Do I want a 3rd child?

[winogal]

Obviously no-one can answer this but me, but I'd love to hear other people's insights/experience ... I have 2 DSs (3 and 1) and they are fantastic. I don't feel that my family is incomplete, and I don't crave a dd in particular. But I love the idea of having another baby .... but maybe this is more because I'm so sad to think that chapter of my life is over so quickly (I loved being pregnant, and the excitement of an impending baby, and even the hard first few months of having a newborn), rather than actually wanting a third child. Other factors (quite important ones really!) are that I am 41, and my partner isn't keen on a 3rd - says it would be unmanageable! But I'd really like to sort out my own thoughts on this as well as dealing with the external factors of age and partner, if this makes sense ...

I just wish I was clear in my own mind one way or the other, the way that some of my friends are - they seemed to know very clearly what they wanted in terms of number of children. Any insights most welcome!

I am similar to you in that I have 2 DS's (2 and 3) and often wonder about a third, my dh also is less than keen.

However I am about 99.9% sure that I don't want a third child in reality, its just the odd bit of broodiness when I see a newborn I think.

Maybe you should talk your thoughts through with your partner especially as age is not on your side and you will need to get on with things if you should decide on a third (sorry, very blunt there).

Weigh up the pros and cons and go from there.

gIVE YOU SOME IDEA 3 VERSES 3.

1. Most family ticket deals on give two adults & two kids.

2. They will always argue who will sit in tight uncomfortable middle of car seat unless you buy a bigger car.

3. most food comes in 3's or 4's

4. Logistically its harder to manuvere with 3 kids. Esp. when they won't hold the odd ones hand crossing the road as theyve have a fight....and your other hands are full with the other 2 kids hands

5. is your laps big enough to hold 3 kids? as they will all want to sit on you at the same time for cuddles

6)How many loo's do you have at home. After a trip out it can get busy in the loo and you'll be the one left appeasing the child whose desparate but the others got in first.

7. Do you have enough room to give each there own bedroom? Otherwise you will alsways have 2 kids moaning about not having their own space or "he touched my stuff!!!

8. Cost more for the babysitter, They'll expect time n half for 3 kids...can you afford that every time you want "me time"

Yes in reality it is harder work, more mess, more tiring and more costly. It sound good saying its only one more....but will you stop at 3 ??? only you can decide that!!

If you dont feel complete personally i would go for it, because will you have that regret there that you just wanted one more?
Just try to imagine in say 10 years time you have only the 2 will you feel content with it or would there be a feeling you wish there was more?
Really noone can tell you, its up to you. But how about think about it for say another 6 months and if that feeling is still nagging there for another one I would just go for it, especially at 41 you can not hang around years and years while you decide (no offense or anything!)
I have 2 boys too and definitely do want more, so my advice may be more biased towards that side, incase that makes a difference

I have three - yes, it is hard work - more cooking, cleaning, laundry but remember, soon your older one will be at school. My DCs are 6, 4 & 20 months and most of the time, it's just me and the baby. TBH, my older two have been at their granny's recently, and I found it harder jsut having the baby as he's so used to being entertained by the older two.

We've never had a problem with family tickets/car seats/food (what food comes in 3s and 4s?!) /babysitter (never been charged extra for having 3). Loos, we have two, bedrooms, the DDs share and yes, we will ahve to move at some point. Logistically it is harder in that you are using a buggy for longer but the older children are so independent now - going to school they use bikes & scooters etc - you get past the hand-holding stage very quickly. What is also hard is that when you're out with friends or visiting friends, there are so many of you to accommodate, you can't jsut 'drop in' for tea or to stay the night.

But it's by no means unmanageable. Though we're definitely stopping at three .

God NO!!! (can you tell I've had a v. bad day?)

I wouldn't. Am also the same age as you and have two DC's aged 3 and 1.
I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding getting a bit more of my life back.
I think (personally) that you'd be bloody bonkers.

Thanks so much all, particularly for the straight-talking; lots for me to ponder over, and I got a good snigger too, so thanks mooncup! (Hope your day has picked up!)

I think in 10 years time if I didn't have 3 I won't regret it - but neither would I regret it if I did! In 10 years time my dilemma won't exist because a third would be impossible by then - and that will be a relief in a way - I guess I wish I didn't have to decide either way, and let fate do that for me. But then of course, when you (and your partner ...) are in charge of your fertility, you're in charge of your own fate in this regard too.

Like I said, I don't so much yearn for another child because my family as it stands is brilliant and makes me so happy. It's more a mourning for the possibility of having another baby, and going through that whole wonderous loop again. So sad to think that is all over for me.

I probably need a good slap and a reminder of how lucky I am, and of the wisdom of quitting while you're ahead. Anyone need to vent some pent-up agression and give me that slap?!

Just had a third. Husband didnt want to. I wasnt broody but knew I wanted three and didnt want to look back with the feeling of 'not being finished that chapter'. I did get to the point though that I felt we had moved on too far. DS is 5 and DD is 4 and about to start school. Never understood why anyone would have another once older ones at school. Crazy. However, Best decision I ever managed to get my husband to make!! I am definatley complete now. Baby just fits in with routine (but obviously early days yet).

p.s. someone advised me that you should always have more than 2. That way, when there is a fight when your back is turned, there will always be an independent adjudicator to tell you what actually happened.

Independent adjudicator? Brilliant, I love it! Enjoy them all Esme!

Awwww, sniff sniff yummy!!!!!!!

I have 3 ds's, aged 8, 7(just) and 3. When I decided I wanted children (had not been at all maternal until I reached 32/33), I just decided I wanted 3 and that made sense to me.

They do not argue over who has the rotten middle seat, ds2 and 3 always want to sit there, and I'm expected to remember whose turn it is (god love them!)

If you buy a family meal that feeds only 4 you can buy extras like garlic bread or veg that will make it spread to 5.

Ds1 and 2 dote over ds3 and always want to be favoured by him, hold his hand to cross the road etc.

Can't disagree that sometimes it seems like a fundamentally bad idea that the adults are outnumbered, and I REALLY wish we had more than one loo (understairs loo may solve that soon...) but I love having 3 boys.

Health etc was an issue for us too, but I just trusted to luck. I was 38 when I conceived ds3 and that gave dh some comfort vis risks. You need to have your own conversation about that. My dh was v risk averse, whereas I would never contemplate an abortion (unless evidence baby would suffer pain etc) so we had interesting conversations about risk factors etc.

(pointedly avoids small velvety head in case original decision that 3 children make a family is undermined by gorgeousness of newborn baby) (but you know boys are DEAD easy! As long as you avoid being wee'd on when you're changing them, you'll have a darling boy there tsc)

Hi all watching this thread with interest - I have 2 DS's, one age 4 & one age 4 months. Ever since DP announced that he didnt want any more I have been thinking about having another! (not straightaway obviously) - Im loving the newborn stage so much, I cant believe this will be the last time I have this, but also want to get a bit of a life back so dont know really. Im worried I might regret it if I dont

oh dear - I have a 15 day old DS2 and on day 4 I was in tears thinking 'oh no I'm never going to be pregnant again, this is it for us'. DH told me it's only the beginning of getting to konw DS2 and to stop dwelling on that part of my life. I've been pregnant and now it's over and DS2 is here with us. I completely understand where others are coming from on this thread, esp OP.

I think for me though it's just me dwelling on the fact we decided on two DC and now we have them I'm just finding it hard to come to terms with that part of my life is over with now. I do and don't want to be pregnant again! I'm hoping it's just my hormones. In a year's time if I'm stil like this I think we may discuss together whether to try for another but it all honesty I cannot see it happening - we just want to get on with our lives. Also cost-wise it would be more expensive long-term having 3 DC. So many pros and cons...

Hi winogal, I think you don't actually want a third, you just love being a mum. Which is great.

you said that in 10 years' time you won't regret not having a third .. that's an important difference compared to me for example, am now 3 mths pg with no. 3 after trying for 2 years to convince myself that I didn't want a third when deep down I knew that I would have sorely regretted not trying.

Best of luck whatever you decide... but make sure your partner is 100% on board with the idea otherwise you could be heading for disaster.

Another one here pondering the addition of a number 3. I have 2 boys, 3 and 1 and am yet to get a decent night's sleep from number 2. DH is keen to wait until we get some peace at night but I'm of a mind that we might as well crack on with it.

Will watch thread with interest, as I can't get a number 3 out of my mind.

Cheap hotels like travel-lodge and premier inn only allow four in a room. As do most B&Bs, hotels etc. Therefore for family of 5 you have to book two rooms. Costs a bloody fortune each time you want to travel somewhere or go to a wedding.

I would never recommend three - hardest thing we have ever done.

I didn't want a 3rd child. We were done after our 2 daughters, now 3 and 5. But one uncareful little romantic moment produced a little boy, now 2 months old. I wasn't happy when I found out and I hated being pregnant but now that he is here I can't imagine that I might not have had him.

He is supposed to be here and our family now really feels complete. I just didn't realise before that it wasn't.

At this precise moment in time if you want my DD1 you can have her.

I have 3. Ds1 (6) DS2 (5) and DD (3). I knew after DS2 that I wasn't finished... and now I do.... DH wasn't keen on number 3- I persuaded him and now he is really glad I did! They are a unit and where ever we go have each other to entertain themselves. Yes its expensive, yes its hard work, yes I never get to sit down (except now when they are all out in the front playing on bikes!) but its worth it...I would always have regretted not having number 3. And I no longer ever get broody. My veiw is if you don't fell finished you probably aren't....

fell= feel