DS in English just didn't feel natural, plus of course I want her to have this connection to Poland.

I'm speaking as someone with only one language so feel free to shoot me down, but it does sound like a lot of pressure on a very small child who is at the stage where she is just learning about language and how to communicate.

I think you need to relax about it all - let her use whatever languages she seems to find easiest/seems more comfortable with. If she wants it to be a bear rather than a mis, let it be a bear. There's plenty of time to formally teach her Polish when she's older, which presumably she'll find quite easy given that she'll be used to the sound/rhythm of the language already. And as she gets older, she'll understand why learning Polish is important as part of her family background.

But as I said, I know nothing - your thread title just caught my attention. I do envy you your three languages, though :).

Thanks, Hassled.

No, I'm not actively trying to teach her Polish iyswim- rather I'm just not sure how to handle when she answers in English- do I say 'yes, it's a bear'? Then I would be switching to English and abandoning Polish.

I think people with two or more languages in the family avise OPOL- one parent one language- supposedly that's the easiest way for a child to learn both if there are 'boundaries'.

My ds is french( as is dp) and we live in France and the only english speaker is me (and I work full time) so basically ds has very little exposure to english and only really hears French. Anyway ds used to hate the whole 2 words for the same thing too and would get very upset when i'd say the word in english. I decided to back off the english and reverted to french as he would get very upset and i really wanted to be able to communicate properly. I'm now starting again as he's now nearly 4 and seems much more interested in learning the english words and he seems to be more able to grasp the whole concept(although he still won't believe that mummy speaks english...its grandmas language

I'm hoping that although he may never be totally bilingual he'll learn enough to be a good speaker (to chat to grandma etc...)

Perhaps the problem is that you are the only person who uses Polish with her whilst otherwise the language of home is English (dad is English, brother speaks English and Frnech but not Polish and spent first 8 years in US).

So Polish is the one which she gets least mileage out of atm. Don't give up, it will come right. ANy Polish toddler groups round there, Polish church with something for the kids, satellite tv for Polish dc's programmes? You can do it.

Me - I would do this. She points to her teddy and says it is a bear. I would answer in Polish, yes, aren't you clever in English a bear is called "bear". Since I can't speak Polish that sounds daft but I think youget what I mean. I always told my dd how great it was that she understood differnt languages. I'd say when I was your agee dd, I only spoke English and here you are able to say things in 2-3 languages!

So she felt a bit chuffed with it. Try to mingle in some Polish speaking circles so it isn't just you and her.

We are a trilingual family.

Don't worry - it will sort itself out in the end!

I think it is important for you to carry on as you have been and just continuously talk to her in Polish on a general chit-chat level.

When she answers in English, I would just respond to her in Polish - so I would say 'yes it's a bear' in Polish and then carry on. (This is how we have done it anyway - or as you say - point out that Papa says 'X' but Mama says 'Y' - only saying that sentence in 'your' language)

Good luck!

except it is a bit more diff for her because she is saying "bear" in English to ds and in Polish to dd

whereabouts are you in France? I would have thought there are quite a few Polish people living in France these days so maybe there is a lot on offer for Polish speaking children that you have not yet discovered

The only drawback with OPOL in your case would be that for best result you'd have to speak polish to you dp as otherwise your dc doesn't hear much of the minority language spoken by adults IYSWIM.

I have bought loads of bilingual toys which he only seems to like now that he's older, especially the bilingual picture cards. Maybe in poland you can find stuff for polish kids learning english?

Oh yes, that's true.

Does your ds really not speak any Polish winnybella ? Would it be something to consider teaching him as well? I know he is older, so his way of learning Polish will be different, but he is still quite young - and perhaps then you could have Polish as the language between the 3 of you? Would he be interested in learning Polish?

I would still carry on though - it isn't easy speaking the minority language to your child, but definitely worth it.

Exactly, ZZZenAgain- I speak English to DS so it's difficult for her to come to terms with the fact she's the only one spoken to in different language.

No possiblity of satellite tv, though, we're in Paris- no way we would be allowed to put a sat dish (we're in a flat in the center of the city).

You give me hope that it's doable, though.
UpSinceCrapOClock- how well your dcs speak- are they fluent in three languages?

I agree with ZZZen and think that the answering in Polish and telling her she is so clever for knowing that bear in English is the same as "bear" in Polish.

We are trilingual. DH German, me Scottish. The DC were brought up in Germany until we moved to Geneva 2 years ago and learnt to speak French.

They are fluent in all languages, prefer English, then German, then French but understand almost everything in all languages.

I would not stress about it. Carry on speaking Polish to her, do not force her and if she gets upset then back off and let it be.

She knows the word for "bear" in Polish, even if she is not using it. It is all there in her head. Wait until you visit Poland and she hears it all around her. You may get a shock when she starts blathering away in Polish.

I'm sure I could try to look for some Polish people- although not sure how to go about it. I don't attend church, but few times I did go to the Polish church here I didn't see any mention of toddler groups etc. Perhaps I would have to go every Sunday and then I would get friendly with mums...

Yes, there are lots of Polish people here, but more in the suburbs, I think. I've never met a Polish person in the park or shop or at work.

There's a Polish school (on Saturdays), but from 6 yo only.

Google "expat forum France". I bet there is one, and you might find someone through that.

We've just been in Poland for three weeks and I hoped she would start speaking more...nope.

I have to go now, DD is hugging me from behind as I promised her we'll go for a walk, but I'll be back in an hour or so, so any more experiences or advice would be lovely- thanks a lot.

The playing language will always be dominant (in your case french as she will be going to french school and play with french children).
Go on talking to her in polish, there is nothing wrong being a passive multilingual. She will understand polish and answer in english or french, it doesn't matter as long as she is making sense and doesn't mix up the languages.
DD1 is 5.5, and has troubles now, with 3 languages, I am trying to make her answer with only one language in one sentence...

What's really bugging me, though, is the fact that DP works all week, so sees her only in the mornings for couple of hours and at the weekends, yet she 'prefers' English (mind you, I'm delighted that she seems to be learning so many new words etc, plus I'm doing Eng. Lit. degree with the OU, so no prejudice here against the English Language!).

lol at the scrambled languages. Kind of sweet I feel (purists will shudder)

How about sending ds to that Polish Saturday school (even if he has to join the 5 year old class at first, he'll soon catch up and you can have him moved up to his age group) and asking one of the teachers there who you like the look of if they'd be willing to tutor him privately once or twice a week as well to bring his Polish up to scratch? Wouldn't take long, 6 months should do it easily. I should think he has some basis which can be reactivated, built upon. I think the investment would pay off. When ds is also using Polish in some manner, dd would find it more attractive.

Nice for him too, he can play and interact better with cousins and other dc on trips to Poland.

I think she might prefer English because you speak English to ds and dh and she wants to be part of it.

I think this sounds (from my bilingual perspective, at least) absolutely normal.

One thing you might want to try introducing is pretending not to understand in low-stress situations so that your child produces the polish word. Or, if that seems to much too soon, start eliciting the Polish (daddy says X, what does mummy say?)

Worked for us.

I guess you're right ZZZenAgain. Also not a bad idea about sending DS for a few hours every Saurday to the Polish school- don't know why I haven't thought about it before .

Yes but you speak to your DH in english don't you?
I speak english with DH, french to the girls, and romanian is her school/freinds language. She is fluent in english and romanian, but my language is left out (has been left out for 3 years). It is picking up now because she thinks her baby sister only understand french . as it is the language I use with her .
Also I have noticed when very little they usually use the easiest word from the languages they know. 18 months is still very young if you keep speaking polish she will pick up.

Just tried that MIFLAW- asked her what does mama say?- and in response got some vigorous head shaking

I was just changing her and she did say 'pupa' many times pointing to her bottom so I guess there's still hope.

I met a friend in the park few days ago and his 4 year old DD understands Spanish (he's Spanish, mum's French) so will listen to him very carefully when he's explaining something, but will answer only in French.

try the Saturday school and take dd along when you drop off ds, let her see there is a world of Polish in Paris. If you are not the churchy types, ask other mums there if there are any Polish playgroups or nice things going for dc in Polish. Someone will know something.

Even if a satellite dish wouldn't be allowed, I might investigate some way around it...

I kind of like the way you lived in an English speaking country with a French dh and now in a French speaking country with an English speaking dh... LOL