Trilingual family- DD (18 m) just speaking one language-and it's not mine!

[winnybella]

I'm Polish, DP is English, my DS from previous relationship is French. We live in France.

DS (8)was born in the States, his French dad and I spoke English between ourselves and he spoke French to DS. When we moved to France, DS started speaking just French and I felt that he wouldn't cope with Polish and English, so I stopped using Polish and spoke English to him (as that was the language he had more exposure to and therefore I thought would be easier for him to learn). I bitterly regret not sticking to Polish.

So...I decided that I will speak to DD (18 m) exclusively in Polish.

She understands everything I say to her, but except a couple of simple words (tata, pa pa) all her new words are in English (towel, apple, bunny, bear, cow, it's a... etc).
I did have a couple of months before summer when I was very busy and so let her watch too much tv in English (Baby TV, sort of educational channel) plus it's the language DP and I speak, so she sees it in action, so to speak.

What can I do? Is there any hope? DS speaks French to her plus obviously she'll learn it from living and going to school here.

I haven't any Polish friends here, visit Poland maybe twice a year, I guess she can speak to my mum on Skype...

I feel like I'm confusing her sometimes: she'll point to a teddy and say 'It's a bear" and I'll say 'Daddy says bear and mummy says mis" and she'll get a bit upset and scream 'It's a bear, it's a bear!' Same for other words. How do I handle that?

Sorry for a long post.

I must admit that, when I posted, I hadn't noticed that you'd stopped speaking polish yourself. She will need to hear you using it if she is ever to believe you that it's a real language ...

Otherwise, if she screams, or insists it's a bear - well, she's right, isn't she? It IS a bear - just not in Polish (or French, for that matter.) Point out to her that you're not saying it ISN'T a bear - just that YOU call it something different.

OP hasn't stopped speaking Polish to her DD, though (unless I've misunderstood) -- she had stopped using Polish with her DS, regretted that, and so has made a point of speaking only Polish to her DD.

OP, I think virtually every bilingual child I know has gone through a phase (often a very long phase of several years) of refusing to speak more than one language, even though they understand the other perfectly. DS has a friend raised in England by English father and Finnish mother -- his mother is a SAHM and speaks to her DS only in Finnish, they go to Finland often, but still he will not speak it and speaks only in English, even though he can clearly understand it perfectly (interestingly, now that he's started reading he will read in Finnish too). And I can think of other similar examples. In fact I can only think of one (trilingual, as it happens) family where both children have always happily spoken in all three languages interchangeably.

It will sort itself out in time, by the teenage years if not before (but probably before).

Just keep on speaking Polish. We are a tri-lingual family too, DS who is 2.5 understands all languages perfectly but to an extent prefers to reply in English. I only speak my language to him and continue repeating what he says (so in your teddy example I would just say yes indeed it is a teddy). The older he gets the more confident he gets about using all 3 languages and is beginning to answer more and more in the language spoken to him - yours is only 18 months so I would just carry on doing what you are doing.

ZZZenAgain- lol...I've never thought about it...

MIFLAW- yes, I don't use Polish except to speak to DD and my mum and friends on the phone plus, in case of extreme provocation, to DS- it scares him more!

ProfessorLayton- you're right, I have an English friend who lives here with a French dh and their kids refused to speak English, even though they were fluent in it. I think now that they are a bit older they do speak perfect English.

DD does understand me very well, for instance if we're in the kitchen and I'll say in Polish "Go and get your cup, it's on mummy's bed' she'll go to my bedroom to get it or if I ask her whether she wants to take the lift or the stairs she'll think for a second and then decide...so she does understand more complex commands etc, just insists that an apple is an apple, not 'jablko'...which of course is correct but worries me that she'll reject Polish all together.

I find that it is really important for the DC to see why they are learning the language, that other people speak this language and that it is such a fab thing, being able to speak more than one language. Hearing others speaking Polish, hearing you speak Polish to your DS (even if he does not understand it all, he will pick it up) will help. She may be "rejecting" Polish because she wants to be part of the English/French speaking family.

My DD spoke mainly English until she went to kindergarten at 3yo then mainly German after a while.

DS heard his sister speaking German most of the time so spoke mainly that language, his English was not good at all, although he understood it.

When we moved to Geneva we found English speaking friends (for the first time, their friends spoke English instead of German) and now they both speak more English than German.

What I am saying, in a very roundabout way, is that language is not static. It comes and goes in waves of understanding. Sometimes one language will be stronger, then for a while the other.

Keep Calm and Carry On (as the poster says)

The only advice here would be,as said already by others-be consistent and speak Polish to her and you will see results.
My situation is slightly different as only two languages(dh also Polish and we live in UK) but from what I'm experiencing atm I'd say it's still early days for your dd.
My daughter is now 2.1 and 7 months ago(at 18mths as your dd is now) she would only speak very little and only in English which she picks up from her childminder,other kids and tv.She didn't even say "mamo" for a long time which was quite upsetting to me...always called me mummy..
We went to Poland in April and she managed to teach her grandparents few English words rather than pick up any Polish
But then we went again last month and she just started talking.
Be consistent and speak to her in Polish,it will click eventually.What I do if she says "teddy" I just nod and say "tak,tak,misiu"

Thanks, it gives me hope, callmemamma! Althought must be easier for you as both you and DH speak English.

She is making some efforts at saying 'piesek' and'ptaszek' and'buciki' so perhaps it will all work out.

Good luck alb powodzenia!

After speaking to my French dh I'd say depending opn your arrondis. The non sat dish rules are more guidelines.... There is also some polish things online and I am sure your family could help with DVDs or recordings. Any chance of putting an ad up for play dates at polish bookshop on St germain? Most French ones here have ad boards

I am dreading the tri lingual thing myself. I'm bilingual polish English, dh is French, we live in London. We speak English at home and polish is just not natural for some things for me but then I realised that I want baby to know polish. But I just cannot see myself sticking to opol.

So I expect to see English dominating unless we move to Paris and then it'd be French.
Btw what books would you recommend?

I feel for you. My DC started off being very good in my language but I let it slip. Thankfully they are still interested although they do have moments with DH language where they refuse to do it and it isnt very nice.

I have bought lots of their favourite films in Turkish for them to watch and we have books etc and I intend for DS1 to start Turkish school when he is 5, although if he hates it I will stop and just perservere.

I plan to spend at least 6 weeks in Turkey next year and really get it moving.

It can still be done, but you have to be soooooo committed.